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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think it serves Dh's ex right for leeving 16yo DSS on his own for 2 weeks..

64 replies

Marne · 23/10/2009 12:20

Dh'd ex wife left her son (my dss) on his own whilst she took the family on holiday for 2 weeks. When she returned she found he had drank all the alcohol in the house (why did she leave it in the house?), hiss moped with pinched from outside (more like he took it for a ride without a licence and crashed it in a ditch) and ran up a 300.00 phone bill.

Just to add, we had been talking to DSS on the phone most nights on the phone (we phoned him) and he said all was fine.

And she is shocked that he did these things and expected dh to give him a telling off.

Surely its her fault for leaving him at home with alcohol?

OP posts:

BrokkenHarted · 23/10/2009 12:23

Didn't your DH go round? Couldn't he have stayed with you?

prettyfly1 · 23/10/2009 12:26

second that one - your dh is his parent as well - shouldnt he have gone over to check everything was ok a couple of times?

Original poster

Marne · 23/10/2009 12:26

Yes we checked on him, dh went over a few times as Dss said he had SF and was unwell in bed, Dh even took money over for him.

We couldn't have him here as we have no room (we are trying to get a bigger house) we only have a small 2 bed plus he wouldn't be able to get to sixth form, the school would not give him time off to go on holiday as he is retaking his GCSE's.

OP posts:

3littlefrogs · 23/10/2009 12:27

Well - I think it was a bit mean to leave him on his own for 2 weeks, unless she had offered to take him and he refused to go.

I do think leaving alcohol around with a teenage boy is a bit like leaving a fox to mind your chickens. OTOH every kid is different - is she sure it was him, and not his mates?

Difficult one. 16 year old boys are not notable for their sense of responsibility and mature behaviour.

I left my 18 yr old ds to house sit for a couple of weeks - all was fine. I wouldn't have left him at 16.

belgo · 23/10/2009 12:28

YABU.

Your dh is also his parent.

Is there any evidence that he took the moped and crashed it?

3littlefrogs · 23/10/2009 12:28

X posts. Did she have to go on holiday at that specific time?

Original poster

Marne · 23/10/2009 12:28

How would dh know by going round there if he was drinking or running up a phone bill? Dh popped in to check on him each day on the way or way back from work.

OP posts:

morningpaper · 23/10/2009 12:29

Why didn't your DH stay with him for two weeks?

BrokkenHarted · 23/10/2009 12:29

Then couldn't on have you stayed over there? I know that is odd but it would have been a better idea.

Was he hungover when claiming to be sick me wonders. hehe

BrokkenHarted · 23/10/2009 12:30

ah you beat me by 8 seconds morningpaper

diddl · 23/10/2009 12:30

Couldn´t your dh have moved in for the 2 weeks?

belgo · 23/10/2009 12:30

Many 16 year olds will not want to go on holiday with their parents and stepparents, I don't think it was unreasonable to leave him at home.

How much alcohol did he drink?

famishedass · 23/10/2009 12:31

YABveryU

16 is old enough to know better than to do those things.

Haven't you ever heard of personal responsibility. How is it someone else's fault. You almost sound gleeful.

And your dh should have done more.

belgo · 23/10/2009 12:32

'Dh even took money over for him.'

that word 'even' is annoying me.

Lulumama · 23/10/2009 12:34

DH is just as culpable frankly, and it is disgraceful that you are pinning it all on his ex wife. DH is also a parent and should have done more, they should both tell him off and both take the blame

LynetteScavo · 23/10/2009 12:34

Alcohol is drunk, moped missing, £300 phone bill.

All in all I'd say everyone has got off very lightly!

YOur DH knew his son was left alone.....as his parent I think he needs to take as much responsibility as his ex.

Original poster

Marne · 23/10/2009 12:35

I'm not sure about the moped, it just seemed odd that someone took it when it was parked on his door step, he kept on to us saying he wanted to ride it and how his friend rides his without a licence. Dss has a history of lying so i wouldn't put it past him, i do hope i am wrong.

His mum lets him drink when she's at home so i don't know why she thought he wouldn't touch it when she's not there.

I think dh did more than enough, we did tell him to come and stay with us but there is nowhere for him to sleep, if we had the room i would be happy to have him here full time (that goes for all 3 of them).

I know some 16 year olds can be trusted (my mum left me for 2 weeks when i was 15) but Dss has a history of doing the opposite to what he's told.

OP posts:

VineGruesomeTits · 23/10/2009 12:37

YABU

She obviously thought he was responsible to be left in the house alone, the fact that he let her down is not her fault, he should be repremanded by both his parents for fucking it up!

famishedass · 23/10/2009 12:38

"but Dss has a history of doing the opposite to what he's told"

he just sounds like a normal teenager to me. I agree with Lynettescavo I think you all got off lightly.

Have you got anything good to say about his behaviour whilst he was on his own for 2 weeks.

Original poster

Marne · 23/10/2009 12:38

Dh's ex wife would not of let dh stay in her house.

All i'm trying to say is that if she left him alone with alcohol then what does she expect?

And as i said to DH, it could have been a lot worse, he didn't throw a party or trash the house.

OP posts:

SpookyScattyKatty · 23/10/2009 12:40

I agree you sound pleased! Does it make you happy his Mother is upset? You sound like a horrid, bitter person! He's 16, she trusted him and HE misbehaved, he could have done all that in a weekend His Father should have stayed with him if he has a history of lying and not being able to be trusted as you make out.

It's easy to judge isn't it?

BrokkenHarted · 23/10/2009 12:41

Yeah she shouldn't have but you are pinning all blame here.

PumpkinsCantDanceTheTango · 23/10/2009 12:41

I was left on my own at that age for 2 weeks - I didn't want to go on holiday. I had a ball - did have friends over to drink, and had my boyfriend back. But house was spotless when they came back and I still went to work responsibly.

I think it has to be expected that teenagers left alone will have some kind of party/mischeif but at 16 they are old enough to know where to draw the line and to take respinsibility for what they did.

nikki1978 · 23/10/2009 12:42

No he is 16 and should know better. I was left for 3 weeks at 17 while my parents went away and I had a 3 week long party at the house. Nothing got trashed and much fun was had by all but rightly I got in trouble

Your DH should definitely have kept a better eye on things - 16 year olds are not innocent and presumably this isn't the first time he has had alcohol?

VineGruesomeTits · 23/10/2009 12:42

I expect that she is trying to show him that she trusts him, and she see him as an adult!

i think hiding alcohol only makes it more like the forbidden fruit, anyway, if she did hide it and he really wanted some alcohol, he would have got it from elsewhere anyway

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