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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Hen Night Cost

81 replies

saggyhairyarse · 23/10/2009 12:54

Can I have your thoughts...

If you are attending a hen weekend but can only attend one night, should you have to pay for the accomodation for the whole weekend or just the night you are going?

Details are a cottage is being hired for the weekend which is being divided by the number of guests but some (not many) can't go on the Friday but have to pay the same as those staying two nights.

Is this normal practice?

(Has opened up a whole minefield of issues for me as I got married 10 years ago and had a night at a local comedy club. We are now talking activity on the Saturday, nights away, told to bring bottle of champers and what drinks you want etc etc etc....)

OP posts:

bonkerz · 23/10/2009 12:56

id say it is normal. I have just had a weekend away for a birthday not a hen party. we paid for 3 nights and 2 6 meals, some people only stayed 2 nights and ate 4 meals but had to pay full cost as that is how the holiday company sell it!

PartOfTheHumphreysGroup · 23/10/2009 12:58

yes I think you should pay for both nights as it's not as if you can sublet the beds for the first night!

Paolosgirl · 23/10/2009 13:00

I think you have to grin and bear the whole cost sadly.

When did hen nights become these huge extravagant affairs? When my friends and I got married 14/15 years ago it was a meal out or drinks then a club. So glad I'm passed that stage - how do you all afford the hen/stag do and the wedding??

emsyj · 23/10/2009 13:01

I went to a hen night over the summer where they'd hired serviced apartments for the weekend - I could only go on the Saturday night, but I paid for both nights' accommodation as there was nobody going just for Friday who could take the bed for one night.

The whole hen night thing is out of control IMO - weekends, trips abroad, blah blah. It's now often more expensive to attend the hen night than the wedding itself - ridiculous. But yes, if the accommodation is booked for 2 nights, I think you have to pay for both or not go at all.

confuseddoiordonti · 23/10/2009 13:02

'Fraid so! Hen nights, in my opinion, can get ridiculously expensive (I try and wangle out of them when I can - ) A friend of mine spent over £800 on 3 hen do's last year!

mo3g · 23/10/2009 13:02

I am kind of in the middle can see both sides but dont really see how hard it would be to divide the cost for those staying 2 nights and those staying 1 to make it more fair maybe ??

Original poster

saggyhairyarse · 23/10/2009 13:04

sigh

Isn't it a drag. I've got to get outfits for 3 kids, husband, shoes for myself, wedding pressie, etc etc. It is in Feb so have to stump up these cots around Xmas period and can't afford it!

meh....

OP posts:

diddl · 23/10/2009 13:07

I also think you should pay,although if I were in your shoes I don´t think I´d be happy.

Would it be a solution not to go or is it all arranged?

overmydeadbody · 23/10/2009 13:08

God just don't go.

Hen Nights are the work of the devil.

I would be a bit suspicious of any friend who expected me to stump up loads of hard earned money for their hen night . It just seems to frivolous and selfish and slef-centred.

inveteratenamechanger · 23/10/2009 13:10

Also with those who think that unfortunately you have to pay, but that hen nights are completely out of control.

sheeplikessleep · 23/10/2009 13:10

Definitely agree with others. The accommodation cost is rented out on weekend basis and I don't think others should subsidise for the night you can't be there.
However, for costs like meals out / food etc, then I think there is leeway on this for you to only pay for what you are there for. There will be hidden costs like milk/bread/toilet rolls etc for the weekend and I guess you'll be expected to pay an equal share of that too?

inveteratenamechanger · 23/10/2009 13:12

frivolous and selfish and self-centred - exactly! I think enough fuss is made of the bride on the wedding day tbh. (Obviously a meal out locally is completely fine, but weekends away/abroad with loads of expensive activities are completely OTT.

diddl · 23/10/2009 13:12

I suppose it does all sound very "me,me,me".

Often just attending the wedding itself can be costly enough!

girlsyearapart · 23/10/2009 13:13

yep sorry you have to pay the same but maybe someone else can only do the other night and you could share?

Original poster

saggyhairyarse · 23/10/2009 13:16

I have to go.

The issue I have I suppose is that the accomodation is a Youth Hostel so can be paid for nightly but is being booked exclusively so is costing double as half the rooms will be unoccupied.

OP posts:

ImSoNotTelling · 23/10/2009 13:18

Don't people see these things as a chance for a holiday/break/night out with friends, to celebrate one of them getting married imminently? Why is it frivolous and self centred to have a break with your friends?

If you don't like the location, dates, price, idea, whatever, simply don't go.

A lot of miseryguts-ness around today.

Original poster

saggyhairyarse · 23/10/2009 13:19

If beds were booked for exactly the amount of guests on each given night it would cost the people staying the whole weekend the same amount with full board and would cost me half the amount with meals included.

OP posts:

PartOfTheHumphreysGroup · 23/10/2009 13:19

funnily enough I am on a hen do this weekend - only one night though! DH was on the matching stag do (2 nights, and some people did complain about having to pay for 2 nights when they only stayed for 1). And we'll be in a hotel for the wedding. So that's about £400 going to this wedding is going to cost us.. jeez.
I have to go out now to try and find a dress to wear for tomorrow night! I'll be looking for a cheap one..

Original poster

saggyhairyarse · 23/10/2009 13:20

I see the wedding day as a celebration of them getting married

OP posts:

Original poster

saggyhairyarse · 23/10/2009 13:21

LOL POTHG!

OP posts:

ImSoNotTelling · 23/10/2009 13:22

Oh saggy i think you have to bite the bullet too. If it was a hotel then obviously you could pay for one night but as it's a cottage they will have had to find one with enough rooms for everyone for the whole weekend so normally you would pay for your room for the whole weekend, even if only staying one night. Like someone else said they can't let your room out to someone else for the second night, it will be sitting empty.

diddl · 23/10/2009 13:23

Ooh SHA, how terribly "old hat" of you!

LauraIngallsWilder · 23/10/2009 13:25

Saggy - dont bother buying fancy outfits for the kids for the wedding itself

Just put them in nice clothes - new if poss, but clothes they will get plenty more opportunities to wear

I went to my brothers wedding last year - ds was 7 and wore cords with a nice jumper. dd was 5 and wore a skirt, tights, top and jumper set. Not wedding gear but they both looked gorgeous

ImSoNotTelling · 23/10/2009 13:25

Well why did you agree to go in the first place then? If you don't understand the point of the break and don't want to pay you should have simply declined the invitation.

Original poster

saggyhairyarse · 23/10/2009 13:27

I know, the majority have spoken and I realise i've got to suck it up.

Kids will be wearing charidee outfits and they'll be getting a homemade pressie....it's the thought that counts, right?

OP posts:

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