to expect someone to give up a seat on a train for a pg woman?

[watercress]

I'm sure this has been done to death, but I've commuted into London a couple of times in the last couple of weeks, and have never managed to get a seat. I'm only 21 weeks pg, but am quite slight so my bump is blindingly obvious (people ask to touch it!).

I know that it isn't always obvious when people need to sit down, so I really don't like asking, but at one point I was literally the only person in my carriage standing!

Am starting to think that all Londoners are mean-spirited and selfish (but then I suppose I'm being selfish in wanting to sit down). Or very unobservant.

Yes, but the OP is presumably amongst the majority of pregnant woman who feel they do need to sit down because of all manner of things that change when one is pregnant. Otherwise I guess she wouldn't have posted.

So, the point is most women have symptoms that make them less able to stand than the majority of the working/commuting population. There are those that sail through pregnancy with no symptoms whatsoever, don't feel tired, don't feel the need to sit down etc. But that's not normally the case so therefore in a civilised society we would hope that most people would offer a pregnant woman a seat on a crowded train.

The fact that some pregnant women sometimes don't need to sit down doesn't really seem relevant to me.

Claw3 your logic is flawed... you've lost me there

And some others too, it seems

I dont know about anyone else but my balance goes to the dogs when im pregnant and standing up on a moving train/bus is horrible!

Somethinganything - The title was should people be expected to give up their seat for a pregnant women.

I thought it made being pregnancy sound like an illness that made standing up impossible and commented as such.

Ooops 'I thought it made pregnancy sound etc, etc'

Not 'being'

Feierabend - My logic is flawed you say, the gin must be working

Enjoy

oh to enjoy a stiff drink - from a heavily pg person!!

I remember (over 15 years ago now) the only people who ever offered me a seat were: a middle aged Sikh man; a young teenager and a rather elderly looking Asian woman. The Asian woman offered me her seat and I took it because I thought she was getting off the bus, but she wasn't and I was embarrassed. I would have offered her a seat! Because generally I didn't need to sit down throughout my pregnancy. Lucky me, also because I didn't look pregnant until I was at least 7 months!

Nowadays, I often do need to sit down because I've got arthritis in my knees. Somehow, standing around is worse than walking. So if it's a long journey I'm often in pain at the end. The trouble is, no-one would look at me and know I needed a seat. Same with my pregnancy. Basically, if you do need to sit down, you do need to ask and most will offer.

What really pisses me off though is when parents put very small children on the seat next to them - remember the days when signs said 'children under 5 carried free as long as they don't occupy a seat to the exclusion of a fare-paying passenger'? Now on London buses all children are free and there are no signs so parents think their dc's have as much right to a seat as an adult, even if the adult standing nearby is using crutches. I did ask one once when the child was bobbing up and down off and on the seat, that if the child didn't want to sit down, I did. So the mum slapped the child and told him/her to sit down. Not what had in mind...

To add to that about children occupying seats, I did mean to say that where the child can sit on the parent's lap, they shouldn't be occupying a seat. Clearly, if parent has lots of bags to carry, or more than one child, that's different.

Obviously everyone has good, bad and indifferent experiences here, and am happy there seem to be so many who've found that people will give up their seat when asked.

But a few years ago a friend got on commuter train from London to SE, packed as usual, and the only 2 people standing were her and a v pg woman. My friend asked compartment in general if someone would let the pg woman sit down - fast train, 40 mins to next stop. Friend said all the people in immediate vicinity were be-suited businessmen. All just looked away, apart from one who said, laughing, that the pg woman could sit on his knee. The woman - perhaps embarrassed by the laughing - declined. Fortunately, another woman much further down the carriage cottoned on to the exchange and offered her seat.

One of the things that got me about this story is that I bet many of those men ('of a certain age') had kids themselves. Didn't any of their wives/partners commute to/from work while they were pg?

"be-suited businessmen." They are the LAST sort of people I would expect to give up their seats. Poor dears have had a hard days work (or are on their way to a hard days work)...

Train commuters not great at getting up but I think they generally have longer journeys and therefore settle down more into their own little worlds - ipods and free papers really are the devils work. I refuse to believe they're just working out the cost-per-journey of their season tickets .
My tips for breaking their concentration without making a public announcement about your fertility:

1. if you can get far enough into the carriage that you are standing next to sitters, and you don't want to ask for a seat overtly, I used to undo my coat to make sure bump clearly visible, lean over them breathing heavily & ask a bit queasily if someone could open the window. Fear of being vomited worked every single time.
2. if you're getting on a train at a busy station, ask the other people waiting to get on if they mind if you go first to give you best chance of getting a seat - you don't have to shout at anyone/get public about it, they can tell you if they need the seat more, and that way you have best opportunity to get down the carriage and put 1) into action. Also worked every single time. I used to sit on the floor if I was struggling (stupidly really, would have been much better off asking but too afraid of being stropped at / making someone with one leg or similar stand up) - until I got told off quite aggressively for not asking for a seat! Can't bloody win!

Brilliant post - Isthatthetime I might just embellish the open window tactic with a loud burp I'm sure that will clear some seats quickly.

YANBU to be upset at the people who see you have a bump, but I'm one of those people who just get totally absorbed in their book - I'm not going to spend the three hours I spend travelling on a work day just looking around.

It depends what kind of train you use but I used to position myself near a table and ask those seated if they wouldn't mind me "perching" on the table. Someone would then usually get up .

Have you gone onto the Transport For London website and asked them to send you some Baby on Board badges? LU's Baby on Board badges are available from the LU Customer Services Centre (0845 330 9880).
I did not wear mine the whole time - but on those days when you knew that you really had to have a seat - they can really help. Even if nobody offers you a seat, often someone else standing would ask for a seat on your behalf. Sorry if someone has already suggested this, but could not bring myself to read through all the comments, as a) it is late and b) it just makes me so angry how selfish london commuters are!

Also you know the priority seats - I think that they should say something like -

If you are in this seat then please look up and see if anyone else is around who may need this seat -

I think that might get around the heads buried in their books issue.

To be fair, most people prior to getting pregnant themselves probably don't realise how difficult it is for pregnant woment to stand for any length of time. I certainly didn't until I became pregnant myself and you start finding it difficult way before you're showing.

I also had the attitude that I'd paid £3600 for my seat and because of that I sure as hell wasn't going to give it up, and I'll probably retain that attitude once I go back to work after having the baby save for someone that gets on at the last stop only. I can't blame other people for also thinking that.

Its a difficult one. I don't think you can ask a commuter to give their seat up since you don't know if they are fit enough to stand either. And if that commuter was a woman, she might also be pregnant.

No experience of London transport whilst pg, but funny really, I found that teenagers / schoolkids were the kindest in giving up their bus seats for me when I had a huge twins bump!! (in NZ)

kind of sidetracking, but thought I'd mention that some train companies will offer free first class upgrades for pregnant travellers, you just need to apply for a pass.

None of them seem to actively advertise this, but if you mine through the websites you find the contact details - I know that National Express East Anglia and South West trains both offer this

Just wanted to say that Great Western Railway operate a policy that if you are pregnant you can sit in first class with a standard ticket. I commute regularly and if I dont get a seat I just waddle to first class and enjoy the free snacks!! Try this and you will always get a seat and it will be comfortable. {grin}

My workplace runs a scheme whereby if you're pregnant and they need you to travel (there is a lot of travelling up and down the country in my job) they pay for you to go first class. Perhaps other workplaces do something similar?

missm what a fantastic workplace.

No chance at all with my work.