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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be cross about this birthday card for my 1 year old?

196 replies

MiffedAndPeeved · 30/09/2009 15:36

Long story short, and receive a card for our first baby's birthday from a friend I haven't seen since he was born (we live at opposite ends of the country now) and she visited us. We've kept in touch on facebook, swapped photos etc, but she hardly knows the little man and how good a baby he has been for us.

The card is one of those customised mock-ups of a magazine cover, similar to OK etc. My "friend" has used photos I've sent her over the last twelve months to make it look like he is some sort of mini- George Best type, and it has really irked me for some reason.

Example- one photo shoes him covered in food, and the headline reads "That Banana Incident- XXX's full confession" . Then there is the one of me and dh looking knackered holding him, captioned "The Parents' Story- Our Nightly Hell" . Worse, they're is one of me holding him after birth with the headline "Bloodied But Unbowed- Once More Unto The Breech?"

My friend knows it is early days into my pregnancy with dc2, but I haven't told everyone yet. What's more, it feels like it's sort of wishing a difficult birth onto me IYSWIM?

If she comes her for the birthday party, which she has intimated she might, she'll expect to see it on the mantelpiece, but A) I don't want everyone to know I'm pregnant again, and B)It makes us look like we had a terrible time with ds, and he's a little darling, an angel compared to most. Do you think she's transferring her own experience of babies onto us? It feels like it!

So, am I being unreasonable to think she is being crass and insensitive? Should I try and fob her off about the party? I don't know how the card is going to go down with my mother especially, particularly the Banana bit.

OP posts:
ILoveStripeySocks · 30/09/2009 15:40

I think your friend is just trying to be funny. And I wouldnt have concluded that you were pregnant agian from reading it either. Im not sure I even find it offensive in any way. Might just be me though!

Id out it up for the party & forget about it.

hf128219 · 30/09/2009 15:42

YABU! Hide the card if you don't want your mum to see it.

Jujubean77 · 30/09/2009 15:42

Not my choice in cards but I am sure she isn't being malicious, just a bad joke. I think you are reading a bit much into it - not sure about what you mean that it won't go down well with your Mother?

Original poster
MiffedAndPeeved · 30/09/2009 15:43

Don't you think she should have asked me if I was going through "hell" though?

OP posts:
kingfix · 30/09/2009 15:43

to me it sounds like she has just mis-judged the tone. Those headlines sound quite funny to me, she might be horrified to find she's upset you.
No need to stick it on the mantelpiece though and the not giving away your pregnancy gives you the perfect excuse if you want one

superstar1 · 30/09/2009 15:43

I think you are maybe just a bit sensitive at the moment due to hormones, i was exactly the same. your friend probably thought whe was being funny x

SoupDragon · 30/09/2009 15:44

I think you need to get a sense of humour.

Original poster
MiffedAndPeeved · 30/09/2009 15:44

The photos aren't that flattering either.

OP posts:
ILoveStripeySocks · 30/09/2009 15:45

i think she was making a joke about the "hell" bit - is there a reason you are taking this so persoanlly?

MaryMungo · 30/09/2009 15:45

YABabitU. Sounds like you just have different taste in humour. Be sure to let her know you don't want anyone else knowing about the pregnancy, tho, to avoid further misunderstanding.

Tombliboobs · 30/09/2009 15:45

TBH, it sounds as though she was being really thoughtful, using all your photos and personalising it. Many people would find it funny and although you don't (and it is down to taste), I don't think you should hold it against her.

MorrisZapp · 30/09/2009 15:45

It's a joke.

rubyslippers · 30/09/2009 15:45

i think you are utterly over thinking it TBH

it sounds light hearted and you are looking for offence where none is meant

babies being awake at night and crying is not exactly unusual ...

MummyDoIt · 30/09/2009 15:45

I actually think it's good of your friend to take the time and trouble to do a personalised birthday card. I'm sure it was done with the best of intentions and she thought you would be amused by it.

flowerybeanbag · 30/09/2009 15:46

She is trying to be funny and by the sounds of it has gone to a lot of trouble, which is quite sweet really, rather than just buying a card from somewhere. I can't see that it lets everyone know you are pregnant again either, I wouldn't get that from it. I definitely can't see that it's wishing a difficult birth on you!

Why would you fob her off about coming to the party? She has sent a card that she went to a lot of trouble over that doesn't happen to be to your taste, that's all.

I don't think it implies you've had a terrible time with your DS at all. It's a spoof of the over-dramatic headlines you get on these magazines, that over-exaggerate the newsworthiness of the content, making a 'headline' out of actually nothing at all.

Geocentric · 30/09/2009 15:46

I agree that she was probably just trying to be funny. Though it seems to have backfired, it does sound like she went to a lot of trouble over making it.

PuppyMonkey · 30/09/2009 15:46

It sounds quite funny. But blimey she has a lot of time on her hands to do that kind of thing. Maybe she is lonely where she has moved and misses you, so wanted to do something a bit different to show she still thinks of you both as bezzie mates - shame it has backfired!!!

HecatesTwopenceworth · 30/09/2009 15:47

I don't see how it's saying anything about your pregnancy tbh.

Agree that she's probably just being funny. Actually, what you've described seems rather amusing to me.

I think you are overthinking a lot.

ILoveStripeySocks · 30/09/2009 15:48

Did you have PND or anything after your baby? I am just wondering why you are feeling this on a much more personal level than was probably intending. Do you share a good relationship - is there something more to it?

Original poster
MiffedAndPeeved · 30/09/2009 15:48

He has woken up a few times, sure, but we do take care to dress him nicely - NOT that you would know that from the photos, and I feel like she is implying he has been a horrid baby when the opposite has been the case. I mean, I know not everyone is as lucky, but he is actually normally a very good-looking beautiful baby who behaves much better than other people's, and this card gives totally the wrong impression!

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 30/09/2009 15:49

miffed - it's a joke!

you are taking it to heart terribly

BalloonSlayer · 30/09/2009 15:49

Sounds like she made a massive effort!

She was only trying to be funny with the headlines.

Why not use the "no one else knows about PG No 2" as the excuse to hide the card.

Blimey, I wish someone had made that sort of effort with our DCs birthday cards.

PuppyMonkey · 30/09/2009 15:49

Once more unto the breech.... is the bit about the new pregnancy. I think.

Geocentric · 30/09/2009 15:50

But OP, surely people visiting for his birthday will know his true nature?

thisisyesterday · 30/09/2009 15:50

erm, i thin you're reading waaayyy too much into this!
she probably saw it and thought it was a funny card so got it,.

i have no idea why you thin people wil know you are pregnany cos of it??

and why on earth will your mother be cross about the banana???