to expect someone to give up a seat on a train for a pg woman?

[watercress]

I'm sure this has been done to death, but I've commuted into London a couple of times in the last couple of weeks, and have never managed to get a seat. I'm only 21 weeks pg, but am quite slight so my bump is blindingly obvious (people ask to touch it!).

I know that it isn't always obvious when people need to sit down, so I really don't like asking, but at one point I was literally the only person in my carriage standing!

Am starting to think that all Londoners are mean-spirited and selfish (but then I suppose I'm being selfish in wanting to sit down). Or very unobservant.

Your employer is obliged to consider a request for altered/reduced working hours when you're pg so if you're really worried about your bump being bashed this would be an option; it's what I did when I was pg. You can't expect everyone else to work round you when you're pregnant, you have to take some responsibility for your own safety and adapt if necessary.

watercress I agree that Londoners are both selfish and unfriendly, partly as a result of being highly stressed. You need to ask, VERY LOUDLY and you will shame them into offering their seat.

All transport for Lonndon trains/buses have priority seats for PG women/elderly etc so anyone in such a seat needs to give it up to you.

If Londonders spot your bump, they are most likely to bury their face in their free newspaper and hope you don't feint on rthem, but will not offer you a seat unless you shame them.

That's my experience anyway, having communted through three pregnancies in London.

TLO have a badge you can wear, though often it won't work, ppl will just pretend they haven't noticed it.

You are also entitled to stagger your work hours (as opposed to reducing them) and ask to work from home sometimes, when you are PG, so as to avoid the crush.

Lastly, if there is a 1st class carriage you are entitled to sit there when PG if you cannot find an alternative seat.

Good luck

YANBU - i'm 26 weeks and look v pregnant today and had to stand.

But wonderfully, you give me the excuse to post an amazing story about what happened last night on the way home!

I, along with lots of other people was stood up, get to the next stop where lots of people got off. A bloke (looked mid 20's) who obviously hadn't seen me was about to sit down in a free seat when a more 'mature' woman who looked rather posh boomed down the carridge "Young man, are you really going to sit there? Do you not think you should offer the seat to the pregnant woman first?" The entire carridge looked mortified for him - and I didn't get as far as that seat (which he'd just jumped back up out of as if it was electrified) as 3 other besuited men stood up and sort of competed to give me their seats!

I have decided I'm going to be just like that woman when I'm older...

When I was 8 months pg I had to travel to a meeting with a couple of colleagues. We were late for the train because one of them wanted to stop and buy some fags so we had to run along the platform. When we got onto the train it was very full but my colleague found a seat, sat down, and said "Phew, that was a run!"

Most of the time it was just a matter of asking. People are scared of offering in case they offend a very fat person.

I commuted five days a week all through my pregnancy and was offered a seat all of 6 times in entirety. For me, I think the worst time was on a full bus at 40 weeks pregnant. I was with my DH and at the front of the bus near the priority seats. The people sitting there all, on first glance, appeared to be young and able; one of them even had a few shopping bags draped around her. Not one of them offered me a seat, even though I lost my balance and almost fell over when the bus veered round a roundabout - I had to grab on to my DH or I would have fallen quite badly (though I suppose all the other people would have broken my fall ).

YANBU I regularly commute and when pg people would actively push past me to get and get a seat (this is in Sheffield) I was lucky the cnductors got to know me due to horrendous morning and travel sickness and would get me a seat.

At 8 months pg had to go to a meeting in London - had to stand on the tube as no-one would give up their seat.

I always make sure I let elderly, pg, disabled, those with children etc on the train before me - and believe you me it causes great outburts of anger everytime.

Dizzyclarebear - your story made me laugh - how hilarious!! When pg with my 2nd, I used to commute on the tube every day to work. In the mornings, luckily I started pretty much at the beginning of the line so was more than often, ok. However, there were quite a few times where we had to change etc and I always ended up standing. As I was a continual vomiter and fainter - it wasn't a good move for those who didn't give up their seats. Indeed, on at least 4 times I can remember I puked all over people sitting and fainted 3 times. Still didn't end up with a seat!! And no, I did not feel guilty about puking on those sitting. I have always carried HUGE so no mistaking the pg bump.

