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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to object to paying a donantion towards ingredients for baking at nursery when dd can't even eat the finished product.

51 replies

thesockmonsterofdoom · 21/10/2009 10:36

well am I?
They are baking bread at nursery, they said they don't want dd to feel left out so she has been told that she can give hers to mummy or grandma, she is coeliacs.
Anyway I actually have better things to worry about but I did think it is a bit off to ask for a contribution to the ingredients when they can't even be bothered to find gf ingredients for her. and if they were willing to do gf bread with her I would have happily bought all the ingredients myself.

OP posts:
IMoveTheStarsForNoOne · 21/10/2009 10:37

I don't think you are, they should take her dietary needs into consideration.

Could you contribute a smaller amount and provide the GF flour for her to take in maybe?

overmydeadbody · 21/10/2009 10:38

YANBU

MummyDoIt · 21/10/2009 10:40

She might just enjoy the activity, though, and not worry too much about the finished product. DS1 made pizza at school last year and really enjoyed doing it, even though he hates pizza. He gave it to his brother and was very pleased when it was voted delicious.

curiositykilled · 21/10/2009 10:41

I didn't want to be railroaded into paying money to comic relief as I'm not convinced of their worthiness as a charity so I just didn't pay for the comic relief day and told them why. They let DS join in and he even got a cake to bring home but he wasn't very interested in the other activities anyway. I think they would have let him join in if he'd wanted to though.

curiositykilled · 21/10/2009 10:41

I'd say, talk to them.

GrimmaTheNome · 21/10/2009 10:44

I can see why you're irritated, but its probably just not practical for them to do separate GF bread for one child (these things tend to be a communal effort with one or two big bowls of dough) and they probably assume its reasonable to ask for the contribution as she's still bringing the bread home for someone.

RockinSockBunnies · 21/10/2009 10:45

Hmm, not sure. I guess it wasn't much money that you had to contribute and at least your DD could join in and give the finished product to you.

I don't know much about coeliac, but would it be harder to make GF bread in terms of preparation etc?

At university all the men had to pay a tampon levy on termly battels (living expenses), despite the fact that they had no use for them. It was considered fairer that way. Not sure that this is directly applicable to your circumstances but similar in a way

Bathsheba · 21/10/2009 10:47

What in the name of all that is good and true is a tampon levy...?????????????????

EyeballsintheSky · 21/10/2009 10:48

YABU. I doubt that the activity is so they can eat bread, it's so they can learn to make bread. Therefore you are contributing to the activity, not for your dd to have a sandwich in the way home. Let granny eat it and make a big fuss, your dd will probably love it.

LittleMarshmallow · 21/10/2009 10:48

I would say NBU ds has wheat/ gluten allergies but not coeliacs.

However when there has been baking at his nursery, I have taken in some of the gf flour and the nursery have bought etc and all the children do the baking with gf flour. Never had any problems at all.

Original poster
thesockmonsterofdoom · 21/10/2009 10:49

pmsl at tampon levy, I don't really mind tbh it isn't much just wondered if I had the energy to whether I should be annoyed iyswim.

OP posts:
DailyMailNameChanger · 21/10/2009 10:49

No, they are out of order IMO. If they had a child there with a nut allergy they would not make walnut muffins, they would just make everyone have chocolate muffins and like it. There is no reason why their cooking sessions cannot be tailored to dietry requirements, especially as, in this case, all it would mean is dd having a small bowl of her own to do rather than changing what everyone else does.

Perhaps they have not realised that you are willing to cover the additional cost? Could you just tell them you are dissapointed and wonder if they could accomodate her if you provide the ingredients?

SCARYspicemonster · 21/10/2009 10:49

She'll enjoy the activity and she'll probably really enjoy making you something won't she?

But I think next time you should suggest doing something that all the children can eat - can you give them some easy gluten free recipes they could do with everyone?

2shoescreepingthroughblood · 21/10/2009 10:50

yabu
if the young people in dd's class parents didn't contribute there would be no cooking.(half can't eat)

EyeballsintheSky · 21/10/2009 10:51

But touching bread won't make her ill presumably, hardly the same as a nut allergy.

Original poster
thesockmonsterofdoom · 21/10/2009 10:52

I have tried to ask them to do gf stuff before with dd1, she did used to get very upset about it, dd2 isn't bothered and will be quite happy to make something for me.

OP posts:
mad4myboys · 21/10/2009 10:52

my ds1 is at preschool and they do bakery etc and he has allergies. They asked where they can get stuff for him (dairy free butter etc) and I have told them , i said im quite happy to bring it in but they said 'no, dont worry!' We dont even have to pay extra for them doing bakery. They put everyones name on whatever they've made and one staff member will stay next to ds when baking and make sure only his goes home.

No child should be made to feel left out. IMO they should provide things for her and yes in that case you should offer to donate, other than that you should be able to provide ingredients for her so she can be included. It is very hard with LO's when it comes to allergies etc.

RockinSockBunnies · 21/10/2009 10:52

At university, our college (slightly left wing and a bit radical) had a 'Women's Room' which had sanitary products, condoms, magazines, tea, coffee and a bed. Idea was that women could use the room if they needed to chill out whilst within the college and could get all their sanitary stuff.

The idea behind it was that why should women have to pay more than men, just because we have periods. Thus, everyone paid about £4 per term tampon levy which meant that you could get free tampons etc. In reality, they'd always run out and it was a hassle going all the way there to stock up. Also, you could choose to opt out of the levy.

There was also a charity levy. As I said, it was a right-on place !

Original poster
thesockmonsterofdoom · 21/10/2009 10:53

touching it could make her ill, if she didn't wash her hands properly afterwards or got it in her mouth somehow.

OP posts:
GrimmaTheNome · 21/10/2009 10:53

The nut allergy case is quite different because just handling the ingredients could cause a reaction. AFAIK that's not the case with coeliacs.

If they can manage a separate bowl, and the method and timing are sufficiently similar, then it would be reasonable to ask if you can bring the GF flour instead of paying for the other.

mad4myboys · 21/10/2009 10:53

exactly! They should make her feel included!! Your poor dd

GrimmaTheNome · 21/10/2009 10:54

I stand corrected. If touching the normal flour could make your DD ill then YANBU and she should have GF ingredients.

DailyMailNameChanger · 21/10/2009 10:54

Oh goodness, why oh why can't people read a post and understand it rather than leaping on what is actually and irrelivent point.

The point is that other dietry requirements get consideration, why shouldn't this one? The effects are not the same as a nut allergy but can still be very severe. As can the effects of spending all your life ostracised from certain activities or made to feel different.

It is not that important but by the same token would not have been difficult to make it fine for the ops dd.

SCARYspicemonster · 21/10/2009 10:55

So she can't join in? That's entirely different.

mad4myboys · 21/10/2009 10:55

x posts, if my ds touches dairy he comes out in hive so wether or not it is eating or touching, either way each childs allergy etc should be taken into consideration and they are looking after her welfare. She should def be able to do the baking with her own ingredients as and where possible