to think that if you make a huge fuss every time your child falls over, you're not doing them any favours?

[SCARYspicemonster]

My toddler (in common with most of them I expect) quite often trips up when we're walking down the road. He never cries when he does, just picks himself up and I say 'oh dear, never mind' or something similar.

Today was walking along and there is a woman coming towards me with a child of a similar age who trips and falls over. Not badly and not hurt as far as I can see. Her mum stopped and made a huge fuss and the child started sobbing as if they'd really hurt themself but from what I could see, there were no injuries.

Surely we want to encourage our children to have a bit of stoicism or school's going to be hell?

Am prepared to be flamed for this

Yanbu.

However I am very stoic and have never pandered to small injuries but DS1 is the ultimate drama queen. Although he is trying very hard to be a little less fuss.

DS2 very different - appeared yesterday from another room with a big bump on his head and a smile.

DS1 had a nosebleed this morning as a result of being hit by another child in the playground - I did offer quite a bit of sympathy as he was trying so hard to be brave.

YANBU (sorry!)

In fact, YAB very R.

Though I have been tut-tutted at for my lack of sympathy in the playground.

Firmly in the camp of, 'up you get' you're ok, lets rub it better - if its just a minor trip up, as I think it builds confidence in themselves when they can,

get themselves up and brush themselves down and start all over again.....feel a song coming on.....

Obviously if it is more serious then I will CALMLY go over, and pick her up and cuddle her.

I think a lot of the time its the shock that the child responds to and cries and the looks of concern and worry on the adults faces.

Also don't like it when other mums / adults rush over when they can see I am right there!!!

YABU. Ds only cries if it really, really hurts and even then usually only if he's a bit grumpy or tired to start with. Thing is, as an adult, I fell down some steps, I was fine until someone ran over and asked if I was ok at which point I burst into tears !!!

I cant abide it when kids cry over everything, the other day my son and another wee boy ran into each other at soft play, tehy didnt bump heads of anything and fell onto the SOFT matted floor, the other wee boy screamed blue murder, his mum ran in to get him screaming ' let me in to get him ' to the other children and then told my son off for running around not looking where he was going - erm, it was soft play, my son is 2 and your son was doing the same?! argh!!

Oops YANBU!!!!

Course you aren't being unreasonable.

I know a 12yr old PLB who has been mollycoddled all his life. Now he howls like a baby if he so much as falls over. His mates stand around like this . Weird.

I usually overreact - shout "CALL THE HELIVET," suggest cutting off the affected area with the Really Big Scissors while at the same time picking up and checking for actual injury. They generally laugh and forget about the pain.
I have a lot of practice. Ds1 fell over twice on the way to Nursery today. It's about 100 yards.

I don't know, depends on the child. DS gets more upset if you fuss him, DD gets more upset without a cuddle and a bit of a fuss.

Generally better not to make a huge song and dance I suppose.

YANBU - though I have to admit to that to begin with if DS ever hurt himself I was probably exactly like the mother you described

Luckily he is obviously naturally stoic as he tells me off for fussing now! and says he's fine (even when he had blood pouring out of his head after triping onto a pavement edge )

Too much stoicism is not healthy though, I want my children to be able to express their feelings.

Hmmm but expressing their feelings doesn't apply to crying hysterically for hours over a slightly grazed knee. Shit happens, deal with it, is a very important lesson even for children. You don't have to be dismissive, just not overdo the wailing and gnashing of teeth.

no, but a proportionate amount of fuss rather than prizing stoicism is what I'd tend to go for. The difficulty is separating the drama from the real feelings of the child.

My DS#2 is always fine when he hurts himself unless he sees blood and then he is hysterical. Best response is to briskly wipe it away and distract.

I suspect I am a natural stoic. I don't deal well with fuss. DH is better.

I like stoicism. I have a very fussy,drama queen, mediterranean 70's over the top mum. I now don't even like a cuddle as I think she'll think I'm upset about something & won't tell her. I do like her on holiday as she always turns a pickle into a drama and I've met some lovely people that have come forward to help her out!!!She sometimes gives a trip a buzz.

I'm talking about parents that create the drama, not the child. If my DS is hurt, I do make a fuss of him. He is naturally pretty stoical though which is lucky for me. Interesting reading people's differing experiences with different children

totally agree

My nephew is totaly relaxed about hurting himself. A while back he was bending over to pick something up, stumbled and headbutted our (artex) wall.
Artex hurts.
However, he just got up and continued to play.
I've made more of a fuss when I've banged myself on the walls and I'm 23.

curiosity -I don't think reacting proportionately to an injury (although the head injury looked horrific it didn't hurt after the first few minutes (during which of course he did cry) means that a child has trouble generally expressing feelings.

My DS, despite his stoicism towards injury is a very sensitive fellow and certainly not afraid to show his feelings.

hellsbelles - I did not say a proportionate reaction means a child has trouble expressing their feelings. A proportionate reaction is not stoicism after all.

'By curiositykilled Fri 09-Oct-09 11:30:26 Add a message | Report post | Contact poster
no, but a proportionate amount of fuss rather than prizing stoicism is what I'd tend to go for. The difficulty is separating the drama from the real feelings of the child.'

I meant that proportionality is what is necessary, encouragement of stoicism or the creation of drama being undesirable.

Orm that's what I find interesting, though. DS1 is a (recovering) drama queen despite me being very careful to not make a big fuss of him. I do find it embarrassing because I wonder if people think I have mollycoddled him.

I don't want friends to do the face at him.

ah!!! absolutely agree... get up get up you're fine!!!!

yesterday in the park dd2 fell over (3yrs)behind me (although i caught it) and i started muttering to other mothers "don't look don't look!!!... " and sure enough dd2 just got up and ran off... i am sure if i did the "Oh are you okay... oh dear!!!" she would have been squaking!!!!

also when dd2 does have an injury... we always exclaim what a fantasic bit of blood you've got there... it's like a badge of honour!!!

no sympathy in our house!!!

Curiosity - sorry - over defensive from me . Typing/thinking while trying to play teapots with DD so not fully concentrating.

YANBU! We just go "you're alright!" - now if there's tears you know he's actually hurt himself rather than just to get a reaction out of us.

Yep another YANBU here.

Loathe the over fussers we see on regular basis.

Has anyone noticed they fall over don't hurt themselves look at you to check if you've seen then cry when they see you looking??

hellsbelles - playing teapots! Cute! How very dare she interrupt important MNing!