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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect a mum to stay on first playdate?

56 replies

pofacedandproud · 30/10/2009 17:36

Ds is in reception. A mum rang up to arrange a play date, I don't know her, I don't know her ds, though my ds does. I invited them for tea. After ten minutes she got up and said she's be back in an hour. I was surprised but wanted to be polite and said ok. I spent the next hour and a half trying to entertain her ds, who seemed bewildered and withdrawn [he is only just 4] and when she came back and asked if he'd had a nice time he shook his head. She said 'what happened?' I just said he'd been a bit quiet. I really don't feel comfortable being put in that position with a child I don't know. Am I being silly?

OP posts:
pedalmonster · 30/10/2009 20:22

I dont agree - I think you are right Poface. For a first play date, I think mum should stay! Its not fair for the child if it is the first time - reception is still fairly young! And you are not a baby sitting service!
Different if you all know each other etc etc and child feels comfortable. But what was that other mother thinking - she doesnt know you from a bar of soap - no disrespect but you could have been anyone! I would never leave my chldren at a play date where I did not know the mummy!!

AlaskaNebraska · 30/10/2009 20:22

pedal
youa re barkingly sweet

pedalmonster · 30/10/2009 20:28

LOL thanks Alaska. BTW I am not one of those over protective mothers or someone who takes a bag of carrot sticks to childrens parties... LOL. Lots of pressure on kids these days... a 4 / 5 yr old is still only a small child. IMO.

onemoretimetoday · 30/10/2009 20:30

Was it a first child? I think that if it is the eldest child then the mum is more likely to stay but to be perfectly honest I don't really have time to sit chatting on a playdate, I have other children who need collecting / dealing with. My DD is in nursery and I am already having children back without their mums but they are all 2nd / 3rd children. I haven't tried to make a plan yet with any children who are first children so I am not sure what the etiquette will be when I do. I do sometimes go on playdates but only if the mum is one of my friends and we fancy a catch up.

loobylu3 · 30/10/2009 20:35

I have a son in yr R (as well as older and younger DDs). If I were to invite a friend over for my son, I definitely wouldn't expect the mum to stay. However, I would wait until I knew the child and mum well enough that the child would feel happy in my care and the mum would feel confident to leave

Original poster
pofacedandproud · 30/10/2009 20:36

Well that was my thoughts. I mean, it is good people trust each other but we don't know each other from adam. Ah well.

OP posts:
Original poster
pofacedandproud · 30/10/2009 20:37

'that was my thoughts.' ? ? Time to replace brain.

OP posts:
madamearcati · 30/10/2009 20:40

Pedal - If you are having a child over to play a 'baby-sitting service' or in other words childcare is exactly what you are offering .
I think my DC would have been mortified if i had stayed at a playdate with them at 3 let alone 4!

Rollmops · 30/10/2009 23:04

Playdate, hate that expression . Four year olds do not date for goodness sake .

SlartyBartFast · 30/10/2009 23:14

me too, i am reading this wondering if i am on an american website,
playdate
grrr

SlartyBartFast · 30/10/2009 23:15

the children know each other from school btw, and i would not expect the invite the mum as well. maybe a chat at pick up time, or in the playground

bigstripeytiger · 30/10/2009 23:20

I would not expect the mum of a school age child to stay for a play date.

MissGreatBritain · 30/10/2009 23:25

Ds was invited to a friend's house when he was in reception - I didn't know the parents and was a bit concerned as they live in a not particularly nice area but tried to remain calm and reassure myself that they were nice people etc etc. I worried myself stupid the whole time. When I arrived to collect him I could see they were a lovely family and that he'd really enjoyed himself. However, I do think it would have been better if I'd dropped him off and maybe stayed for 10 mins (for MY peace of mind). Serves me right as well for making judgements about where people live.

slowreadingprogress · 30/10/2009 23:33

I wouldn't let my son go to the house of someone I've never met before. Just because their child is in his class does not mean that's ok imo.

In ds' reception year all the mums, except one, stayed. Only one dropped her son off and I found it very bizarre. Her son and mine came out all full of plans that her son would come back with us - we'd never even spoken before. She walked with us so she knew where the house was and then went off for two hours. I do find that truly odd with children who are only just 4 years old. so not ok in my book. Quite apart from my responsibility to know who my son is with at 4yo, I wouldn't expect him to be ok in a house of people where he only knows the other child.

cat64 · 30/10/2009 23:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Blondeshavemorefun · 30/10/2009 23:48

to those who expect the parents to go as well - what about the other siblings?

if my dc(7) went to a friends house,and mum wanted me there then I would also have a baby and 4yr with me

so an extra 2 children to entertain/feed

i understand what you are saying about not wanting your dc4yr to go to a strangers house so go the 1st time, stay for a cuppa then go (as happened with op friends mum)

or dont have playdates if you think they are too young to stay at a friends house for 2hrs after school without you

Heated · 30/10/2009 23:54

The first time I took dcs on a 'playdate' I stayed because dc1 was 4 and getting to know someone before starting school and they also had a very big and excited dog that wanted to love them to death.

But tbh we don't really do playdates, ds just goes and plays with the children in the shared drive.

LilyBolero · 31/10/2009 00:02

Definitely NOT stay with a child, especially once they're in reception.

pointyhat · 31/10/2009 00:03

I wouldn't expect the mum to hang around the whole time, no. 4 is old enough to play with a friend for an hour.

slowreadingprogress · 31/10/2009 00:03

DS first playdate in reception had two other kids, 11 month old twins. She bought 'em all, I totally didn't mind, understood completely.

I'm just glad that round 'ere in Lark Rise it seems to be the accepted thing for mums to stay in the first instance, I wouldn't have done anything else. It worked well. After all it's only a playdate, if it's too hard to take other kids or whatever then a)not having playdates is not going to scar child for life considering they've just spent six hours in the friend's company at school and b)no prob in waiting a few months till you feel you have met the other parents and spoken with them/got to know them somewhat

TheFallenMadonna · 31/10/2009 00:05

Never gone with DC once they got to school. Or stayed at parties.

slowreadingprogress · 31/10/2009 00:08

Does anyone else think it is slightly odd of the child's mum I met who let her ds spend hours at my house alone having never even spoken to me before? Why is that ok?

TheFallenMadonna · 31/10/2009 00:25

I've left my children with people I've only spoken to to arrange the visit. What worries you about the situation that you would have your mind put at rest about by staying?

pointyhat · 31/10/2009 00:28

My children have made friends at school, been invited to houses to play and sometimes I have had minimla contact with the parents. I'm fine with that.

Tambajam · 31/10/2009 06:11

Other siblings usually come too round these parts (Weirdtown).

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