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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be cross about this birthday card for my 1 year old?

196 replies

MiffedAndPeeved · 30/09/2009 15:36

Long story short, and receive a card for our first baby's birthday from a friend I haven't seen since he was born (we live at opposite ends of the country now) and she visited us. We've kept in touch on facebook, swapped photos etc, but she hardly knows the little man and how good a baby he has been for us.

The card is one of those customised mock-ups of a magazine cover, similar to OK etc. My "friend" has used photos I've sent her over the last twelve months to make it look like he is some sort of mini- George Best type, and it has really irked me for some reason.

Example- one photo shoes him covered in food, and the headline reads "That Banana Incident- XXX's full confession" . Then there is the one of me and dh looking knackered holding him, captioned "The Parents' Story- Our Nightly Hell" . Worse, they're is one of me holding him after birth with the headline "Bloodied But Unbowed- Once More Unto The Breech?"

My friend knows it is early days into my pregnancy with dc2, but I haven't told everyone yet. What's more, it feels like it's sort of wishing a difficult birth onto me IYSWIM?

If she comes her for the birthday party, which she has intimated she might, she'll expect to see it on the mantelpiece, but A) I don't want everyone to know I'm pregnant again, and B)It makes us look like we had a terrible time with ds, and he's a little darling, an angel compared to most. Do you think she's transferring her own experience of babies onto us? It feels like it!

So, am I being unreasonable to think she is being crass and insensitive? Should I try and fob her off about the party? I don't know how the card is going to go down with my mother especially, particularly the Banana bit.

OP posts:
hullygully · 30/09/2009 16:00

I would be so angry about this. What a complete and utter cow. I think you should send her a card to Dear ex-friend Complete Fuckface. Honestly, I have never ever heard anything like it.

PortBlacksandResident · 30/09/2009 16:00

But then i am a touchy and proud old sod anyway .

Original poster
MiffedAndPeeved · 30/09/2009 16:00

Thank you for your concern actually, you are very kind- but I think I'm feeling ok. A bit anxious maybe. And pissed off that she is jealous of my baby!

OP posts:
IsThisNameTaken · 30/09/2009 16:00

Complete over reaction imo. If someone had gone to the trouble of uploading photos and making a personalised card for me I'd be pleased, even if it wasn't quite my sense of humour.

becstarlitsea · 30/09/2009 16:01

Definitely reading too much into it, you sound a bit paranoid tbh.

And I don't understand why you're worried about whether people are fully aware how wonderful your DS is. The usual practice is to laugh off any praise of your own child while secretly lapping it up, not be offended by someone using (gasp!) 'unflattering' pictures of them and suggesting that they might occasionally be (horror!) hard work.

hullygully · 30/09/2009 16:01

Definitely a touch of the old green-eyed!!! I'd see her off, sharpish.

MrsMerryHenry · 30/09/2009 16:02

Your friend went to a lot of trouble to make a personalised card. I wouldn't do that for someone I didn't think highly of. Okay, so perhaps she thought you'd get the humour and you didn't - she misjudged. Is that worth being cross about?

There are far bigger things in life to get upset about, let it go.

GooseyLoosey · 30/09/2009 16:02

Parenting for most people is hard and I think her card just reflects a sense of "solidarity" that most parents have when recognising the hardship. It is not about how lovely or otherwise your child is, it is about the totally all consuming nature of it.

On the "Banana Incident", don't all small babies end up covered in food? One of my favourite photos of dd shows her smeared in yoghurt with (for reasons I can't remember) and cycling helmet on. If someone had made a card out of that, I would be delighted. She looks happy.

pigletmania · 30/09/2009 16:02

No the banana thing is just a joky card about weaning and food going everywehre as it does, you are reading waaaaaay to much into it.

ILoveStripeySocks · 30/09/2009 16:02

the banana thing would only be rude to those with a rude mind lol

thesecondcoming · 30/09/2009 16:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hullygully · 30/09/2009 16:02

Bananas are definitely a fruit too far

MeAndMyMonkey · 30/09/2009 16:03

?
I don't get what's wrong with the banana thing... your kid has banana all over himself I presume, and so?
It is very funny. I want one!
I also don't 100% believe this - your baby is a year old and you seem to be really hung up about something else I think.
Actually I think v rude - your friend made a real effort.

thisisyesterday · 30/09/2009 16:03

oh fgs, she isn't jealous of your baby.
she saw a funny card and sent it to you.

you happen not t like it. good god woman stop reading things into it that just aren't there!

CarmenSanDiego · 30/09/2009 16:04

YABU and a bit weird.

Sounds like a nice friend to bother doing this. You're overthinking each headline and coming up with some odd conclusions that really aren't intended. At the very worst, they're slightly lazy cliches about parenthood being a bit exhausting. But they're not personal digs, just a joke.

hullygully · 30/09/2009 16:04

I don't think any of you understand just how hurt and upset the OP is. Try and have a bit more insight. A banana! From her friend. So-ccalled.

reikizen · 30/09/2009 16:04

You are way overreacting. Neither of mine fit the stereotype of up all night etc but I can't imagine taking offence at what sounds like a a misjudged but really thoughtful card. Would you have been happier if she had picked up some piece of crap from the 24hr garage?

bamboobutton · 30/09/2009 16:04

just marking my place so i can enjoy this troll later.

meemarsgotabrandnewbump · 30/09/2009 16:04

I'm also starting to think this is not real.

'jealous of my baby' swung it for me.

Original poster
MiffedAndPeeved · 30/09/2009 16:05

It wasn't quite an immaculate conception- but I believe my ds to be an angel, so who knows?

OK, ok, I might be a bit hormonal

Do you really think you wouldn't twig about the pregnancy from the card though? That bit worries me.

OP posts:
ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 30/09/2009 16:05

YABU for writing they're is

Seriously, you are being way too sensitive. She isn't implying that your baby is a nightmare but making funny, parents-in-this-together-aren't-they-a-nightmare type jokes, she obviously misjudged it a bit but come on! Just hide the card and if she says anything tell her on the QT that you thought it gave the game away about the pg.

MrsMerryHenry · 30/09/2009 16:05

PMSL at hully

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 30/09/2009 16:05

This is a joke right?

Jamieandhismagictorch · 30/09/2009 16:06

I agree with the others. She was trying to be thoughtful.

I imagine, like lots of us did, that you feel a bit over-sensitive about "criticisms" of your first child or your parenting. Don't blame it on your friend.

herjazz · 30/09/2009 16:06

yabu
appreciate the effort and sentiment behind a personalised 1st birthday card. She could have just got you dreadful foil 1 today thing from card factory with not nearly as much thought or effort

hey ho, you don't like this card and don't find it funny. Fair enough. But remember she's yr FRIEND, unlikely that she's having a malicious dig at you