It was my birthday yesterday and DH was taking me away for the day and then we were going out for tea. Mum was going to mind DS.
She came round in the morning for a couple of minutes to pick up my DS and obviously to visit me on my birthday. Dad and DB came round at the same time, didn't really speak to me and didn't say happy birthday. I explained that it was really important that DS went to bed between 6-7pm as he usually goes about 6.15 and it is the one thing he is really picky about. He's 17 months and when he's ready for bed he gets his PJs, nappy and wipes, asks for a cup of 'milk' and says 'bobos' if he's left up any later he gets really unsettled and he will be up a good few times in the night crying. He likes to get up about 8am and if he has gone to bed at his bed time he sleeps through. He's a little poorly at the moment with a head cold and cough so it's even more important.
I said I wasn't fussed about anything else, when I send food she normally doesn't feed him it and gives him her own thing so I thought fair enough since she's having him overnight for us.
She ended up 'losing track of time' as she went to her sister's house who generally takes priority over anyone else. She rang me at 7.45 saying she'd just put him to bed and he was crying his eyes out and refusing his cup of milk. She wanted to know what to do. I was just getting ready to go to the meal and got a little flustered. I was ok on the phone but I txt afterwards and said 'I really appreciate you having him for us but when he stays at yours or [DH's mums's] it's really important you stick to our routine as it really works for him.' She gets very huffy and on her high horse if MIL ever does anything slightly wrong like feed him the 'wrong' thing or put him to bed later/fuss over him and play with him when he's in his cot.
She rang me and said 'what the hell is that supposed to mean?' I said 'nothing, I'm just saying he's very much in his bed routine and he'll keep you up all night now and he'll be bad for a couple of nights.' she was really angry and started shouting.
I said I really didn't want to row on my birthday and I was on my way out. She said 'fine, see you' and hung up.
I rang this morning and I was nice, didn't mention the night before, just asked when we should pick him up. She was off, but ok.
She wasn't in when we went to pick him up so I rang her a few times to find out where she was, she didn't answer her mobile. I then rang my dad who was really off with me, barely spoke, was grumpy and had a really nasty attitude. I finally got in touch with my mum and she had gone shopping so DH and I went to meet her to get DS. I asked her why my dad had been off and if it had been because of the night before. She said 'I don't know'. I said that I hadn't been horrible, I'd simply said that it is important that he goes to bed at his bed time as he gets unsettled otherwise. She started shouting in the shop. She said that DS had slept fine but he was tired out and slept 2 and a half hours when he got home. He doesn't normally sleep in the day anymore or if he does it's for 15-20 mins or so.
My sister came round today to bring me a card and I said 'I think mum's upset with me'. Mum had already told her what had happened but had been moaning about the fact she looks after DS 3 afternoons a week while I work, but at the moment she has to have him 4 as SIL has broken her leg and can't look after him. My sister was well and truly on mum's side. My mum has her twins 6 days a week all day. Sister said that I 'need mum too much' to 'act' like I have, and that if I'm going to have mum look after DS then I can't have anything done how I want it done, it needs to be how mum has it done and I can bite my tongue.
She was quite agressive about this.
Background is that they are a toxic family and I am very much the scapegoat in general anyway. But I was just trying to ask her to do what is best for DS. I was nice about it and really don't know why she has kicked off so much. Now mum isn't speaking to me at all and had to drop some birthday cards off for me so she walked past my front room window- I was sat in the chair next to the window, posted them through the door and marched off.
It just all seems silly. I have a teaching observation this week and my 20 week scan so I'm very worried and may be being irrational but I just cannot see why she's gone mad about it.