in thinking that if we have monthly income of £3700 net we could spare £120 to spend on a cleaner?

[effedorf]

3+ years posting here, namechange for obvious reasons.

But, seriously, what do you think?

The income all comes from dh and I am sahm. We have two primary school age children. I truly hate cleaning and I do 95% of the food shopping and cooking and 100% of the laundry and 95% of all the other things that makes a family tick over.

Or am I being unreasonable?

and actually from an earlier post as well when the OP said surely he owes me board and lodging.
I sense resentment and I think getting a cleaner is just dealing with the superficial problem and not dealing with the root cause.

If you can afford a cleaner then why not? If it makes you feel better then it's a good thing to do. Other people as you say have mini breaks & spa visits.

I have a cleaner & it's good to know that my house will be clean every week. It gives me time to do all the other jobs that need doing.

I shall hold on to him tightly in a minute, but at the monent he's loading the dishwasher

IF the H thinks that it's unreasonable to pay for a cleaner, he can do the fecking cleaning! The biggest enemy of women's progress has been this idea that domestic shitwork is some kind of sacred moral duty for women, that having a fanjo means you have a built-in hoover attachment. Men know that housework is shitwork and that it's far better to get women someone else to do it for you.

Was OP not pointing out that staying at home isn't always just about the tasks involved? It's also about putting one's own career on hold, or taking the job that allows one to pick up the children, rather than jet off to Japan.

sgb I am not a bloke, I earn all the household (all shared) cash and I would not be happy if my stay at home dh wanted to get a cleaner.

It has nothing to do with his or my genitals

Staying at home is a choice? Am sure pros and cons are discussed when such a major decision is made.

Did you express your view towards cleaning then? Surely you hated it as much then? If not what has changed?

Even if you could afford it and he really, really hated cleaning?

Bit mean.

I don;t think anyone decides to be a SAHP for the cleaning...

SGB - normally I agree with your posts but this is not a gender issue (or not directly anyhow).

The OP has decided not to work and stay at home while her DH works six days a week. Now there might have been gender issues at play in making that decision, but that's how they decided to split the work.

So the OP's children are at school all day and the OP wants a cleaner while her DH objects.

Not still talking about this? Wow!

Surely some SAHMs spend the family income on beauty treatments or shopping trips, some on weekends away with the girls and so on. Just because Effed doesn't earn money in the workplace doesn't mean she doesn't work and shouldn't be entitled to spend on a different sort of luxury.

Are the antis telling me that all SAHMs on a comparable income never have any luxuries, be they getting their hair done in an expensive salon regularly, buying that must-have handbag or whatever? Effed has said that she is low maintainance in these respects so surely she is justified in spending some of their joint income in buying herself a few hours to do whatever she wants/needs to, be that going to an art gallery, reading a book, catching up with gutting DCs rooms, having a clear-out of the linen cupboard or what have you.

Or do SAHMs with a family net income of £3,700 really do nothing with that income but pay the bills and go to Tumbletots wearing £5 jeans with unkempt hair (oh, and clean the house of course)?

See, I am not so interested in the psychology of it all. This is why I posted the bald £ facts. DH would not and could not veto the idea, I am questioning MYSELF and this is of course why I have to double check with Mumsnet. It has been an eye-opener .

I don;t think anyone decides to be a SAHP for the cleaning...

No but it comes with it as the whole point is to free up time to be more motherlly, homely, domestic...

Why do people stay at home for when kids are at school? Surely you can work part-time what does hubby's hours have to do with it? Lone parents do it ????

No no no no no, dh does not work 6 days a week.

Effe dear,

What does DH spend £120 on each month that you think he could do without or substitue?

You still don't answer whether you can afford it.

You said you were low maintenance in other areas maybe you could point this out?

Genuine question do you resent being SAHM coz if you now are isn't it time you went back to work?

I think you should be interested in some of the psychologies as it's clearly not as simple as him saying yes.

Do you share your money or does he mainly decide?

I think it's more about affording than anything, I am sure he wants her to be happy or else she may still not be with him?

Is it about being able to afford it?

I thought it was just because the dh thought that since Effe had the time, she should clean.

Mummee dear. We share money completely. There is one bank account. I like being sahm but I don't like cleaning. In between sitting on my fat arse and watching Jeremy Kyle I enjoy doing a bit of self-started work on an invention I hope will make us all millions in years to come. If that comes off, I will happily employ a cleaner and a cook, but not a gardener or launderer because I actually enjoy doing those jobs. I have had part time jobs during my time of being sahm and no doubt will again very soon. If we get a cleaner for 3 hours a week I doubt my life will be transformed, but I will be a shade happier. I gave up smoking 13 months ago, when I smoked I spent £80/month on fags and we seemed to manage to find that money ok.

Thanks all for your interest .

I don't think we know whether or not the issue is affordability

It might be about affordability, it might be about keeping ones side of the bargain or it might be just that the OP's DH thought she ought to be doing it (either by way of making a contribution or out of sexism - SGB's thought).

Anyhow, good luck whatever you decide.

I think you should have a cleaner.

BTW sad that on a woman's website you have ended up justifying your position as a SAHM - yes for some people it is a choice and if finances aren't an issue why not.