Pregnant friend can't come to hen do.... AIBU?

[Crackopenthebaileys]

I am looking for honest answers here guys, I really do want to know if IABU!

My friend, infact one of my best friends, is pregnant, and will be 39+4 weeks pregnant at my wedding. Up until recently, I have been planning a hen night in London. However, My sister has just found us a cracking deal for an all inclusive weekend to Spain, and we have decided to book it. I t will actually work out cheaper than the weekend in London! Friend is gutted, it's two weeks before she is due, so she can't fly. If I book it when she is able to fly (36 weeks at the latest) it will be a month before my wedding. Which I don't mind, but I will be worrying tremendously about her flying, her health etc etc. I am currenty getting quoted for both weekends to see if there is much of a difference.
But here is what I am upset about.... She came in to my house today in tears, saying I am leaving her out, I don't want her there, I did it by stealth (because I didn't tell her as soon as I had the idea), we didn't go away for hers so why do we have to for mine... it goes on.
Firstly AIBU to want to go to Spain, even if it means she can't come?
And AIBU to think that she's being a bit mean laying this guilt trip on me when I am supposed to be having fun planning my hen?

There is a bit of history, I don't want to reveal by stealth so here's a few facts:

She is notoriously selfish, her way or the highway. We were supposed to be going for a meal with her and OH's but because we wouldn't go where THEY wanted to go they have cancelled. We are going for drinks with other friends after (friend and her DH don't want to come for various reasons) but they won't go to the town that we are meeting at, even though it's the same restaurant

I have done soooo much for her. I look after her daughter at a cheap rate (I'm a minder), have her for extra days and don't charge etc. Was bridesmaid at her wedding and organised her whole hen, it was great. Spent fortunes staying at the hotel with her the night before the wedding. it goes on. Anyway, she has just given me notice of her baby leaving at the beginning of DEC! I now have no money for my bills let alone xmas presents for my kids, her mum is going to look after the baby. But she could have waited until after xmas, her fee's are covered by tzx credits so she wouldnt have been out of pocket! grrrrr, sorry, had to add this last rant on as I don't want to reveal tit bits as I go along. I think this is relevant because I'm getting a little annoyed with her me me me attitude all the time!

thats just silly. Why wouldn't I be discussing this with the other hens

I think the problem is that a hen night that she could have attended was mentioned first.

You put in your OP that you were planning that.

Has she got a reason for thinking you are now trying to exclude her or is it just that she is the only one who won´t be able to do Spain?

Did she give you notice of not using you as a childminder anymore before or after Spain?

I would be upset if I thought I could attend something, and then plans were changed & that meant I couldn´t, tbh.

I don't get this at all.

This woman is about to give birth. That's not the bride and the other hens problem to be honest. If the majority want to go have a great weekend in Spain then they should and shouldn't be made to feel guilty just because this it coincides with this woman's pregnancy.

It's just one of those unfortunate downsides of being pregnant. You can't fly and would find a big hen do tiring anyway. To expect a hen do to be organised around her circumstances is astoundingly selfish.

As for the other thing - in this case the friend gave a months notice and the OP has to deal with it.

if you really want to go to Spain then go. Just don't complain because one of your friends is upset. Accept that she is upset and that you need to show her in other ways that you value her friendship.

You are making it sound like you only value friends if they agree with you all the time.

So far it's been all me, me, me and how dare she make me feel guilty and how much I've done for her. Presumably if you are "best friends' you've been getting something back from this friendship, even if it's just a sense of superiority.

I don't get it either-she isn't in a condition to go on any sort of hen night. Maybe I'm not the person to comment. I would be very relieved to have a good excuse not to go!

It's about the value of the friendship, though, isn't it? A hen night is (supposedly) a chance to celebrate the last days of being single with your closest friends.

Booking a hen night that by its nature necessarily excludes someone, is a direct indication of the value of that friendship.