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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that it is cruel not to allow your children to go trick or treating?

272 replies

treatortrick · 31/10/2009 16:34

And mean not to open the door to trick or treaters?

Friend has told her children that they cannot go trick or treating as it is begging.

She has also said she will not be opening the door to anyone who comes calling.

Her children are missing out and IMO this is cruel.

OP posts:
lilolilmanchester · 31/10/2009 22:32

haven't read all the posts but I don't let mine go trick or treating - I do see it as begging tbh. We already all go round the neighbours asking for sponsorship for various school/charity fundraisers. Think it would be taking the piss to go asking for sweets/money too. That said, I wouldn't judge anyone who did take their DCs trick or treating - would just ask that you respect my views on the subject too.

shockers · 31/10/2009 22:33

We did pumpkins this afternoon and put them in the window to show we were 'up for it'. The children dressed up to answer the door to lots of other children who had gone to a lot of effort with costumes and face paint... it was all very friendly.
Until I ran out of sweets at 9.30 and put a little note in the window to say so... half a dozen eggs at my front door within 10 minutes

fannybanjo · 31/10/2009 22:36

Begging my arse. So if someone asks for something on mumsnet is that begging too? This thread is hilarious.

fannybanjo · 31/10/2009 22:36

Begging my arse. So if someone asks for something on mumsnet is that begging too? This thread is hilarious.

pigletmania · 31/10/2009 22:48

YABU just because she does not share the same beliefs as you is IMO unreasonable, mabey she has good reason to not allow her children to go trick or treating, she might have religious grounds. I never did and dont feel i missed out, i will certainly not allow my dd to go trick or treating, at the moment she does not understand about Halloween and did not ask (she is 2.8years). When she is a bit older we might dress up, have a little party and greet other trick or treaters with sweets. Trick or treating is not everyones cup of tea, some elderly and vulnerable people can get quite scared with a stranger knocking in the evening, there have been incidences to trick or treaters egging or vandalising a persons house if they do not give them a treat how dreadful . So for some its not a good time.

sweetkitty · 31/10/2009 22:48

I took my 5 and 3 yo out trick or reating tonight, we live in a modern estate full of children, we only go to the houses that have decorations up, don't bother anyone else, it's starts about 5pm and ends about 6.30pm, theres no one over 10 out trick or treating, the DC sing songs or tell a joke for their treats.

I don't see it as begging at all, it's an exchange of sweets with the neighbours, we know most of the children coming round and the DC love to meet their friends all dressed up too.

The only thing that made me laugh was a 50 year old mum who came to the door dressed up in what only could be described as a "adult orientated outfit" left little to the imagination think she should have kept it for hubby later

forehead · 31/10/2009 22:59

Well i must be the really cruel because i refuse to do Halloween fullstop.

LaydeeStardust · 31/10/2009 23:08

It makes me really sad that people seem so anti "big kids".

It seems to me that people see it as just about ok to open the door to a "cute 3 year" old but heaven forbid a scary TEEN might knock at your door-its an attitude I find really sad, and an indication of how much our society is (unjustly!) afraid of teens. Oh and btw, I live in a "scary" inner city estate,not in a quaint closely knit community where everyone knows everyone else.

When teens trick or treat at our house they get double because they are bigger (but still just kids!)

I don't think its cruel not to let your kids trick or treat-thats your choice and should be respected but to call it begging-for heavens sake!!

Tonight my 10 and 4 year old have had a lovely party at our house with their friends, been trick or treating at houses that looked "hallowe'eeny", using the rule that you knock once (politely) and say thankyou. DH went too to make sure they avoided houses that clearly had no signs of Hallowe'en or where eldery peopple live.

and finally, my teenagers have worked really hard helping with it all!

lilolilmanchester · 31/10/2009 23:12

well, I guess it depends where you live. Many of you describe a lovely, community spirited evening, sweets being swapped etc and that is lovely, when you all know each other or everyone enters into the same spirit. Here over recent years, children (and their parents) have been less than grateful for sweets, demanding money etc so not the idyllic evening some of you describe. So when OP is calling people cruel for not doing it, or when I equate it with begging, we have to realise we aren't necessarily talking about the same thing.

Toffeepopple · 31/10/2009 23:12

"Those of you who go trick or treating with your children, I would like to ask: what do you do re tricking if there is no treat to be had?"

