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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect someone to give up a seat on a train for a pg woman?

149 replies

watercress · 06/10/2009 10:42

I'm sure this has been done to death, but I've commuted into London a couple of times in the last couple of weeks, and have never managed to get a seat. I'm only 21 weeks pg, but am quite slight so my bump is blindingly obvious (people ask to touch it!).

I know that it isn't always obvious when people need to sit down, so I really don't like asking, but at one point I was literally the only person in my carriage standing!

Am starting to think that all Londoners are mean-spirited and selfish (but then I suppose I'm being selfish in wanting to sit down). Or very unobservant.

OP posts:
CantThinkofFunnyName · 07/10/2009 13:24

Claw - I can't believe you've come on this thread to say that being pregnant is not an illness, unless there are complications!

The whole point with pregnancy, why we get free prescriptions etc - is that complications are incredibly common and most of the time - you wouldn't know to look at someone - hence why pregnant women are lumped into the "priority seat" brigade.

And tbh, most pregnant women are quite reasonable and if a seat is offered and they don't actually feel like they need it, they will more often than not, very kindly thank for the offer, but decline.

blondieminx · 07/10/2009 13:28

YANBU but for the best chance of success:

  1. Get a "baby on board" badge from any tube station and wear it with pride (makes it obvious that no, the big tummy isn't just lard
  1. Ask for what you need. As others have said, commuters are often wrapped up in their own little worlds with ipods/reading and don't notice and - for those that do notice but don't shift, being asked normally makes them move!
bubblesincambridge · 07/10/2009 13:54

If you have a season ticket check with your train company. National Express and First Capital Connect both offer 1st class upgrades for pregnant women for a certain period of time. You have to apply to them. I had to send a letter from my employer confirming when my last day at work would be. I've just got my pass from National Express and its great!

Prior to that, I would normally get a seat (since I get on quite far out) but then it kept getting pinched whilst I was on the loo, even when I left stuff on the seat (jacket, book etc). One guy didn't want to give me the seat back either and I had to tell him I was pregnant (this was a few months ago) before he would move again! So then I got a laminated sign made at work which said "I'm pregnant, I've just nipped to the loo, please don't take my seat". Sounds completely nuts, but it worked anyway.

claw3 · 07/10/2009 13:54

Cantthinkoffunnyname - My point being if you are fit and healthy and dont have complications, the fact you have a baby in your stomach, shouldnt make standing a problem.

bubblesincambridge · 07/10/2009 13:55

If you haven't got a season ticket so can't get a free pass, stick your stomach out as much as possible right in some bloke's face. That might work. Failing that sit on the floor - that's what I would do.

Original poster
watercress · 07/10/2009 13:58

Hi, thanks for all the comments (and stories). For the odd individual who asked why i need to sit down because I'm pg, I have v low BP and standing still for a long time makes me faint (this nearly happened on a train and I ended up sitting on the floor - still nobody moved).

I'm also not dissing Londoners, as I live inside the M25 and consider myself one. And yes, I do give up my seat to those in need!

In fact, last night I had managed to get a seat when a heavily pg woman
got on. Still too shy to say anything, I Offered her my seat, but she took one look at me then said very loudly "I'm disgusted that the only person to offer me a seat is another pg woman"! No shortage of offers after that, so thank you if it was you!

I have also talked to HR about altering my hours when working in London to avoid the crush hour (I'm on one of those v busy lines into London) and am just going to be more assertive and pro-active in the future!

So thank you x

OP posts:
claw3 · 07/10/2009 14:02

Watercress - Who asked you why you had to sit down?

Feierabend · 07/10/2009 14:20

I was once told by a ticket inspector that pregnancy wasn't an illness and therefore I should leave first class, where I was sitting, and go squeeze into the second class corridor, which was packed with commuters. He also said I shouldn't be travelling during peak times if I needed a seat (I was on my way to work).

Feierabend · 07/10/2009 14:24

Claw3 -'just the fact that you carry a baby doesn't mean you need to sit down'. I think EVERY pg woman should be allowed to sit down. I suffered from sickness and backache throughout my second pregnancy. My feet hurt. Plus the trains I used to travel on were always so packed, people would punch me in the stomach. Yes I was fit and healthy in theory but...?

