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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it serves Dh's ex right for leeving 16yo DSS on his own for 2 weeks..

64 replies

Marne · 23/10/2009 12:20

Dh'd ex wife left her son (my dss) on his own whilst she took the family on holiday for 2 weeks. When she returned she found he had drank all the alcohol in the house (why did she leave it in the house?), hiss moped with pinched from outside (more like he took it for a ride without a licence and crashed it in a ditch) and ran up a 300.00 phone bill.

Just to add, we had been talking to DSS on the phone most nights on the phone (we phoned him) and he said all was fine.

And she is shocked that he did these things and expected dh to give him a telling off.

Surely its her fault for leaving him at home with alcohol?

OP posts:
nikki1978 · 23/10/2009 12:43

Although apart from the moped I don't think he did too badly considering the excitement at being "free" for two weeks.....

memorylapse · 23/10/2009 12:43

at 16 I doubt he would have wanted to go on holiday with his mum..she obviously hoped that she could trust to leave him alone in the house, as it happens, I think drinking the alcohol and running up a phone bill was relatively mild..my DS(15) has school friends whose parents cant even go out for the night without their DS throwing a wild house party and trashing the house

famishedass · 23/10/2009 12:44

So the ex wife wants your dh to tell his son off for behaving badly, and you think your dh shouldn't have to discipline his own son, because everything the boy did wrong is his mothers fault. is that what you're saying?

Can't you see how bad that sounds.

VineGruesomeTits · 23/10/2009 12:45

Doesnt sound like your DH takes much responsibilty for him, maybe if he did, your dss would have thought twice about doing that stuff
I'd say your dh was more to blame for this behaviour than his ex

Original poster
Marne · 23/10/2009 12:46

ok, i am going now, Dh did all that he could, dh could not afford to take 2 weeks of of work to look after his 16 year old son. Dh could not stay there as ex wife would not allow and dh is needed here as i have had 2 sick children (one in and out of hospital), the holiday was a last minute thing so no time to arrange anything. At the age of 16 he should not need dh staying with him and he should know better than running up a 300.00 phone bill.

Dh has told him off.

We took money too him because his mum didn't leave him with enough food (but left him with enough booze).

I am not arguing about this as you don't know our situation.

If we had our way we would have all 3 children living with us as we believe they are not safe where they are but getting a 16 year old to move is very hard work.

OP posts:
SpookyScattyKatty · 23/10/2009 12:46

Here here! It sounds like they both enjoy the son messing up so they can bitch about his Mother

VineGruesomeTits · 23/10/2009 12:47

Sounds like your jealous she went on holiday tbh

SpookyScattyKatty · 23/10/2009 12:49

If he doesn't want to move get the hint!

famishedass · 23/10/2009 12:49

Don't go just coz we don't agree with you, just admit that on this occasion, you were wrong and YABU

VineGruesomeTits · 23/10/2009 12:50

And if your dh was going round to check on him everyday, he obviously didnt check hard enough, when did the scooter go missing? didnt your dh question it at the time? didn't dh check the alcohol in the house? (first thng i would do if i was checking up on a teenager)

MrsMorgan · 23/10/2009 12:50

YANBU

VineGruesomeTits · 23/10/2009 12:51

Have you just name changed to mrsmorgan

MrsM why do you think she INBU?

sherby · 23/10/2009 12:51

She left her son on his own for two weeks at 16....what did she expect to happen?

overmydeadbody · 23/10/2009 12:52

I think a 16 yr old should be able to resist drinking alcohol that is left in the house.

MrsMorgan · 23/10/2009 12:54

Try checking my prevoius posts before posting your faces.

So, the ex books a last minute holiday, leaving her 16yr old at home and yet it is all the op's husbands fault. What a load of shite.

Yes the dad has a responsibilty but what else do you really think he should have done ??

Who ever suggested that he stay in the ex's house is a loon. I would never allow my ex to stay in my house.

So this 16yr olds mother is blameless then is she ?

ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween · 23/10/2009 12:56

You only have one half of the story.

How do you know he wasn't left enough food and that it wasn't scoffed by all the friends he had round?

She didn't "leave him enough booze" she trusted him not to drink what was there.

The phone bill is pretty much expected.

Basically, you appear to hate the ex wife and think she is useless and are virtually bouncing with glee that this has bitten her on the ar$e.

diddl · 23/10/2009 12:56

Doesn´t sound as if either parent cares much.

VineGruesomeTits · 23/10/2009 12:57

They are both his parents, they are both to blame

The OP thinks her dh shouldn't have to repremand his own son

howlatrubymoon · 23/10/2009 13:04

He sounds like a perfectly normal 16yr old.

His mum just did what a lot of us have to do and book a cheap last minute holiday (she obviously was desperate for a break - i have been there!!)

You and your DH seem to want to punish her for this - i dont get it -it just seems spiteful

alwayslookingforanswers · 23/10/2009 13:06

"we did tell him to come and stay with us but there is nowhere for him to sleep, "

sofa? sleeping bag on the floor?

fernie3 · 23/10/2009 13:10

YABU he didnt behave well but actually none of what he did was exactly crime of the century was it?. Your DH is just as responsible for him as his mother.

cheeseandeyeballsarnie · 23/10/2009 13:13

op wrote-'At the age of 16 he should not need dh staying with him and he should know better than running up a 300.00 phone bill.'

so even you can see its not the mums fault either.the boy is 16!

Tortington · 23/10/2009 13:15

i think its a bit pants to go 'ner ner ner ner ner'

i also think you are 100 diferent kinds of stupid to go on holiday and leave a teenager in the house alone believing that your teenager isn't like that

to compound that by leaving alcohol in the house - wow

whilst i agree that the ops dh has parental responsability also - it sounds like he did what he could when he could - in the end the mum shouldn't fuck off on holiday when her teen son is doing his gcse re-sits leaing him alne in the house with alcohol - its the epitome of stupidity.

Tortington · 23/10/2009 13:17

16yo's need parenting - they are usually by virtue of being ummm 16 stupid

give the two weeks in a house with no parenting and a 300 phone bill and parties isn't beyond the realms of normality

howlatrubymoon · 23/10/2009 13:30

Oh! cant wait till "your" kids hit teenage !

I think the mum may have the last laugh as your DH and you are such responsible parents!!!