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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was it wrong to leave my children alone for 5 minutes?

163 replies

MrWrong · 27/10/2009 22:58

This morning I took my 3yr old daughter to her weekly swimming lesson. As it's half term, my 5.5yr old son was with us. We had the pushchair etc as we were going into town after. When I got to the leisure center - late - I realized I'd left her swimming costume at home. We were in a cubicle in the changing room at the time. Panic, what to do? To go back to the house with the pushchair and kids would have taken too long, we were late already. So I asked my son to look after my daughter, stay there and help her get undressed while I ran back to the house to get her swimming bag which was in the hallway. There and back took about five minutes and when I got back they were fine and my daughter was undressed. She got to the lesson a couple of minutes late.

I swore the children to secrecy because I knew my wife wouldn't be happy about me leaving them. But my daughter blabbed and my wife almost burst into tears before storming off saying how upset she was. She made me feel as though I'd stamped on her hamster or something, but all I did was make a judgement call and felt I could trust my children for the few minutes I was away. (We live in a quiet town where a lot of people know each other BTW)

Was it a really terrible thing that I did?

OP posts:
kitkatcadaverqueen · 28/10/2009 00:28

hmmm nah hang him i've just realised tonite that I haven't had a beer since 2004 and I now look like this and anyway he mis quoted me

Original poster
MrWrong · 28/10/2009 00:29

Apologies to wife - yes. Our home life is a battleground at the moment, kids driving wife nuts, lots of anger and shouting. So I think I saw her reaction as being in the same vein. Clearly I was wrong.

The secrecy thing - it's odd that I should have slipped into that. I think it's the first time I've done it and I guess I just didn't want to face the reaction. I should know better because when my brother and I were kids we would go for walks with my Dad which would inevitably end up at a pub with me and my brother outside drinking cokes while my Dad had a beer or three. He would then ask us not to tell our Mum (and my younger brother would usually blab). When I got older I thought how bad it was that my Dad used to do that.

So will try to make sure it doesn't happen again.

OP posts:
Booooooooooyhoo · 28/10/2009 00:29

clemette, im only going on if my OH did it, i would seriously be questioning his state of mind.
that might be normal in other families/areas but if it happened here, there would be outrage and i wouldnt be surprised if authorities were involved. thats just based on where i come from.

clemette · 28/10/2009 00:32

Authorities involved, really? No wonder they don't have the time to deal with the child abuse cases then...
I don't think this type of behaviour is usual, but I also don't think it is indicative of the severe mental illness that sectioning is used for.
Not defending you Mr Wrong, but think you were stupid, not abusive.

kitkatcadaverqueen · 28/10/2009 00:37

mrwrong, you really need to apologise to your kids too, you put them in danger and taught them that lying to a parent is ok - that could put them in further danger at some point. You need to put yourself in their shoes. You have started too by realising how bad it was that your dad did it to you. Make a descision. Don't try to make sure it doesn't happen again. Don't allow it to happen again under any circumstances. Don't be wishywashy, make a descision and stick to it.

Booooooooooyhoo · 28/10/2009 00:39

yes if it were to happen here, it would likely end up with authorities being involved, thats if someone had discovered the children.

if it had been my OH and i found out, he would be gone and contact with kids would be supervised. and i would still be questioning his state of mind for doing something like that. i know men can get flack sometimes for being incredibly thick but that really is beyond a lack of common sense.

kitkatcadaverqueen · 28/10/2009 00:40

clemette, you're right - not abusive but deffo neglect...

Booooooooooyhoo · 28/10/2009 00:41

and telling children to lie to their mother IS an abuse of a position of authority.

pithyslicker · 28/10/2009 00:41

I still don't believe this, who would say that their 3-year-old daughter 'blabbed'?

Vallhala · 28/10/2009 00:43

Booooo - when you say if it were to happen "here" are you speaking of an English or UK county or are you abroad? I ask as as much as I think it that MrWrong is wronng, I can't see that level of intervention occuring here in my English county.

kitkatcadaverqueen · 28/10/2009 00:43

yep you're right booooooooo

clemette · 28/10/2009 00:44

Pithyslicker - both my mother and MiL use that word when my DD tells me how much chocolate they have fed her. It makes me want to hit them with something.

Original poster
MrWrong · 28/10/2009 00:45

JodieO - not sure why the difference except that at the supermarket they were completely hyper, it was very busy and she could have gone anywhere. At the leisure centre it was quiet in the changing rooms, the pools are some distance away, we were in a cubicle so I knew (or thought I knew) exactly where they were and the children were calm and focused.

Dunno, it just felt safe.

OP posts:
pithyslicker · 28/10/2009 00:47

How did you hear about mumsnet MrWrong? You're not Ian Hislop are you? Or Nick Griffin?

Booooooooooyhoo · 28/10/2009 00:47

N. ireland, but i'm thinking specifically of the town where i live. ive been running it through in my head as if it had happened here and yes i believe that if it was our local pool and children were found on their own at that age, then ss would be paying a visit.

kitkatcadaverqueen · 28/10/2009 00:48

vallhala, I am in the uk and I have to say that if a 5 yr old and a 3yr old (naked)were found alone in a changing room at a swimming pool and their parent couldn't be found the police would be called by the management.

It becomes an issue of responsability.

OK he was only gone for 5 mins but anything could have hapened to him or them in that time...

kitkatcadaverqueen · 28/10/2009 00:50

mr wrong, are you now saying that you got back to the changing room s and couldn't remember which one you left them in?????

"the pools are some distance away, we were in a cubicle so I knew (or thought I knew)"

JodieO · 28/10/2009 00:50

How long did it take for them to get hyper? I'd guess not long, less than mins? Even though they were calm when left them that doesn't mean they'll be calm a min or two later.

Children that young don't really have a real concept of time. 5 mins is just too long. Both of your children could have wandered off. What if your 3 year old had wanted to have a wander at the pool? What was your 5 year old supposed to do? Far too much responsibilty for them imo.

Please think about it.

Vallhala · 28/10/2009 00:54

Thanks for explaining Boo.

KitKat, I agree that here in my English county I hope that the police would have been called by the management too. However I am dubious about the speed at which the SS here would act as a result of recent dealings I've had with them over someone else's child who was put at risk.

I guess my question was asked purely as a result of my own concerns about SS's apparently slow reponse.

kitkatcadaverqueen · 28/10/2009 00:55

mrwrong, if you have learnt nothing else today I hope you have learnt that you have done a bad thing and have 3 people to apologise too.

kitkatcadaverqueen · 28/10/2009 00:58

vallhala

I know what you mean but I would have thought considering the parent left the premises and the child was nude the police would have taken the children to the station, and ss would have been involved from that point, agreed they are slow, but in those circumstances....

Booooooooooyhoo · 28/10/2009 01:00

mrwrong, are you often trusted with your children's care?

it strikes me as odd that you would be a parent for 5.5 years and not realise how risky that was. and if you dont realise how risky it is, it strikes me as odd that your wife hasnt noticed your low IQ by now.

Quattrofangs · 28/10/2009 01:03

You seem a bit wet behind the ears Mr Wrong

Here's the evidence:

  1. You expect a 5yo to look after a 3yo
  2. You swear a 3yo to secrecy (you've got to laugh at that one)
  3. You expect your DW not to be upset
Booooooooooyhoo · 28/10/2009 01:05

quattro

Marioandluigi · 28/10/2009 07:47

YABVVVU

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