I booked a seat on a long train journey when I was quite heavily pregnant - it was occupied by a nice old lady whose prebooked window seat next to it was occupied by a young woman. There were no other seats and people were standing.

When the old lady asked the girl if she wouldn't mind moving out of her seat now as she'd booked the seat but didn't want to disturb her when there was a free seat, the girl was really huffy and she actually asked to see my ticket with the seat number and booking ref on it!

And she got off at the next stop anyway.

My experience of commuting when pregnant in London is you just have to swallow your shyness and get assertive. Ask, ask and ask. As others have said, people get shamed into offering. Yes there are idiots all over but Londoners are so firecely protective of the little space they have that they won't give it up easily. But they will (especially if they're Eastern European).

When I was 6 months pregnant I went to the theatre and was waiting in the queue for the loo in the interval (it was a long queue). An older American woman turned round and saw me, marched to the front of the queue and cried, "Ok girls, let the pregnant lady through, she has to pee more than you do!" People parted like the Red Sea

Clapham Junction is the worst. I'm clearly pregnant but all the priority seats are taken up by commuters who pretend I don't exist. I'm basically invisible.

I was in Rome recently and had the opposite experience. Everyone was giving up their seats, staring at me, touching my bump! I seemed to be a novelty.

Interestingly on public transport in Rome all the priority seating was always occupied by nuns who never once offered me a seat nor the multitude of elderly and disabled who were travelling alongside me. They were quite happy to sit there and let us stand. No-one ever commented but most commuters happy to give up their non-priority seat for me.

Which train company do you travel with?
Some (well, South West trains at least) will give you a free upgrade to first class if you are a season ticket holder and pregnant.

Failing that, ask. Even if the person you ask doesn't stand up, it takes a brave man to hear the exchange and not offer his seat and tut at the rude person who won't stand

I'd like to defend the London "travelling public". I commute into London every day on the Victoria Line and people have been very sympathetic. I've only ever had to ask for a seat once and it was given up immediately. Last night a stranger asked someone to give up their seat for me and I'd barely got on the tube! I go on another line for one stop so don't bother trying to sit down, but find I have to hide my bump to prevent someone from the other end of the carriage leaping up and giving me their seat! I'd like to think I don't look especially pathetic, but maybe....

I commuted from London Bridge to Old Street on the Northern Line and got a seat virtually every day of my (visible) pregnancy.
I was so deliriously happy to be pregnant that I think most people got 'freaky happy person' vibes from me and naturally backed away!
Ever since she has been born I have always been helped with the pushchair too.

My ds is disabled, but I'm too scared of asking in London for a seat for him!

It's obvious he is struggling to stand on trains, nearly fell into a businessman's briefcase on sat. But I find the professional looking ones are the worse. Two young girls got up for him in the end, and the businessman continued on his blackberry sitting in the priority seat.

I've heard varying degrees of 'niceness' on the tube...I've heard the Central line is the worst - any confirmations?

I'm guilty of not noticing, but would move if asked, and if I do spot someone heavily pregnant then I always offer. Ditto those traveling with children.

When I nannied for two young children a few years ago the little one (just 3 but in size 18-month clothes) would always fall asleep after a day out. His dad said he was too old for a buggy so I had to carry him home - no one EVER offered me a seat when they saw me with a sweaty toddler on my shoulder and his 5-year-old sister clung to my leg. Made me very cynical and now to spite them all I offer mums and kids seats all the time - don't their smiles just make your day??

And for those of you who have said you might not offer due to offending someone who's just fat... I bet the fat people wouldn't mind sitting down, and maybe you are kicking them up the arse to lose some weight

I commuted into work in London right up to the day I was admitted into hosp to have DS and did not generally have a problem getting a seat. Trains and tubes. I think everyone is really busy so don't always notice a pregnant woman get on. My motto was always to ask if I was not offered a seat. I always got one if not more people get up. On some lines I had to fight off the offers of seats especially if I was only going one stop Make sure when you get on you move up the aisle and don't hang around the doors and people can see you more easily.