Feierabend · 07/10/2009 14:26

Oh and the baby on board badge is a cute idea, but doesn't work. If people manage to ignore your bump, they'll also ignore the badge. They're too busy listening to their ipods / playing with their laptops / reading the newspaper.

CantThinkofFunnyName · 07/10/2009 14:34

Pregnancy itself itsn't an illness - we all know that, but it does cause blood pressure problems (cannot be seen); dizziness, fainting, sickness, oedema, increase of blood flow means we feel the heat more, body carrying additional weight pressing on organs and these are the minor side effects - all of which make you feel pretty bloody ill and want/need a seat.

Will refer again to the story when i used to travel on Northern Line (tube), fainted and vomited several times on passengers sitting in priority seats, ignoring v large pregnant bump in their face. Once feeling of embarrassment passes, one can get a large degree of satisfaction from this single (unplanned) act of revenge....

Sorry - but this subject does get me in a bit of rant...

Feierabend · 07/10/2009 14:36

Nice one Can'tThinkOf. Well done

I also like the 'I just sat down on top of the woman'!

Feierabend · 07/10/2009 14:37

You forget back/hip/pelvis pain. And baby sitting right on your bladder. Somehow sitting down always helped with not feeling the pressure so much.

claw3 · 07/10/2009 14:47

Feier - What i said was 'the fact you have a baby in your stomach, shouldnt make standing a problem'

In not saying pregnant women dont need to sit down, just that you shouldnt need to sit down from the moment of conception just because you are pregnant.

CantThinkofFunnyName · 07/10/2009 15:00

You're on a losing battle here Claw - the reasons outlined above are precisely reasons why it is better for a pregnant woman to sit down from the moment of conception. This is, is it not, the worst time for morning sickness?

somethinganything · 07/10/2009 15:12

Slightly off the point but I live in zone 2 and travel almost exclusively by tube (occasionally bus). 4 times out of 5, the people who do offer me a seat or help with the buggy are not 'White British' i.e. they are either tourists or from an ethnic minority. Don't really know what to make of that, just an observation...

claw3 · 07/10/2009 15:12

Canthinkoffunnyname - the reasons outlined above would be classed as complications, hence why i said standing shouldnt be a problem, unless there are complications.

OK i give up, women shouldnt stand up from the moment of conception

somethinganything · 07/10/2009 15:19

Claw3 but even if you consider them to be complications (rather than normal symptoms) you'll admit that they are very, very common ones - it's unusual to go through pregnancy without experiencing any of them.

So you'd think people would look at pregnant people, think "there's a fair chance that person has backache/nausea/dizziness, I'll offer them a seat, and if they don't have any of the above it will just have been a nice thing to do"

CantThinkofFunnyName · 07/10/2009 16:16

YES! Claw3 - you have made my evening - I almost never win an argument/debate !!!

claw3 · 07/10/2009 16:32

Somethinganything - Already stated i would give up my seat and yes it would be a nice thing for everyone to do.

How pregnant women cope when they are not on a tube/bus etc with standing up is beyond me!

claw3 · 07/10/2009 16:33

Cantthinkoffunnyname - Is not about winning, its about having fun

CantThinkofFunnyName · 07/10/2009 16:37

Ah but conceding that I'm right is fun, in my book anyway !

somethinganything · 07/10/2009 16:40

claw3 so when you wrote "the fact you have a baby in your stomach, shouldnt make standing a problem" your point was that, that there are times when pregnant women can stand up without any discomfort? Sure, I agree, there are times when that is the case but I don't think that was the point of the thread, which is about women who do need to sit down never being offered a seat

claw3 · 07/10/2009 16:53

Somethinganything - The OP was about women needing to sit down just because they are pregnant, is how i read it.

claw3 · 07/10/2009 16:59

Cantthinkoffunnyname - Now i will have to drown my sorrow in a barrel of gin and cry myself to sleep and its all your fault!

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