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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect someone to give up a seat on a train for a pg woman?

149 replies

watercress · 06/10/2009 10:42

I'm sure this has been done to death, but I've commuted into London a couple of times in the last couple of weeks, and have never managed to get a seat. I'm only 21 weeks pg, but am quite slight so my bump is blindingly obvious (people ask to touch it!).

I know that it isn't always obvious when people need to sit down, so I really don't like asking, but at one point I was literally the only person in my carriage standing!

Am starting to think that all Londoners are mean-spirited and selfish (but then I suppose I'm being selfish in wanting to sit down). Or very unobservant.

OP posts:

feedthegoat · 06/10/2009 21:58

Selfish people on trains are not just a London problem I'm afraid!

I worked late one night just before went on maternity leave so was almost 8 months pregnant. I did have a seat but the train was crowded as the GNER train hadn't turned up so various suited types were moaning about having to use the local service. Two men sat in same seats as me with a suitcase and laptop bag each.

As train pulled into station I politely said 'excuse me please' and was told 'sorry but if you want to get off you're going to have to climb'. The man was laughing as he said it. He did look embarasses when I stood up and he saw how pregnant I was but he didn't move the bags.

I shouldn't have done it but I have to admit to smiling politely and giving his bags a swift kick as I scrambled over.

MrsMerryHenry · 06/10/2009 21:59

Well done, goaty. Should've kicked his legs, though.

bean612 · 06/10/2009 22:31

Oh no watercress, that's really rubbish, I'm sorry. I'm a Londoner and when I was visibly pregnant I think I got a seat on the tube virtually every single time I travelled, without having to ask. Sometimes 2 or more people would leap up at once. It's the tube, I reckon - you get a kinder class of passenger. One of my friends who took the bus to work said she rarely got offered a seat when she was pg. Try the Northern Line - not the Misery Line after all!

bean612 · 06/10/2009 22:41

Also, I nearly always got offered a seat when carrying DD in a sling when she was little (as did DH!), and I regularly get offered a seat even when DD is in her buggy, so I can sit near her rather than crouching down next to her (which is what I do otherwise). And I often get help carrying her in her buggy up and down steps at stations (train and tube)- though this one is a bit more hit and miss, I'll admit. Maybe I've just been very lucky, but on the whole I've been rather touched by how kind and willing to help people have been.

juneybean · 06/10/2009 22:46

Move up north, most are really kind up here, I literally walked onto the metro with a buggy and a young lad jumped up to offer me his seat, I didn't need it though so declined politely.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 06/10/2009 23:02

IME, the most likely to give up their seats were youngish men and middle-aged women

WingedVictory · 06/10/2009 23:13

Outrageous. When I disloctaed my knee and had to use a stick, I was offered seats left, right and centre, let alone when I was pregnant!

There are lots of decent people out there, but also lots of wankers, it seems!

Do ask, and let people show they can be decent.

Melfish · 06/10/2009 23:27

Everysinglestar- yep, Central line is awful. I had to commute on it for the 1st 6 months of pregnancy from South Woodford to Mile End and was rarely offered a seat. I had to be on the train before 7 or after 9 to get a space. Thought it was just me but colleague's wife had the same experience.

Buses are pretty bad, was sent back from hospital in early labour and was not offered a seat by any of the turds on the bus from Kingston. Am so glad DH finally passed his driving test!

Next time I might carry one of those folding stool things.

Watercress- if you live on a south west train line ( and one which has 1st class carriages on it, so the main line service) you can get your season ticket upgraded for free if you send copy of your MatB cert, think there is further info on the website.

WingedVictory · 06/10/2009 23:28

oops: dislocated!

hmc · 06/10/2009 23:29

"To those who say "just ask", on Saturday I did ask a fit, young man if he might give me his seat and he told me that "having kids is a choice, so I should accept the consequences".

Amelie, a good riposte (that's french innit?) is to say "my children will be paying your pension in future - now get up you git"

Or tell him that the architects of the third republic would have found him deplorable.

SparklyGothKat · 06/10/2009 23:38

haven't read the whole thread, but I was 33 weeks pregnant with DD2, on my way back from a hospital appointment with Ds1 and was in premature labour! Not one person offered a seat, even though I was doubled over and gasping through the pains. DH had to ask someone to move so I could sit down...

anniemac · 07/10/2009 07:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

vess · 07/10/2009 07:48

Last time I was in London I found a great difference in people's attitude on the Tube and the train. There was always someone to give up their seat for me and dd (then just 2 y.o.) on the Tube. The commuter train out of London at 6 pm was a totally different story - they could kill you if you stand between them and their seat. Must be that expensive-season-ticket syndrome!

pigletmania · 07/10/2009 09:16

I think that its deplorable that people do not offer a seat to anyone who needs it incl pregnant, sick and disabled and elderly people. I dont know if the situation is worse in LOndon as i moved out of there 9 years ago. If i see a person who needs a seat i offer it to them.

