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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to become an extended bfeeder just to wind my friends up?

148 replies

AutomatedAlice · 08/10/2009 15:53

I was talking with two friends who have similar aged babies (about 11 months) when I said I didn't know when I'll stop breastfeeding. One said,'but at 12 months they go on to cow's milk', and the other said, 'but when you get pregnant with your second you'll have to stop'. So I started playing devil's advocate and mentioned tandem feeding (which actually sounds like quite hard work to me). Both were horrified at the thought.

AIBU to continue bfeeding indefinitely just to see their reaction?

(Sorry if I should have put this in the feeding topic, but I've never had an AIBU thread )

OP posts:
megapixels · 09/10/2009 15:25

Really? So if she was the one who wanted to carry on breastfeeding I assume the child didn't want it? Or else it doesn't make any sense to say that it was her who wanted to continue. How did she make him comply? I think a lot of mothers whose children refused to bf would love to know the answer to that.

Stigaloid · 09/10/2009 15:51

The OP - "to wind my friends up".

If it sounds stupid one way, it sounds stupid both ways IMO.

ChunkyMonkeysMum · 09/10/2009 15:51

She felt herself that he was too old to be breastfeeding, as it seemed more habit than an actual need. She put a stop to it in the end just before he started school !!!

Who's making assumptions now then that the child didn't want it ??????

I never once said he didn't want it, just that she was the one who wanted to keep him a baby, even though she felt herself that he was too old to be breastfeeding.

ChunkyMonkeysMum · 09/10/2009 15:55

Stigaloid - Do you mean that once a child reaches 12 months and can safely drink cows milk, that it is silly to either carry on breastfeeding or giving formula when you don't have to, just to "wind" friends up ?? If that is what you mean, then I agree.

Stigaloid · 09/10/2009 16:00

I think if you are doing something only to spite other people, to wind them up, then that is a pretty stupid reason to do something. You should do something because a)you want to and b)it is what you believe is best for you.

curiositykilled · 09/10/2009 16:17

"The fact remains, though, that it is not biologically normal for a child to have weaned before they're 2 or 3, and perfectly normal for them to continue well beyond that."

How is this in any way a fact? It really is just an opinion.

Surely when an individual child weans completely from breastmilk is very variable. I don't see why anyone should be attacked for their baby weaning at 6 months or 4 years or having never tasted breastmilk or for feeding their 3 year old in public. Can we not leave it to parents to make their own choices.

I'm pretty confident that a lot of babies and small children decide to stop having breastmilk when they feel more satisfied nutritionally by their solid diet. This basically could be anytime from introducton of solids on. I agree with megapixels. My two both would not take breastmilk, even EBM from a cup after around 10/11 months. I think if they had not been eating a rather full solid diet by then they would not have rejected me quite so soon but what's the point in trying to force them?

OP - doing it to be contrary would be very unreasonable IMO. Doing it for the good health and nourishment of your child and to satisfy their needs is not unreasonable.

Jacksmamwahahaha · 09/10/2009 16:38

Chunky, I really don't see why it's ok to BF an older child in the privacy of your own home but not out in public. And as for saying that it's "ignorant not to consider other people's feelings of discomfort" when BFing a toddler in public - sorry, but bollocks to that. I couldn't care less what people think and whether they're uncomfortable when I nurse DS while we're out. It's none of their business. People have different levels of comfort with the their bodies, and anyone else's level of comfort or discomfort is not my concern. I don't see why exposing an inch of breast skin is any more indecent than an inch of ankle skin. And as for nursing not being necessary for an older child - sometimes it is. If DS is upset or frightened, he needs comfort nursing. If he's hungry or thirsty and there's nothing immediately available, he needs milk. Both involve suckling but there is comfort (non-nutritive) and nutritive suckling.

Anyway - as for the OP - I'm sure you will continue to BF for the well-being of your baby. If there is a degree of "up yours" in it, that's just fine IMO!

FlamingoBingo · 09/10/2009 16:40

Curiosity - It is a fact, not an opinion at all, actually. And I don't see how it's an attack on parents who wean their babies younger than that - just stating a fact!

Breastmilk isn't just about nutrition. What appears strongly to be the natural age for humans to wean from the breast, is also the age at which their immune systems are fully mature, for example.

Lots of other evidence for the natural weaning age to be somewhere between 5 and 7 years old.

Babies who wean before they are one are not usually doing true weaning - you'll probably find this offensive, but if you'd bfed truly, truly naturally, which means free access to the breast so very, very frequent short feeds, it would be very, very unlikely that your babies would have weaned that young. In the 'natural' world, it would be very unsafe for them to do so.

Chunky - You wrote: "I'm not saying it's wrong, it's your choice if you want to breastfeed a child until they are ready to stop, I just don't think that this needs to be done in a public place as they are more than capable of eating & drinking other things by this age."

My point is, why should they eat something different just because it might upset someone. People don't stop eating meat in front of vegans even though they might be upset seeing it.

Reallytired · 09/10/2009 16:53

I think we sometimes get too bothered about what other parents are doing. We need to concentrate on OUR children and not worry about the parenting decisions of other people (within reason).

The chimps at the local zoo do not make such a meal of weaning. When Mum has had enough of the chimpaneze toddler breastfeeding she punches him around the head.

Chimps don't bother with health visitors or weighing their babies. Imagine a health professional being brave enough to tell a chimp to top up with formula?

