Do you ever address another child's behavior when the parent is there but not doing anything?

[eleanorsmom]

I was at Mamma Mia a few days ago with dd. My chair was continually kicked during the first half by the child behind. I did the sideways look a few times and her mother told her to stop once, but it continued and a few times I even sat forward in my seat because it was so uncomfortable. At the end of intermission the kicking started again (just before the lights went down) so I turned around, caught the kid's eye (she was 8, maybe 9 or 7) and said "please don't kick my seat, it's very uncomfortable." The mother went ballistic - i ruined her child's birthday, she wasn't really kicking she was just bopping to the music, I should have switched seats so my dd was in the one in that chair (!), no one should ever talk to a child only the parent, etc. I pointed out that she was the one causing a commotion on her child's bday, and that made it worse. So I just turned around, whispered to my dd that the woman was a little crazy, and waited for the lights to go down. reasonable or unreasonable?

No t'was in Kingston. The mad bucket and spade mother may travel the country seeking out town centre sandpits though..

oh i live in Milton Keynes and there was a big one there sponsored by Heart Radio, my dd who was 2.3 years at the time grabbed a bucket and hurled it backwards, it hit a lady on the head, i was so [embarrassed]and . I apologised prefusly (sp) and tried to get dd to apologise too, but at the time her speech not too good. Really girls the mentality of some people

oh dear i will watch out for her in MK next summer

YANBU

YANBU.

And I actually think it's 'nicer' to ask the child directly rather than speak to the parent (depending on the child's age). It's treating them as a person responsible for their own actions, rather than under orders from their parents, and it feels a bit telling tales to tell the parent to tell the child to stop doing something.

I have asked a child not to kick my seat before. I hate it.

I think YWNBU, I think the mum in question was either a nutter or was highly embarrassed but she overreacted in either case. I HATE having my seat kicked, it would have ruined the show for me.

I think I would address a child who was doing something dangerous or potentially hurtful to me or my DS, if it appeared that their own parent(s) weren't going to do anything about it. But I have been in a situation where I longed to tell a parent to behavve himself - at Tumbletots once. There was a lovely little boy, whose mum always came with him (she always had a fairly harassed air but was nice) - once his Dad came instead (VERY obviously his Dad!) and the bloody man just ignored his son completely and spent all his time texting on his bloody mobile, sitting at the side of the room, just leaving his son to get on with it. This is Tumble Tots youngest class, up to age 2. I so wanted to go up to him and say something, but contented myself with glaring pointedly and helping his DS on and off the plastic rocker, which he was sharing with my DS, in a Very Pointed Manner. About halfway through the session he seemed to get over himself and participate a touch more but I felt so sad for his DS.

troutpout - there was not even one tiny kick during the entire 2nd half. It was bliss. And obviously the child could control herself!

I abhor anyone who allows their child to kick a seat when watching a movie or in the theatre. Until one day I went to see Angelina Ballerina ballet (boring as hell), was heavily pregnant with DD3 and DD1 must have kicked the seat in front a few times and in my dozy state and near sleep induced coma from the shit ballet, I hadn't noticed. Rude woman in front turned around to DD1 and told her to pack it in. Fair enough but I would have preferred if she would have asked me to have a word, which I most certainly would have done. So, things aren't always what they seem but I agree the mother should not have said what she said to you. So YANBU but sometimes people have off days.

Madamearcati - I don't think so. I was a teacher for 8 year olds before having dcs, so I might have a bit of a teacher voice, but it was more matter of fact than bossy.