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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect parents to keep their children relatively quiet in a pizza restaurant...?

433 replies

confuseddoiordonti · 27/09/2009 21:41

I have just got back from a pizza (Planet Pizza in Bristol in case anyone's wondering) and me and DH were driven bonkers by the number of overexcited shrieking childen in there (we got there just before 7pm.)

I am not against children in restaurants, and I realise this is a pizza place rather than the Ivy, but I do object to them charging about and shouting where there are people there with no dc's (like myself.) I realise that some noise is to be expected and I don't have a problem with that, but I do have a problem with the same children running about, shouting and crawling around under tables. Am I being unreasonable by getting a) pissed off and b) wishing they were someplace else so I could eat my pizza in peace...?

Lastly, while I was tempted to go over and ask some of the parents to get their children to keep it down a bit, I did chicken out and hoped they'd realise the kids were too noisey themselves (they didn't.)

OP posts:
ShinyAndNew · 28/09/2009 18:40

The Wacky Warehouse in our town must be different to others. In ours you cannot eat in the play area

ShinyAndNew · 28/09/2009 18:41

Though I do my best to try and avoid it due to the shitty food

It's special occassions only i.e. birthday treats after the fireworks display last year is the last time we were there.

alypaly · 28/09/2009 18:42

i agree...Hulababy makes total sense. You are so right,it does encourage poor eating habits.

Hulababy · 28/09/2009 19:33

Shinyand New - ones nearest us have the soft play in another room, but just seperated by swing doors. Children free to come and go - but means walking between all the tables to get there. Can't eat nt he soft play areas.

IWantAChickAndADuck · 28/09/2009 19:49

thanks for that alypaly

meandjoe · 28/09/2009 20:01

Totally think that some children will not sit down to eat whether you read them the riot act or not! It of course depends on the age of the child but my 2 yr old would no way be able to sit still and wait for people to bring food etc which in some places can be quite a long time! Even I get bored of waiting and start to get fidgety.

Agree with those who have said if you want it to be quiet then got after 8pm. Kids are kids and they can not be somehow threatened or expected to behave like adults.

Wacky Warehouse did not create bad eating habbits. Children are individuals. Some will sit still and eat a meal... some ill not. I have bever been to wacky warehouse yet my ds is up and down like a yoyo at dinner times. If I stop him then he doesn't want to eat and to be honest trying to forve him to be something he isn't ready to be is not my style. He will learn to sit still and he will learn what is acceptable when he is about 10! Any younger than that then leave the poor buggers alone

I wouldn't let my ds scream and squeal etc I would distract him possibly by letting him shock horro play. So far as walking about and stuff I think it's to be expected. Having said that I don't go to restaraunts for fear of meeting people like all of you have said how bloody terrible it is.

meandjoe · 28/09/2009 20:02

excuse typos... I am eating with food on my lap not at the table

TheHeadbangingWombat · 28/09/2009 20:04

When they're 10? You think that they shouldn't be taught to sit still before they're 10?
How will children manage in school where running around in the classroom certainly isn't allowed if they have to wait until they are 10?

Hulababy · 28/09/2009 20:09

How do these children cope eating at schoolt hen? because they certainly don't allow running about, etc.

By 10y a child should definitely know not to run about.

A 2y can be kept in a highcahir with restraints, so can't run about.

IMO there is no excuse. Any child can be shown how to behave appropriately in a restaurant. And they should be taken out if they kick off, for time out.

Younger children - distract, distract, distract. Take a small bag of interesting things to look at and ply with.

And why should I have to go after 8pm to get some peace during my meal? What happens if I want to go out for a meal after work, or with DD after school? She doesn't want to be surrounded by other children tearing around either. Why should she?

fiercebadrabbit · 28/09/2009 20:11

This "frog march children out if they don't stick to the deal" policy that some of you are advocating sounds fabulous but how do you actually enforce it?

You can't just walk out of a restaurant. You have to ask for the bill and pay. If your food has just arrived, you will all be hungry and want at least a couple of bites before scarpering. I know this from bitter experience .

IME don't take children to restaurants until they're at least 7.

BTW, though, the OP is being totally U

sleepwhenidie · 28/09/2009 20:32

YANBU but the fact is YAB unrealistic going to a pizza restaurant that is "family friendly" before 7pm and expecting grown up behaviour from all the children there.

Some children are very good at sitting still and behaving, some are less predictable. Usually it depends on the parents but even if you do have the "frog march them out" approach, all children (smaller ones, not 10yo's) have their off days when it comes to eating out. If other children are running riot it probably influences those who are usually more controlled too..atmosphere affects everyone!

NellyNoNorks · 28/09/2009 20:38

meandjoe - I hope others follow your example for fear of encountering me in a restaurant!

High chairs have straps precisely so that children can't climb out and run around.