ChunkyMonkeysMum · 09/10/2009 16:55

Jacksmam - You have taken what I said & twisted it there, because I did not actually say that anyone was ignorant, I was responding to someone else calling me ignorant by saying the following:

"It is not a case of being "ignorant" FB......everbody is entitled to their own opinion. I could say that you're ignorant for not being concerned about the fact that breastfeeding a child of 2 or 3 or older in public makes a lot of people feel very uncomfortable!"

See the way I said "I could say"

I never actually said "anyone who bf's in public is ignorant" did I??!!

I was making a point to the person who said I was being ignorant, as if my opinion on this matter didn't matter as much as hers just because I disagree with her.

As I said before, we are all entitled to our own opinions, whether other people agree or disagree with us.

There really is no need to attack any one individual just because they disagree with you which is what was done to me after my first post in this thread.

oldspeckledtam · 09/10/2009 16:56

OP, I know exactly what you mean. My friends mother told me when my Dd was 6m that I should stop bf as there was no benefit in it. I told her the WHO guidelines.

Everytime I saw her she would ask if I was still feeding and I would smile, nod and say something positive while she shook her head and tutted.

Even after my dd self weaned at 20m I continued to say I was still feeding her until eventually she stopped asking!

When I had my Ds this year, she asked if I was bf again. I said yes and she asked when dd had stopped feeding. I looked at her with a very puzzled face and said, "Stopped?" She was speechless!

My friend thinks it's hilarious and puts up with her mum commenting on me, her 'odd bf-ing friend'

FlamingoBingo · 09/10/2009 16:57

I'm not attacking you, Chunky. Do you know what ignorant means? It's not an insult, and I'm sorry you see it that way. Your opinion suggests that you are ignorant of the normal (in biological terms) development of babies and children with regard to breastfeeding.

Jacksmamwahahaha · 09/10/2009 16:59

Chunky, I think you're splitting hairs, and I did not twist what you said - I merely disagreed with you - but you're right that everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

megapixels · 09/10/2009 17:01

Let me try again. If you said that it was she who wanted to continue breastfeeding, it must mean that there was some resistance on the child's part? If the child was happily feeding as he'd always done why was there a need to say that actually it was her who decided to continue feeding him from some point? Surely there must have been some reason to think, well hang on this is actually my decision to continue from this point onwards?

ChunkyMonkeysMum · 09/10/2009 17:01

But is that the "normal" development of babies and children then FB, to feed them until they are toddlers ???

I know many people who breastfed their babies, and know only 1 person (my auntie) who continued to b'feed until her son was almost 4.

I would say it is "normal" and natural to breastfeed a baby, but a toddler ??

ChunkyMonkeysMum · 09/10/2009 17:06

I said she was the one who wanted to carry on breastfeeding, yes, but I never said the child didn't want to carry on. She said he didn't need to be breastfed anymore, she felt he was too old, went to her out of habit etc etc, so therefore she wanted to carry on breastfeeding !!!

FFS, are you going to pick holes in EVERYTHING I say ???????!!!!!!

All I did was post the story of my aunt & cousin & I am being flamed for having an opinion. It's ridiculous.

You stick to your opinion that its ok to breastfeed a toddler & I will stick to mine that it isn't. We are each entitled to our own views. Let's just agree to disagree shall we ??

megapixels · 09/10/2009 17:12

Did you breastfeed your dc(s) Chunky? Just wondering, hope I don't sound too nosy . Feel free to tell me to F off if you want.

FlamingoBingo · 09/10/2009 17:14

Yes, Chunky. As I've said before, it is biologically normal for babies (children) to breastfeed until they're around 5-7 years old, and also is the norm still now, on a worldwide scale. It's obviously not the norm in our culture, as hardly any babies here are still being breastfed at 6m let alone 6 years!

ChunkyMonkeysMum · 09/10/2009 17:35

megapixels, as I said in my first post, my auntie b/feeding her DS until he was almost school age put me off the idea of b/feeding, so no I didn't b/f my 2. And FWIW they are both very healthy boys who are hardly ever ill, have always slept well and always eaten well, so I have no problems with the fact I didn't do the "norm" and b/f

pigletmania · 09/10/2009 17:55

I personally dont agree with bf after say 2 years which the WHO recommends. We live in a Country where there are plentiful food sources, I would agree with it if food was not in plentiful supply. I was watching a documentary on it this lady in a very poor part of India was on medication that would decrease her milk supply and she was upset as she worried how she would feed her baby as food was short.

Its just my opinoin at the end of the day, its just not something i would do even if my dc wanted it.

pigletmania · 09/10/2009 17:57

In the case of the op you should do it for your child and not to spite someone or wind someone up totally the wrong reason.

FlamingoBingo · 09/10/2009 17:57

But breastmilk is not just about nutrition, piglet. It is about comfort, it is about the beneficial and healthful hormones that a baby/toddler/child releases when it's suckling, it is about relaxation, it is about immunity.

It's so sad, and, IMO, one of the reasons that breastfeeding is given so little support in this country, that people continue to think that it is just about the nutrition.

ChunkyMonkeysMum · 09/10/2009 17:59

"Its just my opinoin at the end of the day, its just not something i would do even if my dc wanted it."

Watch out piglet, you may just get shot for saying that

ChunkyMonkeysMum · 09/10/2009 18:01

To the OP - When you talk about becoming an "extended bfeeder", how long were you thinking ??

Just interesting to know seeing how this thread has gone.

But, I agree with the other posters who say you should not do anything just to wind others up, do it for yourself and your child, no-one else.

FlamingoBingo · 09/10/2009 18:01

Come on, Chunky, no one has attacked you - stop acting like they have!