to think that if you make a huge fuss every time your child falls over, you're not doing them any favours?

[SCARYspicemonster]

My toddler (in common with most of them I expect) quite often trips up when we're walking down the road. He never cries when he does, just picks himself up and I say 'oh dear, never mind' or something similar.

Today was walking along and there is a woman coming towards me with a child of a similar age who trips and falls over. Not badly and not hurt as far as I can see. Her mum stopped and made a huge fuss and the child started sobbing as if they'd really hurt themself but from what I could see, there were no injuries.

Surely we want to encourage our children to have a bit of stoicism or school's going to be hell?

Am prepared to be flamed for this

I heard of a child at a toddler group whose mother would always say 'yay' and cheer when the child picked themselves up after being hurt.
I think they stopped though once the child was a bit older and started cheering over any other toddlers they saw who'd tripped up!

Slight hijack here, as I already brought up grown-ups falling over.

At what age, do we think, does it change from

"falling over"

to

"having a fall"

70?
80?

Good point BS

YANBU I agree completely! This makes me really cross. Children fall, get over it. There's no big tragedy there.

Funnily enough, my friend who makes a terrible fuss of her child when she falls stayed over last night. She was on her own in the living room with my DS this morning when he hit his head on the coffee table. I heard her say 'oh no, you've hit your head. Ow, ow, you poor thing' and she then brought him to me to sit on my lap, telling me what had happened and then saying 'gosh he's very brave, he's not crying'.

He looked very confused

YANBU...the french dont pick their children up when they fall over in ski school either and they seem to learn to ski and carry their own things alot quicker. I think it can make them a bit whiney

Curiosity - I know. I've tried to explain it to her but she's just not having any of it (she is 8 months old)

I've always been of the "opps a daisy, up you get" school of parenting, yet my DDs couldn't be more different.

They are teenagers now but DD1 is still the biggest wuss in the world. DD2 had an orthodtic operation yesterday, under general anasthetic. She made no fuss whatsover and didn't flinch when they put the canular in her hand and the oxygen mask on her face. BUT DD1 came to the hospital in the evening took one look at DD2's swollen face and burst into tears .

When I was telling DH the ins and outs of the procedure DD1 left the room in tears (again).

.

YANBU! The other day my SIL and I took our DC to have pictures taken for our MIL. Her DS (age 4) bonked his knee and you'd think the thing needed to be amputated from the way SIL was carrying on about it. My DN wailed and screamed for about 10 minutes, honestly. My DS looked at him in disgust and said "be bwave!" That's what I tell him when he gets bonks (with a hug of course, I'm not evil or anything!) and SIL always looks at me like I'm a monster.

Just differences in parenting I suppose.

What seems funny here is that nobody has yet spoken up for the fuss-making camp. Are they all too ashamed to speak up? Are they scared of being flamed?? (probably the latter, because inherently they are wusses)

Or are MNers a bunch of tough old boots?

FWIW, I tend to think that if my DDs are able to cry then they are probably OK. It's when they hit their heads with a big BONK and then go really quiet that you have to worry. My phrase is "Jump up!"

I like "Be bwave" though, it's remarkably offensive, I shall definitely use it!

"never mind, you've got another one" (finger/knee/head) is the standard response round here - not that it stops DS wailing, but at least he doesn't expect any sympathy .

I agree that the longer the silence between the thump and the wail the more likely it is that they have really hurt themselves - although I remember a friend's little sister when I was a teenager (she must have been about 6, at a guess?) falling off her pony whilst riding (alone) in their fields - she got back on, rode back to the yard, put the pony in his stable, took his tack off and put it away, walked into the kitchen - and then burst into tears

YANBU - I have always waited a second to check what the reaction is and then been of the 'Oops a daisy up you get' camp. If DS cries I know he is genuinely hurt so he gets cuddles and kisses to make it better, otherwise he just picks himself up and carries on.

