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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do you ever address another child's behavior when the parent is there but not doing anything?

59 replies

eleanorsmom · 29/10/2009 21:32

I was at Mamma Mia a few days ago with dd. My chair was continually kicked during the first half by the child behind. I did the sideways look a few times and her mother told her to stop once, but it continued and a few times I even sat forward in my seat because it was so uncomfortable. At the end of intermission the kicking started again (just before the lights went down) so I turned around, caught the kid's eye (she was 8, maybe 9 or 7) and said "please don't kick my seat, it's very uncomfortable." The mother went ballistic - i ruined her child's birthday, she wasn't really kicking she was just bopping to the music, I should have switched seats so my dd was in the one in that chair (!), no one should ever talk to a child only the parent, etc. I pointed out that she was the one causing a commotion on her child's bday, and that made it worse. So I just turned around, whispered to my dd that the woman was a little crazy, and waited for the lights to go down. reasonable or unreasonable?

OP posts:

Curiousmama · 29/10/2009 21:34

Blimey she sounds bonkers and the child very spoilt. No way would I let dss do that. DS2 is 9 and wouldn't dream of it anyway.

Yes I would've done the same as you although balistic mum would've got a right mouthful. You were right she was the one making a scene.

Curiousmama · 29/10/2009 21:35

Oh YANBU

LaaDeDa · 29/10/2009 21:35

Reasonable. The woman sounds like a loon.
I would have put up with it for about 10secs before turning round and saying 'pls don't kick my chair' so you were restrained (time wise) imo!

SecretNinjaChipmunk · 29/10/2009 21:43

i can't believe you sat through half the show putting up with it! she sounds like a fruitloop to me and yanbu at all.

fizzpops · 29/10/2009 21:43

I think you handled it well. I would like to think I would have done the same thing but I probably would have just put up with it and fumed quietly.

If she didn't want a stranger 'upsetting' her DD she should have dealt with the situation herself. She obviously knew there was an issue or she wouldn't have said anything at all previously.

Plonker · 29/10/2009 21:45

YANBU - what a bizarre reaction!

I don't like having to tell other peoples children off and would rather move/move my children out of the way first, but I will tell them if necessary.
Always nicely, always over-the-top politely, but sometimes you really have to say something.

If you had been rude or shouting and bawled at the child then I would have said YABU - you didn't, you asked politely, I think you were absolutely right to ...

independiente · 29/10/2009 21:47

Ugh, can't bear parents like that. YANBU.

Original poster

eleanorsmom · 29/10/2009 21:50

Thanks - I did think I was right but sometimes you just wonder when someone has such a big reaction. And I'm not originally from here so I wondered if it violated some rule I don't know about to talk to the dd. I think ballistic mum was stressed - her dds birthday, her ds was there and really misbehaving (thankfully not kicking my seat, but every other bad thing you can do at a show) and I think she just popped. I did want to tell her off (actually, what I wanted to do was to tell her dd what to do - say you're sorry, you didn't mean to bother and you won't do it again, but I figured that would have made it much worse. Plus I think my dd was getting a little scared of ballistic mum)

OP posts:

PoisonToadstool · 29/10/2009 21:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrokkenHarted · 29/10/2009 21:52

NEVER say it to the child, say it to the parent!!!

MrsTicklemouse · 29/10/2009 21:53

YANBU she was obviously a cow, i tell other peole kids off all the time, with reason of course, my sister calls me the mummy mafia

Kitsilano · 29/10/2009 21:58

If you look at my recent thread I think you'll agree we must have met the same woman...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/2724/841341-To-be-absolutely-amazed-and-fuming-at-this-behaviour

and no, YANBU

Original poster

eleanorsmom · 29/10/2009 22:02

Probably the same woman! Or maybe her twin sister, since the dcs of mine were a bit older. It left me a little shaky and second guessing myself, even though I know I didn't do anything wrong.

OP posts:

IMoveTheStarsForNoOne · 29/10/2009 22:18

YANBU - the response to this is 'I wouldn't have to say anything if you had control of your child' But be prepare to run. Very fast.

devotion · 29/10/2009 22:24

I agree with whoever said you were very patient. This mums sounds like one of those whose child is a total brat all thanks to them and they think they sun shines out of their ass.

I feel sorry for these kids with parents like that as they dont learn.

The mum is an idiot, if i was her and noticed that my dd was kicking a seat enough to make someone turn around I would apologise and explain to dd not to do it etc... if dd continued i would tell her off birthday or no birthday, if she contiuned i would threaten to take her out. she sounded old enough to understand it was causing discomfort to you.

dont worry about it, you were not in the wrong at all!

Homebird8 · 29/10/2009 22:32

I made a 2 year old say please to me today when he said "move out of my way". His mum didn't bat an eyelid.

The mum in the cinema was probably mighty embarrassed that she hadn't sorted it before you had to say something.

YANBU

thederkinsdame · 29/10/2009 22:46

I cannot abide parents who think their beloved children are saintly paragons who never set a foot wrong. What sort of example are they setting? I once had a loon yell at me because her daughter was spinning in a walkway with her eyes shut and as she smacked my four month old in the face when I walked past I had the audacity to call out 'careful!' and was screamed at: 'how dare you tell my child off you rude woman. Yaddda yaddda yadda' I just laughed and said ' I hope you have someone else to teach your child some manners. Clearly she won't learn any from you.'

LouMacca · 29/10/2009 23:14

YANBU.

And at that age you are being totally reasonable to say it to the child especially as she has already completely ignore her mother telling her to stop.

I have done exactly the same thing myself in the cinema although I got a completely different (and normal) response

WhereYouLeftIt · 29/10/2009 23:37

YANBU, and I think you were incredibly patient - I'd never have made it to the intermission without saying something. And if you were going to switch seats with anyone it should have been ballistic mum, let her feel what her daughter's 'bopping' feels like.

BobbingForPeachys · 29/10/2009 23:43

Oh I find people generally feelfree to comment about my kids behaviour when they need to,if not they find stares and banging on my door to comlpain helps immensely.

Divatheshopaholic · 29/10/2009 23:52

i agree, some parents like that.
once i ahd to go at one mother as her son 10 year old was kickin football around the playgground, while there wa shuge field just outside, he almost hit my son int he face.
the mother gave me, blank face, but i insisted her son must play football outside the playground.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 30/10/2009 03:50

YANBU

kreecherlivesupstairs · 30/10/2009 07:49

Another YANBU. I can't bear that thump thump thump in the back of the chair. I once travelled from Bangkok to London with a Thai princess who thought it was her god given right to really kick seven colours out of the back of my chair. I asked the mother several times if she could stop her doing it as I'd like to try to sleep. she became really angry after the third request. I called the steward, he asked her to control her daughter. This woman then went bananas.
It all ended up in a rather ugly arguement because I wanted to stop her daugher having fun. I rationally pointed out that it wasn't much fun for me or my dd (who was mortified by my behaviour). In the end she got her come uppance with immigration at Heathrow

pigletmania · 30/10/2009 08:10

YA definitely not being U totally justified. Aww poor angles birthday eh well she should not have been kicking the fecking seat, she is old enough to reaslise that and the mother is totally being U and well out of order for not telling her precious little angle. She is the one who ruined her daughters birthday not you with her bad behaviour. Really some parents are incapable of discipling and are more like kids themselves.

pigletmania · 30/10/2009 08:12

Brokenhearted why must you not say that to a chid, this one was 8/9 heardly a young child, how are they going to learn how to behave if they are not corrected, i am shocked at your comment

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