to be crying because I think DP is going to buy me a new laptop for my birthday

[Clovissa]

Our little boy was born 3 weeks ago and he is amazing. We had IVF so it's all been quite a long journey. DP was not wildly keen to go ahead, I had to pretty much railroad him into it, which caused some resentment during the pregnancy, although of course he did sign up to it fully.
So, now he's been born and we're both so in love with him - last week we registered him (with DP's surname).

I really want us to be married for lots of reasons - mainly for the vows but also so we all share the same name. I don't care at all about the wedding itself.

DP has asked me not to keep going on about marriage, he knows how I feel and he wants to be able to propose without feeling like he is responding to my badgering.

It is my birthday in two weeks and not having mentioned the m word for ages, I had really built my hopes up.

He has just asked me if I would like a new laptop for my birthday.

I don't want a laptop, I can buy myself a bloody laptop, I want a ring.

I'm in floods

aww he'll be 5 weeks old. Does your OH feel okay about that then?
(sorry, you're right. A whole other thread)

Paris on your birthday? Game set and match.

Oh and FWIW - laptop and trip to Paris for your birthday??? Hold onto this guy - he sounds like a gem

Paris & a laptop?
You could get married for that!

I think it´s a bit off he wants you to leave baby, TBH.

Princess I do agree with you that that is the important stuff. But is it so wrong to want a day for a tiny celebration too? No shiny suits, just us focusing on what our relationship is. DP has always been committed and hasn't transgressed or anything, but he is sometimes a bit careless about things between us. I don't see why vows should be hollow - I agree the relationships forum is enough to make your hair stand on end but DP is very principled, I don't believe he'd say those things without it meaning something it's just he would rather say them in a darkened room.

I'm afraid it's not a laptop and Paris - I said I didn't want the laptop, foul ingrate that I am. I can buy one through my work with the tax and vat back so not much point.

Re leaving the baby, I can't even leave him in the other room yet, so he'll definitely be coming with us. Or perhaps we'd swap to a local hotel so I know I could rush home if needed. He'd be 8 weeks by my birthday - so tiny.

No, sorry clovisa Your whole being rebelling notwithstanding, you are going to have to do it yourself. Book a small venue, set a date, then ask him! He's already said that he will, so go for it.

You can't make him want to do it in the same way and as much as you want to. So compromise. If the vows and the marriage are what matters it doesn't matter how you get there.

BTW, can I go to Paris instead? And my laptop is a bit ratty.....

Orm, you can come to Paris as our nanny, just take a step back with the child if DP appears to have fallen to one knee...

OK, I'll try and revise my thoughts on proposing to him.

I really don't understand the name changing thing. It's the main thing that's putting me off getting married, so I find it strange that people just take their partners name without giving it much thought, or actually really want to change their name, like Clovissa.

For example, if your name is Sarah Jones and you marry a John Smith. You don't just become Sarah Smith, you become Mrs John Smith. How can any intelligent, self-respecting woman be comfortable with that?

I understand you feel emotional about the whole propsal thing - but what is wrong with having a discussion as adults and partners in life and arranging together a date for your wedding ?

My DP and I have been together for 19 years and I want to get married now we have 2DS. But if I wait for him to ask me I will be waiting another 19 years!! So I have taken the bull by the horns told him that I would like to go away one weekend and get married. I am really not bothered about a wedding in front of people - the two of us are the thing that is most important.

I think just making into something that is about you as a couple could be a good tact to take.

To go off at a bit of a tangent :

Me and DP went away overnight (OK it was a hotel about 2 miles away) when DS1 was exactly 8 weeks old. Best s*x I've ever had.

My mum and dad looked after him and videod the whole thing. We watched it as soon as we got back. My mum had deliberately sung exactly the same songs that I did at bathtime, and played the same music at bedtime

Had to read your post twice, Jamie....thought you'd videod the whole thing . That'll teach me to speed read!!!!

Marriages that result from emotional bludgeonning simply aren't worth having. At best you've stunned your prisoner into temporary submission. At worst, they fuck off before the Big Day and your whole relationship goes titsup.

Another myth worth exploding is the idea that any failings in one's partner magically disappear on marriage. They don't. But quite often the Failing One fails to be bothered to make any effort at all once they've been legally shackled.

Cuppa ROFL. It does read like that .......

But no, that would have been sick. Sick and wrong

(I don't know why I asterisked sex either )

yanbu to want the commitment of marriage

yabu to keep nagging him

yabvu to want a ring for your birthday

get the lappy and trip to paris for pressie

an engagement ring isnt a birthday pressie -its a ring

then wait for the ring on another day

my friend was DESPERATE to get married and every birthday, christmas, anniversary etc she thought she would get a ring and was really upset when he didnt propose each occassion every year

he finally did 5 years into the relationship