I think Canary Wharf is pretty bad, but across London I think you usually have to ask - as many people will not move unless asked, so I always ask super politely to those sitting in the priority seats and say "excuse me do you need that seat?" that way if they have a hidden disability then ofcourse they may need it.

And I always really thank people who get up.

If the shoe is on the other foot - I don't buy the people saying they are scared of offending someone you can always ask "are you need of a seat?" to a range of people, they may just look exhausted and sick, not just fat.

I also don't quite buy the people don't make eye contact - as the same people do move away from nutters quick quickly.

YANBU- best of luck

I had to use the northern line(notoriously busy) 5 days a week, the biggest problem was if there was space to get on the tube. After that I 'excuse me' to the seats, stuck my hand on my bump and if that didn't work, 'um, excuse me, I wonder if...' never got any further than that
I understood that if you are going though 10 stations stopping every 3 min and you are interested in what you are reading you are not going to look up every time the tube stops.
People where very good, but I did make it clear that I wanted a seat, you have to be proactive.
There are rude people everywhere, just in heavily populated areas they are more obvious.

If you are talking about trains rather than the tube, then explain to the guard (or 'train manager' as I believe they are called) that you are pg and then ask nicely, 'would you mind if I sit in first class?' Always worked for me when I was pg. They couldn't have been nicer and I got to travel in peace and quiet. A bit cheeky I suppose, but take advantage of the bump when you can

As my username implies, I've never been PG, and I know I am guilty of not noticing. I get on at the end of the Vic line so always get a seat. The other day I gave up my seat for an elderly lady who took it, but with no thank you and a filthy look. Was peed off!

I used to get on quiet trains but if it was busy I would say loudly "Could anybody please give me a seat, I'm a bit bloody pregnant" in a jolly tone. I wasn't asking someone specific so it wasn't as scary.

I very very rarely get helped - this was true when pregnant and when struggling up and down stairs with a buggy and 4 dcs but I do think this is mostly my fault. I have an enormous reticence to ask and I"m sure that if I did there would usually be someone who would offer - not really sure why I find it so difficult.
I did have a couple of bad experiences. Took my 3 boys to the natural history museum when 34 weeks pregnant with DC4. The lift up to the dinosaurs was out of order and a member of staff was standing there to tell everyone - even though there was a sign. I plucked up courage and asked him to help me up the nstairs with the buggy and he said he could"t because he had to stay there to tell people the lift was out of order. I therefore had to carry the buggy up the stairs with my 2 older ones being swept along by the crowd and nobody offering to help. I know I should have been more proactive and asked someone else but after being knocked back once and not being particularly good at asking for help, I just got on with it.

When I was preg in London I'd say it was 70/30 whether I'd get a seat. I really regretted not asking when I needed one, so now I just ask and if anyone is moronic enough to dare to try the 'it's a choice' line on me, I shall tell them that they now have a choice to make: either have me sit on them (I am not light!) or have me faint on them.

As a born and bred Londoner who's recently left the big smoke I agree that Londoners are far more self-absorbed than the general non-city dwelling population, and that's again a choice. I have no time for the 'guilty of not looking' people - if you know you don't normally look, then blardy look next time - it's really not that difficult, even if you've got your head down in a good book.

I'm also a London commuter, in my first pregnancy I broke my arm at about six months but even the arm-in-a-sling/visible bump combo didn't get me a seat. On one occasion a bloke in his 20s raced me to the one available seat (he won), I should have said something but I just felt really stupid. And none of the people watching offered me their seat either. On my last day of work another pregnant woman gave me her seat - her logic being that I was a bit more pregnant than her! So no, YANBU - I can believe that one or two people just haven't notice you but the rest are just bloody lazy/rude. And I hate asking too, just find it really embarassing.

I always got a seat - at one particularly busy station, two men stood either side of the opening doors and held back the crowd while I (rather regally) boarded.

If I'm standing and see a preg woman I ask if they need a seat, which usually prompts someone to jump up - often people don't notice. I think young men often offer as they are prone to eye up the women around them so notice more!