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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect a mum to stay on first playdate?

56 replies

pofacedandproud · 30/10/2009 17:36

Ds is in reception. A mum rang up to arrange a play date, I don't know her, I don't know her ds, though my ds does. I invited them for tea. After ten minutes she got up and said she's be back in an hour. I was surprised but wanted to be polite and said ok. I spent the next hour and a half trying to entertain her ds, who seemed bewildered and withdrawn [he is only just 4] and when she came back and asked if he'd had a nice time he shook his head. She said 'what happened?' I just said he'd been a bit quiet. I really don't feel comfortable being put in that position with a child I don't know. Am I being silly?

OP posts:
Clayhead · 30/10/2009 17:39

I would not expect a mum to stay on a Reception aged child's playdate but then I have usually picked the child up straight from school.

Morloth · 30/10/2009 17:39

I think the accepted thing (around here any way) is drop and run with playdates, with maybe a cuppa at pick up/dropoff.

I have learned that if I want the mum to stay for a chat I need to clearly invite her as well.

norksonmywitchesbroomstick · 30/10/2009 17:40

I would not have expected her to stay either, although it does seem odd that she rang you, and came to yours when she initiated the playdate

ruddynorah · 30/10/2009 17:41

what was your ds doing? the idea is that the kids play together, not really involving you. is it a friend your ds talks about?

DiamondHead · 30/10/2009 17:42

No, I've never had a Mum stay on a reception play date, although it does sound like she hadn't prepared her ds particularly well.

Original poster
pofacedandproud · 30/10/2009 17:47

Yes it is a friend my ds talks about, and I did invite her when she rang so I don't mind that, but her ds does seem very young, and they seemed to be at a bit of a loss at what to play after half an hour or so, whereas ds usually charges around with his friends. Maybe I am being silly. I just felt as we didn't know each other it might be better to stay for the first time.

OP posts:
OscarByTheSea · 30/10/2009 17:49

I would have expected her to stay if it was the first play-date and especially if he DC were only in reception. The norm around here (my son is also in reception) seems to be for the parent to stay, get to know one another, then if everything seems fine no need for parent to stay on the next play-date just pick-up after school.

And yes, I also think it's a bit odd she called you but then came to your place instead of calling and inviting your DC to hers.

Morloth · 30/10/2009 17:49

I had the weirdest playdate the other day. One of my neighbours up the street who I have seen around (but don't really know) invited DS for a playdate, I knew her son was a bit younger but hadn't really been paying attention. Turns out her DS is just on 2 (DS is 5) - not a lot of crossover for play opportunities there. It was very strange, she wanted me to play with the children and sing along with them etc.

I felt like Wednesday Addams at that summer camp.

Sorry for thread hijack but it was weird.

OscarByTheSea · 30/10/2009 17:51

Oh ok, you invited her. x-posted

AlaskaNebraska · 30/10/2009 17:51

YABU
why have it if kids too young

OscarByTheSea · 30/10/2009 17:52

Morloth, how odd.

AlaskaNebraska · 30/10/2009 17:54

god the POINT of htem is to get rid of your kids for an hour shurely>?

Tambajam · 30/10/2009 17:55

OK. Clearly I come from Weirdtown because in Reception here EVERYONE stayed for the first playdate and only started to withdraw once we all got more familiar with each other.

Even in Y1 some kids still prefer their mums/ nannies to hang around (although many are fine).

pofacedandproud · 30/10/2009 17:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
pofacedandproud · 30/10/2009 17:57

Yes get rid fine but know the parent/child first?

OP posts:
Original poster
pofacedandproud · 30/10/2009 18:06

sorry didn't think have withdrawn that previous post.

OP posts:
Twintummy · 30/10/2009 19:24

I've never been invited to stay! I've always collected from school so I guess if I went to the house with my 4 year olds they would expect me to stay and be slightly shellshocked if I ran off and left them.

madamearcati · 30/10/2009 19:25

Never ever had a parent of any aged child stay for a playdate.

RumourOfAHurricane · 30/10/2009 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MillyR · 30/10/2009 19:34

I have never heard of adults accompanying children 'round for tea.'

Why would anyone want to go around and spend time in the house of some random person just because their children are friends?

messalina · 30/10/2009 19:40

My DD is far too young for playdates but I would expect a mother to stay for the first one when her son is only just four. And if it goes well, she needn't stay the next time. And you did invite her too, you say.

AlaskaNebraska · 30/10/2009 20:07

i once wnet to this mad mums and she insited on playing animatedl wih her kid as my kid stood there feeling left out
arf

Blondeshavemorefun · 30/10/2009 20:12

you accept play dates so you get a few more hours of freedom

tbh mum prob wanted to meet you/say hello then go and do some errands

so quite normal for mum to leave - if dc gets asked to play after school then that mum picks her up, and i will collect her and possibly stay for a cuppa if have 5mins

Original poster
pofacedandproud · 30/10/2009 20:16

Ah well that's me told.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 30/10/2009 20:20

least she came back after an hour

i have had mums leave their children with me AFTER the pick up time we discussed