To think my sister is selfish for choosing not to breast feed?

[IHateWinter]

She hasn't even had her baby yet but has already decided that she doesn't want to try it and if she does she'll only do it for a month at most.

I've told her that breast milk is healthier and gives the baby antibodies etc, but she won't listen to me. I gave her a baby book that explains why breast is best but she won't read that either.

What else can I say? I worry about my future neice. I understand that she many not want to carry on doing it for a long time, but I really do feel that if you have a baby you have the responsibility to try and give it the best start in life. I really feel she is more concerned about what her breasts will look like than her babies needs.

I'm suprised by how strongly I feel. I find myself avoiding her in case I end up saying something upsetting. Am I being unreasonable?

Oh, and before anyone says, I AM NOT A TROLL I am a regular poster who has name changed.

Can't believe this is still going!

YABU.... its her baby. you have given her information so she can make an informed decision, now let her get on with it.
I tried to bf both of my babies but found it extreemly painful and have made a decision that in the future if i have any more children I will bf them untill the pain starts and then put them on a bottle.
There is no way Im putting myself through that again. with dd I was suicidal becuase of the lack of sleep and pain.... not good for mother or baby.... just becuase its not what you would do doesnt mean its the wrong decision.

YANBU about your thoughts, but you shouldn't obviously voice them to your sister.

I too don't understand why women who have all the info about the benefits of BF are not interested in giving it a try. This opinion has absolutely nothing to do with the women who find it difficult and can't continue, have no milk supply, find it emotionally uncomfortable etc, etc. I'm talking about women who make a point not to bother even once. I have personally met women who chose not to breastfeed in case they lost the shape of their breasts, but to be fair, they said they regreted not doing so, therefore they obviously didn't have all the information available when they made that decision, so I wouldn't call these women selfish. But for women who know the statistically negative effects of formula and have no other issues...I just don't get it.

On the other hand, there is no way you can say any of this to your sister! You are going to have to say nothing, because above all of this I also feel very strongly about mothers' decisions being respected. I feel strongly about new mothers being helped to feel competent with regard to the care of their baby.

Marie wrote "As for drowsy milk versus awake milk, I would seriously doubt that's the case, how would milk know when it's night & day?"

It is indeed the case that breastmilk changes through the day and at other times, to perfectly meet the needs of the baby. The MILK does not know its night or day, but the mother's body does, so the mum's body produces milk to suit. Similarly, when the weather is hot, breastmilk changes to become more thirstquenching. When the baby is ill, the mother's body detects what the germs are (from secretions from the baby's mouth) and them creates antibodies to deliver to the baby through breastmilk. Breastmilk is an amazing, amazing thing and I would be amazed if anyone at least didn't even think about trying it.

yes, I assume it's the mother's circadian (have I got the right word or is that something to do with grasshoppers??) rhythm that affects the milk?
No idea if it's true, but if it is, that's how it must work, surely

Is it really worth this level of aggravation? How we feed our children in the 1st year of their life really is pretty insignificant in the great scheme of things really. My eldest is 12 when I see him with his friends I don't look at them and think "Oooh he was breastfed, ooh she wasn't" because you can't tell and quite frankly it's irrelevant to who they are and their needs now. We get SO het up about something that seems to matter hugely in the 1st few months of a childs life but why not stand back and look at the bigger picture there's more to being a parent than what goes into a child's stomach in the 1st year of his life.

hobnobs, the OP has been back and taken everyone's comments on board.
Also, while you're right that you can't look at someone and tell (unless they have a bottle or breast in their mouth at the time!) at a population level there are differences which does mean that some individuals are affected

ooh you're obv a recent name changer from biscuitgate, can I ask who you were before (just being nosey as I feel like I don't know anyone any more - feel free to ignore )

Strongly agree with Scottishmummy's post of Wed 04-Nov-09 20:45:41.

Piccolo- there is definitely something wrong with my night milk!

iswym, imptfy, re the analogy being about getting to where you want to be but I still think the examples selected as analagous matter in terms of how well an analogy works. Highlighting as analagous the wish for constructive encouragement to achieve the goal of feeding a baby in the natural, optimum way with that required to succeed in the aim of preventing ones legs withering away permanently and thereby implying that the likely anger and sorrow levels flowing from not achieving these things (when one could have done so with the right determination and support) are also analagous still strikes me as unhelpful. Anyway, enough already from me- analagies are notoriously difficult to get right, to be fair to the author.

of course shriiieekpoolingbearbloo i forget those that are bottlefed are destined to a doomed life silly me!!!

that isn't what i said at all

some people are affected
if bf has benefits then it follows ff has risks
i'm sure most ff babies are fine as are most bf babies
but some aren't, which can be linked to the ff
note i said some, not all, not even most
but for those individuals, it matters!

and now we move onto but surely it depends on other factors etc etc - other factors have been controlled for

please note i said some, not all, not even most

as you misunderstood my last post

No but you suggest that they are affected forever by whether they are breast/bottlefed. I agree that it DOES have an impact but there are so many variables in what produces long term health if the only factor was infant feeding there would be no point whatsoever in any adult making any attempt to eat healthily and follow a healthy lifestyle

where did I say forever?

And just because it's not the only factor doesn't mean it isn't worth addressing, what a strange thing to say! Eating healthily isn't the only factor either! Using that argument we might as well not bother doing anything for our health

asnd can you please say that you agree i did not say "those that are bottlefed are destined to a doomed life " in any way. that is completely mis reportiong what i said

Can't believe this is still going. Although it is MN, so I suppose I can!

At the end of the day, yes, it is probably selfish no to at least TRY to breastfeed. However, you can care about it all you like, but to voice that opinion would be unreasonable.

A. because it's not your immediate business.

B. because family or not, you can't control the way she brings up her child and where does it end? Doing spot checks in 6 years time to check she's giving the child it's 5 fruit and veg a day?

She has all the information, you have seen to that, but you constant pestering is probably more likely to make her dig her heels in to prove you wrong.

Also strongly agree with Scottishmummy. The OP has changed her mind but this carries on going round in circles. Now I do really wonder if this was just planted in AIBU.

lotster, it is still going despite the OP coming back and agreeing she was being unreasonable...many times now!!

shriek - you are stating things that are not fact as though they were. Some of the factors have been controlled for, and if bf has benefits it does not follow that ff has risks, breastmilk and formula milk are completely different things stating anything about the composition, benefits or suitability of breastmilk says absolutely nothing about formula milk and vice versa.

Re the 'militants'. It is ridiculous to suggest that there are not militants on both sides, there are militants on both sides of every argument. It is understandable that people are militant about parenting. If someone feels they have made 'the right choice' for very good reasons and that another choice is risky they often become 'militant' or confrontational when trying to convince other people. I believe this comes from a good place, whilst the behaviour is rarely good, the desire is often to help or protect other mothers or children.

Oh, but do I still get points?!

"if bf has benefits it does not follow that ff has risks"

explain please

bf has benefits
not-bf has anti-benefits
ff has risks

it's terminology, they say exactly the same thing

50 points to Lotster

shriiieek here in non halloween name