to not buy the adult relatives (BIL, SIL etc) in the family gifts this Christmas?

[lovechoc]

This is following on from a similar thread really. It just made me think that this year we are going to have to go through the same carry-on just before Christmas of not only getting the children gifts but also the adults in the family.

Now, I don't mind my parents and DH's parents, but I do mind having to buy for SILs or other family members that we hardly see.

AIBU to just forget about these relatives and focus on the children instead??

A few of them don't have children, so I suppose it would be a bit mean, but really, in these times, surely people understand??

A few years ago my sis requested we do this, i.e. buy only for the children but not the adults (apart from parents)

I could see where she was coming from since her DH had about five older sisters who all had kids and even grandkids! She was the only one working at the time so they hadn't much money coming in and with only one DC of their own it did seem a a bit much to be spending all that on the whole extended family when there was just their one kid getting stuff in return.

She told us she felt like she couldn't apply this just to his side and not her own but we were all fine with it.

YANBU

YANBU.

I am on maternity leave and just can't afford to buy for all the adults this year. I am making Christmas Chutney for everyone instead, like Sparkle, this is my first attempt at home made gifts, so am hoping it turns out well!

I've been doing this for years (single, no kids).

Buy for all the kids and childless siblings.Once the kids reached 18yrs I stopped getting them and went back to buying for their parents instead.

Only exceptions are best friends and parents (altho no longer with us) and a few other people i'm close to. Still have 30 people on the list this year tho

We stopped buying gifts for all DH's extended family 2 yrs ago in an effort to cut down on what we were getting.

We spent maybe £10 per family (Aunts/Uncles, Cousins and kids) on charity gifts like goats and chickens, school meals, etc. Each gift gets a card which you can personalise. Try oxfam or world vision for a good selection. Saved loads.

We don't receive gifts anymore from them which is fine. One year a cousin gave us a smoke alarm!!!!!

We stopped buying gifts for all DH's extended family 2 yrs ago in an effort to cut down on what we were getting.

We spent maybe £10 per family (Aunts/Uncles, Cousins and kids) on charity gifts like goats and chickens, school meals, etc. Each gift gets a card which you can personalise. Try oxfam or world vision for a good selection. Saved loads.

We don't receive gifts anymore from them which is fine. One year a cousin gave us a smoke alarm!!!!!

We started years ago with a ten pound present limit for the adults and then we just went for the full-on amnesty. It was partly financial, partly "too much stuff" and partly to ease the hours spent looking and choosing presents within the limit.

Christmas presents are for children. It's great. We give presents to the grandparents though.

We have mostly just done children for the oast few years. Easier with other people with little ones though as you get a christmas experience through them. I think whatever you decide it's best to have a reciprocal arrangement to save embarrassment for everyone.

suggested secret santa type affair for dh family 2 years ago but got vetoed (they are such nice people they bought for each other and not for us)

could you do a foodie type thing/homemade biscuits/something for the whole family like previous suggestions

for dh family now I just send them a photo of the kids

MIL thinks nothing of helping herself to what she wants from my house anyway

jem - good luck with your chutney. my baskets arrived today. im really looking forward to make them all up!.

I never buy the adults presents other than a token box of chocs if they have kids, too much money.
I always get them something on their birthday though, but christmas is for the kids.

Sorry to hiack, but where did you get your baskets from sparkle09 - love your idea!

We do a 'secret' santa with my siblings and partners, and also put a cap on the amount (£30). Works well, you dont end up with a load of crap (or socks, or books that you never get around to reading).

We also put a cap of £15 per child as well otherwise it just gets out of control.

bainmarie - here
going to line them with doilies and wrap with xmas cellophane. there going to be so cool. x

We don't really bother with sibling ILs, unless they're here for Xmas and then it would be churlish not to give presents. Otherwise it's just parents.

I told all my friends and family straight out several years ago that I would not be buying gifts for them any more because money is very tight. I also asked them not to buy for me, though several have continued to do so...it just embarrasses me that they still do it tbh.

YANBU. This is what we do with DH's (v. large) family, (although we do get the ones without children presents). Think you sound very reasonable.

Thanks for link sparkle09.

Secret santa works brilliantly well with my sister's side on the family. Last year MIL told everyone that the adults were not to buy presents for each other but were just to buy for our DD. Very for us so we cooked Xmas dinner to compensate for them all buying for DD. Come Xmas Day, DD swamped in presents, MIL produces presents for everyone and one SIL also produces presents for everyone and expects everyone to have bought her stuff.

MIL has issued same instruction for this year but I suspect the same thing will happen again.

I think it is FINE not to buy adults Christmas gifts, esp if you hardly see them/have a big family etc.

What you HAVE to do is to execute this with grace! Do not follow the example in my family of sitting coolly while people present you with lots of thoughtful gifts and then hissing at your partner "YOU were supposed to have told them" and handing over a randomly-chosed Oxfam thingy.

Take it from me, it is really CRASS, done that way

DH's brother never visits, him and his wife never come to our house for as many times as we've offered them to visit, so it really is daft to be exchanging presents when we know NOTHING about each other. So Prunerz think we'll not bother exchanging gifts with DH's side of the family. They just come across as only wanting presents at birthdays and Christmas yet don't want to make the effort to visit. Selfish twats.

Rant over . PMT.

YANBU I am sick of buying adults xmas presents that they don't want and I can't afford. Hate bloomin christmas because of it.

I am always a massive fan of buying presents for kids

However adults are a secondary thing and they get as I can afford.

but it is nice to give something- even if just a few home made biscuits

Saw this idea on the MArtin Lewis moneysavingwebsite today.
Seems quite a good idea.

Katisha that's a brilliant idea from MSE website. will suggest this one too, to DH and see what he thinkss. Think I would like to go with the NUPP rather than NUPP lite!

I give token gifts in these situations, joint presents also a good idea. Food and /or drink pressies are not so pricey and usually well recieved.

We stopped the whole big pressie thing for sisters, brothers, aunties, cousins, next door neighbours cat etc. a few years ago. We buy for the kids and our parents then a small silly token pressie for everyone else. Small bits of junk jewellery for the gals and bottles of wine or cheap novelty bits of tat for the men.

Christams shopping is SOOOOO much easier!