MissM · 07/10/2009 09:17

Buses are a law unto themselves as well, especially bendy buses. I almost always got offered a seat on the tube (and if I didn't I asked), but never ever got offered a seat on the bus. I was once having to climb upstairs heavily pregnant when the bus lurched and did an emergency stop, and still no-one offered.

By the way, I am not a naturally assertive or outspoken person, but something just took over in pregnancy!

hackneybird · 07/10/2009 09:35

I agree that buses and trains are worse than the tube. I nearly always got offered a seat on the tube, but rarely on the bus.

From personal experience I'd also agree that people on the tube are often totally in their own worlds (especially in the morning) and just don't notice other people that need a seat rather then choosing not to give it to them.

On one occasion another young woman raced me to a single solitary spare seat on the Victoria Line. She got there first and had no qualms about sitting down. About 3 people around us immediately jumped up to give me theirs.

Londoners en masse can appear as rude, but acually most of us are nice people.

Stigaloid · 07/10/2009 09:44

I ask every journey and am given a seat - most people keep their heads down in papers and ipods on so a gentle tap of the knee, a smile and a rub of the belly with a 'please may i sit down' is usually followed by a seat swiftly offered. Don't expect things from people - speak up and ask.

girlafraid · 07/10/2009 10:33

I always found the tube OK and a vague "please, would anyone mind giving me a seat" always worked, once I got really big and knackered I had no qualms in asking although I had a tendency to cry whenevr anyone was particularly kind

Travelling on First Great Western was different and I do understand that having to pay £350 for a season ticket into London it is quite irritating for ANYONE to have to stand - after 25 weeks they let you sit in first class though which I found pretty enjoyable

NewbeeMummy · 07/10/2009 11:42

I rarely go into London as I find it so stiffling, but my sister lives there so have to go in occassionally.

Pre pg I used to always offer up my seat if I saw someone either pg or with children. So I was amazed when one hot afternoon this summer, I asked someone on the tube if I could sit down for 5 minutes as I was feeling light headed, and was told I just needed to go on a diet. I was only 5 months but had been stuck in a car for 6 hours, then a train for an hour and then on a stupidly over heated tube, it was one of the priority seats I asked for, and no one else offered theirs.

So I just sat on the woman who refused to move.

claw3 · 07/10/2009 11:49

Pregency isnt an illness, unless there are complications of course.

Although i would give up my seat.

wukter · 07/10/2009 11:59

It's best to ask on transport I think, shame normally moves them.
What's worse is the ante-natal waiting room of our local hospital. People's husbands/partners relaxing with the sports pages while Pg women stand around. I am the meekest wimp around but I had to say something - in loud ringing tones I said to one, "Do you mind getting up and letting someone pregnant sit down?" He shot up like a scalded cat, and about 5 others followed suit. Like a warrior queen I led my followers to our rightful place.

Maz34 · 07/10/2009 12:12

Get yourself a baby on board badge - most tube stations have them and do ask the idiots sat in prioity seats tpo get up. Most peeps are too ashamed to not give up their seat.

hmc · 07/10/2009 12:23

Wow Newbeemum - what did she do after you sat on her?

Stripycat23 · 07/10/2009 13:03

If I couldn't get a seat on the train to Sheffield while pregnant I would usually get offered a seat by a pensioner. At times I felt quite guilty.

I think my DS2 must have remembered. He was 11 months old when we took him on a train journey. By the time I got the pram on, him out, and sent DH & DS1 to find a seat all the others were taken. Except for a table seat which contained a giant bulldog of a man spralled out asleep over the table with all his stuff around him.

With young Ds2 in my arms I thought "bollocks" and sat opposite him. DS2 clocked bulldog and promptly lunged across the table and whacked him over the head. Bulldog gave such a girly squeak of fright. I said "DS2!! so sorry about that" as tears formed in my eyes from containing the bubbles of hysterical giggling which fizzed in my stomach. Still get them now thinking about it.

fizzpops · 07/10/2009 13:13

YANBU - but are they actually Londoners if they are commuting into London?

I commute and would be happy to give up my seat for someone who needed it, but most of the time I am taking an opportunity to have a read and probably wouldn't notice unless they asked. There are priority seats on my train and, although I would also hate to ask, if I felt I needed to sit down then this would embolden me to ask.

Funnily enough I never felt as if I needed a seat - more that I wanted to avoid being bumped about.

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