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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not buy the adult relatives (BIL, SIL etc) in the family gifts this Christmas?

55 replies

lovechoc · 04/10/2009 18:50

This is following on from a similar thread really. It just made me think that this year we are going to have to go through the same carry-on just before Christmas of not only getting the children gifts but also the adults in the family.

Now, I don't mind my parents and DH's parents, but I do mind having to buy for SILs or other family members that we hardly see.

AIBU to just forget about these relatives and focus on the children instead??

A few of them don't have children, so I suppose it would be a bit mean, but really, in these times, surely people understand??

OP posts:

AvengingGerbil · 04/10/2009 18:52

Just make sure you let them know in advance that you're not going to be exchanging gifts, so that you don't end up in the embarrassing position of receiving but not giving.

Mybox · 04/10/2009 18:52

Could you do a present pick - when you chose a pressie for a man or woman, wrap it up & then it's a pot luck who gets what. Works in our family - also the pressie must be under an agreed limit - ours was £5.

lolapoppins · 04/10/2009 18:55

YANBU

I have two sister who have 10 kids between them. We don't see them that much anway, but go out of our way to try and not see them around xmas, as they expect presents for themselves and thier other halves. We spent xmas with them two years ago and my ds had to go without nice presents just so we could get all the adults presents. We are broke, but they still make it clear they all expect gifts. Christmas presents are for children IMO.

MovingOutOfBlighty · 04/10/2009 18:57

We pick a name out of a hat amongst the 12 of us and spend £25 on that person. It works really well!

Original poster

lovechoc · 04/10/2009 19:01

These are good ideas actually, will discuss with DH tonight about this and see what he thinks. I have one DB but DH has a DSis and a DB so it's a pain in the ar*e really, esp when you hardly know them.

If he's not keen on adult amnesty, then it will have to be presents out of Poundland for these relatives!!

OP posts:

piscesmoon · 04/10/2009 19:01

YANBU- we did it years ago. We only do DCs and stop when they get to 18yrs. We buy for parents and PIL.

Monty100 · 04/10/2009 19:01

YANBU. Adult amnesty is the way to go imho. I have a db who doesn't have any dcs awww and I always buy him a pressie as I luuurve him so much.

The other way is to buy something for the adults to unwrap as a'token' for a fiver?

Nar, just call an amnesty for the adults.

piscesmoon · 04/10/2009 19:02

We go out for a meal at some point with BIL and SIL-instead-much better.

janeite · 04/10/2009 19:06

We started this a couple of years ago. A few people were a bit sniffy about it at first but they soon got over it. For us, it was less about money than about reducing the amount of STUFF coming into the house.

For best friends, we have agreed a ten pound token family present, rather than buying something for each person. Last year we got them some games from M&S, some popping corn, Green and Blacks hot choc and marshmallows.

rachyh85 · 04/10/2009 19:08

we trialed this last year and i think it worked, dnt think anyone minded, although some cousins weren't in on it... lol. think we may do it again this year but confirm a bit earlier than last year so everyone knows where they stand
a good idea imo, im happy when my dd is happy, so give her a pressie and you get two smiles for the price of one haha.

Original poster

lovechoc · 04/10/2009 19:08

ha, nice idea piscemoon, if one's BIL and SIL actually like socialising with people . If ours were sociable then we'd probably think of doing the same. They tend to keep themselves to themselves so it has to be a gift,or as others have said just adult amnesty from now on. Surely people who have DC won't be offended by this??? I will broach this with DH very shortly. If they have DC (BIL and SIL) then it's a different case from my DB who is single so I'd probably still get him a gift. But then that would unfair...ugh, families!!

OP posts:

sparkle09 · 04/10/2009 19:17

im making xmas baskets with homemade xmas bicuits. i have got cellophane and everything , im also getting the kids to help make them,

there will be one each for each family. im making about 12 altogether. and total cost will be about 30 odd pounds. not bad for about 50 adults and kids!

pressies for my kids only this year!

sparkle09 · 04/10/2009 19:18

by the way this is the first time i have EVER done anything like this! so we will see how it all turns out! lol

moondog · 04/10/2009 19:22

Very nice Sparkle and you time and effort will be so appreciated. Anyone, even the poorset, can buy, not everynoe can be thoguhtful and put in the effort like you.

DippyFarquhar · 04/10/2009 19:30

There's six of us siblings and we have 20 children between us and for the last few years we've been using this site

www.elfster.com/

Basically, everyone gets an email asking if they want to take part (we do a separate one for the children) and then you get an email telling you who you're going to buy for. The adult/couple limit is £5 and £1 for the children.

You can put up a wishlist, link to items you'd like and/or answer questions about your interests to give people ideas.

It works pretty well but if you don't think evceryone will participate then just inform everyone that you're only buying for the children this year. I don't see how people can be offended by your decision without coming across as selfish.

AngelaCarleen · 04/10/2009 19:40

As long as everyone knows about it they should be okay, although surely your DH will understand you wanting to get your brother something. It is different if you don't have kids.

We're having a secret santa for adults this year, everyone was really pleased when I suggested it as you do end up with a lot of crap stuff at christmas otherwise.

Original poster

lovechoc · 05/10/2009 12:24

I spoke to him last night and he didn't have much to say about it, stayed quiet so I'm guessing he's not really into the 'adult amnesty' idea. I just think it's stupid to spend money on presents (esp if they're not appreciated by certain relatives!). it's just so much hassle.

OP posts:

Original poster

lovechoc · 05/10/2009 12:26

thanks Dippy will show DH Elfster tonight when he gets in from work, what a brilliant idea!! I like the sounds of this because every adult relative has an email address so has potential to work...

OP posts:

chickbean · 05/10/2009 14:33

We have done it with our ILs for the last couple of years - would love to cut out birthdays for adults too, but that seems to be a step too far at the moment.

I wish people wouldn't feel that they had to get posh stuff for presents - I'm sick of getting fancy toiletries - I must have half a dozen barely-used foot lotions/bath oils - have learned now and just send them unused to the charity shop - but would really appreciate a big bottle of Pantene, some Dove soap or, if they were pushing the boat out, some anti-wrinkle cream!

Stigaloid · 05/10/2009 14:50

We are doing this this year. We are buying SIL and her partner one small gift each and then focusing on their young son. Same with my DB and his fiance (although they don't have kids).

piscesmoon · 05/10/2009 19:09

We have cut out adult birthdays too-we just do the 'big' birthdays-it makes life much simpler.
The only point of Christmas presents IMO is to have something to open on the day. If SIL has requested money I would be inclined to say 'great, can I have money too'. The next obvious thing to point out is that it is pointless to exchange the same amut of money, but that you both buy yourselves something!!

piscesmoon · 05/10/2009 22:08

Sorry-I was confusing threads-I thought this was the one where SIL was asking for money instead of a gift-ignore my last post.

Original poster

lovechoc · 06/10/2009 13:54

it's ok, piscesmoon, they are all sort of interlinked anyway what with who you should buy for, what to give etc.

OP posts:

TsarChasm · 06/10/2009 13:57

Yanbu. We agreed to do the same some years ago. Still get a present for our parents though, but not all other adults in family.

lisianthus · 06/10/2009 16:39

YANBU. Just make sure everyone knows in advance, or do the "secret Santa" thing everyone is suggesting.

at lolapoppins' relatives. I'd have told them that they can "expect" presents all they like, but they won't be getting any as DS comes first. How very rude of them!

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