He fractured his leg 6 months ago from a really inoculous seeming trip over but because he was crying and clearly upset I knew something wasn't right and he went straight to A&E.

My mother examines DS's from a distance when they fall and asks them if they've done anything "interesting" to themselves (visible mark) or whether it's "really exciting" (limb at a funny angle, blood gushing etc.). If they whine over nothing she just reminds them that their tumble wasn't even "interesting" and deals with tears with a Granny Kiss and distraction. Mind you, we practically had to have a death cert. to get a day off school when we were children.

Hahaha homebird. That's hilarious.

I don't mean to be offensive catinthehat! Seriously! I just give DS a hug and a "You're ok, be a brave boy now," and that's pretty much it. DN did look pretty taken aback when DS said that to him though...of course he did stop crying instantly b/c when your 2 year old cousin tells you to be brave it stings your 4 year old pride considerably! ;)

Sorry not read all the replies, but it seems to me it might be the children who are different not just the Mums.
Some kids make a big fuss, some need a big fuss making of them some do not. Honestly the real world is not quite so cut and dried as some mnetters seem to think.

YANBU!!!!

to Yank

I don't suppose I will add anything, but I don't really take much notice if they can get up, are still breathing and not covered in blood. If they can still hear you, they're still consious!

It's much the same for biffing each other, unless one of them is wielding a knife or a rolling pin or some other weapon.

I do spend time watching though!

pmsl at this thread.

'What's 2+2?' '4' 'Great your brain's still working then, off you go'

I often have to hang my head in shame at playgroup because when one of my DCs falls over it is always other mums who rush to them.

I thought I was the only one who didn't.

I also HATE the smacking of the wall/chair/table etc - what does that teach a child ffs?

We go with: "You alright mate?" and respond according to the answer.

I think you have to be careful about being too oh-it's-nothing-up-you-get.

Sometimes kids want real sympathy, even if it isn't a mortal wound. If they don't get a cuddle and a bit of acknowledgment of their "suffering", then there's a danger they may just feel the need to up the ante. If they don't get a hug when they cry a bit, next time they might try screaming, to see if it has more effect. The time after that they'll really howl, and so on.

My Mum was always a bit OTT with sympathy, and it made me more stoical. I knew the sympathy was there if I needed it, so I just got on with what I was doing. I didn't feel the need to go into moaning overdrive to get attention.

Seems I'm in the minority though, but I guess we all know our own kids, and what suits them best.

YANBU -

similar MIl situation, she totally over-fusses at the slightest catastrophe knock.

my husband keeps on showing me his cut finer. like i give a damn. I blame her.

DD is a tough little bugger, and when she yells, now i know it really hurt.

This is a bloomin nightmare at school on playground duty (primary).

You do get to know the fusspots who scream blue murder when they've not so much as got a scratch, versus those who are stoic when they've broken an arm! The screamers usually get a lecture about 'crying wolf' if I've seen the incident and it was minor/with no injuries.

I would agree that their reaction is usually directly in proportion to how fussy their Mum is with them.

I'm in the 'My Mum was a nurse, so I got no sympathy' camp.

Rebecca41 - I do agree actually. Like I said in my earlier post, I'd hate to think I was encouraging my DS to bite his lip rather than cry because he thinks he won't get any sympathy. But I want my sympathy reserved for when it really does hurt. If I make a fuss when he falls over, is a bit 'ouf' but not in pain, what do I do when he really hurts himself? That's the part that doesn't make sense to me. Because I don't make a huge fuss when he's fine, it means I can be massively sympathetic when he really injures himself (or when I do it for him, like when I closed the door on his finger ). Otherwise you don't have an adequate scale of response as far as I can see. If I wail when he scuffs a shoe, what am I supposed to do if he needs stitches? Self-flagellate?

From the child's perspective, it's about an appropriate response IMO and not teaching a child to wail when they're not injured to garner sympathy. Crying wolf is not a skill you want to teach a child as far as I can see.

Sorry if that's all a bit pompous - have had wine