If you only go to houses with pumpkins out there will always be a treat. But I had also impressed upon my children to say a polite goodbye and thank you anyway.

scarletlilybug · 31/10/2009 23:23

Child cruelty, definitely. Call Social Services immediately.

JesusChristOtterStar · 01/11/2009 00:31

i can see the headline
'children deprived of vast quantities of gelatine'

Northernlurker · 01/11/2009 00:43

Well we don't do trick or treating but I don't mind handing out a few sweets to the cute little children we've had coming round and dd2 enjoyed doing that.

JesusChristOtterStar · 01/11/2009 00:44

agree northern lurker
i dont mind younger kids trickle cheating

jodee · 01/11/2009 00:53

Don't go trick or treating - DS (9) only realised it was halloween today at about 3pm! He knows he could hand out sweets if ToTs knocked, but he got worried and changed his mind when he saw a gang of teenage ToTers coming down the road and told us to turn out the lights.

pointyhat · 01/11/2009 11:26

If guising is begging, lilo, then asking neighbours for sponsorship must be too.

I'd be pissed off if kids were coming round asking for sponsorship, much more so than if they rtold me a joke for a 10p sweetie

pointyhat · 01/11/2009 11:26

good point re begging, banjo

TheMysticMasseuse · 01/11/2009 11:39

I went trick or treating for the very first time in my life yesterday (I am from mediterranean europe where it really isn't done), with dds aged 3 1/2 and 18m and a bunch of their friends (and their mums, ie my friends!). It was so much fun, for them, for us, we only knocked on houses/flats with pumpkins, and people were lovely about it. got back home at 6, had a few more coming round (including some really well dressed up teenagers who scared the beejesus out of dd2!), handed out sweets and then brought in our pumpkin at 7.30 when dds collapsed into bed in a sugar slump. a great time was had by all.

now, i guess we do live in a "nice" area so my experience might be influenced by that, but it honestly did not even enter my head that it could be begging! it is a weird, weird way to look at it.

i am really into celebrations- really i love parties, i love dressing up, having people around, baking cupcakes and drinking wine with other parents while the children have fun. i think it is so terribly important to fill children's lives with celebrations- these are the memories they will keep with them forever- we always had "big" christmases growing up, big easter lunches, big birthdays etc (not expensive or fancy- just lots of people and festivities) and of course we have carnival in my country which makes halloween look like a tame affair.

so what if it is a commercial holiday- there is a meaning to it if you want to go deeper, but even if it is just an occasion to have a bit of fun, i don't see anything wrong with it.

pointyhat · 01/11/2009 11:47

what a nice post, mystic.

We had a marverllarse party.

GypsyMoth · 01/11/2009 11:48

the little kids people seem to favour just stand there mute,its the bigger kids that add a little personality to the whole thing,imo!

AnnieLobeseder · 01/11/2009 12:10

I don't mind teens who put some effort in and come round at a reasonable hour. It's the ones who show up with nothing but one mask between the group of them at 10pm when my DCs are in bed that I object to!

We live in a lovey quiet neighbourhood and had a mostly peaceful Halloween, except that the pumpkin I put at the bottom of our pathway got kicked to bits and the two by the front door (inside our garden gate) were nicked!

Triggles · 01/11/2009 12:20

I have never allowed mine to trick or treat and I'm reasonably certain they're not going to need therapy over that decision.

And being a horrendous hypocrite, I still pass out candy to trick or treaters that come to the door. Sometimes mine dress up and hand out the candy, and have a blast seeing all the costumes. I pass out candy because while I don't allow my children to trick or treat, I don't condemn the other parents that do - their choice, I guess.

But I've always felt as we spend 364 days a year telling them not to take candy from strangers when they're little, then why send them out one night a year to do just that? Don't think so. It's not necessary. If my children would like some sweets, they can ask me.

lilolilmanchester · 01/11/2009 13:40

sponsorship is for charity tho pointyhat, and if my kids are asking people for anything, I'd rather they were asking for money for charity than sweets for their own pocket. I can see how lovely it is, can't explain why it just doesn't sit right with me. But I think describing it as "cruel" not to participate is a bit OTT.

ActivityApple · 01/11/2009 16:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

rimmer08 · 01/11/2009 16:56

why the fuck do we celebrate such american shit when st georges day barely registers