I don't think teaching a child to sit down at the table is 'forcing them to be something they're not ready to be'. Nobody expects a two-year-old to sit in silence for an hour. But by the same token, I would say that any child who's up and down like a yo-yo needs to be told that their meal finishes when they get up. They will soon get fed up with being hungry. .

meandjoe · 28/09/2009 21:07

It's not about using highchairs to restrain children! Some will scream and cry if they are restrained. I am not arguing. I just know my own child. I don't think choldren need to be taught to sit still for what it's worth. They all learn to do when they are ready or when they are interested ie at school. If not then there'd be a whole bunch of 25 year olds climbing about and squealing in pizza restaraunts.

Oh and no he won't get fed up with being hungry, trust me. He will just so the same thing at the next meal time and the oneafter thant and the one after that/// he is 2......I really think you are being unrealistic but we all have our own standards. Some things people do like allowing their children to hit and push other kids and not watching them at toddler groups is actually worth making an issue of... a few kids being a bit rowdy to me just seems like a battle not worth picking.

meandjoe · 28/09/2009 21:18

I am of the same thinking as fiercebadrabbit, you can not force a child to behave a certain way and from marching them out is not an option when wither you have just paid £25 for a meal you have not even tasted or you have not yet paid etc. Totally agree with not taking them before they are 7 too lol.

NellyNoNorks · 28/09/2009 21:19

Oh lawks.

fiercebadrabbit · 28/09/2009 21:34

BTW, yes, you can do the frogmarch policy if there are two adults (though it still means a lot of wasted food and a miserable evening for all) but if you're on your own then it's impossible.

Finding this thread one of the funniest in ages, btw

CristinaTheAstonishing · 28/09/2009 21:39

Why does the money factor in so much? What's the difference between a £25 meal and a £60 one? If it was a "posh" restaurant most people, even on this thread, would agree that's not the place for children to run wild in. Why is money the deciding factor to whether a child's behaviour is acceptable or not?

GetOrfMoiLand · 28/09/2009 21:39

I think it is perfectly possible to keep a 2 year old in a high chair without screaming and/or getting up and running about. Acually, am of the MilaMae school of parenting. Of course you can expect certain standards of behaviour of children prior to the age of 10 - imo they need to learn how to behave a lot earlier than that.

blueshoes · 28/09/2009 21:49

Neither of my 2 children would be restrained in a high chair. They would scream the place down. Would never be strapped in at home, can forget it in a restaurant.

Perhaps that is why they learned to sit at the table in a chair so early.

I don't get this if they don't learn now, how will they behave at the school canteen or when they are 10? Children behave differently in different settings. And generally better when in company other than their parents. Assuming you do tell your children how to behave (as I am sure everyone here does), they will know how to when the time comes.

It is just younger children whose flesh is weaker.

clemette · 28/09/2009 21:57

Have been pondering this today. My DD (4) will sit at the table and talk in her quiet voice and try to be patient etc etc. Her 20month old brother will not. He hates being in a highchair and so we juggle him between our laps and he plays under our table while we finish our meal (he doesn't really eat). Whilst this may seem like bad parenting to some, it is the only way we can treat our DD who ADORES eating out. Shall we tell her she can't because some people think that it is the epitome of good behaviour for a toddler to submit to the confines of a highchair?

At home, when we eat together at the weekend DS does get down from the table partway through the meal - largely because we don't have "restraints". I then encourage him to play quietly around us while we eat - otherwise we would have to finish our meal in minutes. Thus I am teaching him how to behave without forcing him to endure the highchair (something he finds incredibly restrictive and unpleasant). Submission is not good behaviour and it does not teach children to "learn" to behave it teaches them to submit to authority.

Saying all of this, if my 4 year old played up we would leave.

ShinyAndNew · 28/09/2009 22:02

My dd2 learned how to unstrap her highchair at about twelve months old and started using the tray as a stage We stopped using one.

She will not sit at a table waiting for a meal for any longer than 30 seconds.

lol @ 25 y o's jumping and squealing in Pizza places

Quattrocento · 28/09/2009 22:05

"Pizza restaurants are ideal - kids get to eat pizza and run about, adults get to drink wine and sit down. Everybody's happy. If you don't like that, go elsewhere, and be happy."

I will Hully but you need to tell me where you will be eating ...

slowreadingprogress · 28/09/2009 22:15

clemette I agree with you that really little kids can't be restrained - not without screams, anyway! What you describe sounds absolutely fine to me - I would have done the same with DS at that age, let him out of the highchair but keep him with us. It is really not necessary to allow them to roam all over the restaurant - not every diner wants your adorable offspring running round them noisily.

Just like it's not necessary to leave a baby screaming it's head off in a cafe or restaurant. I've seen people calmly and determinedly eating their food, drinking their coffee, without any effort to placate the baby. If DS screamed I wouldn't have dreamed of inflicting that on other people trying to have a nice experience in a cafe. I think we can all understand a bit of hollering while their feed is got ready etc - that's not what I'm talking about.

CuntWhacker · 28/09/2009 22:27

YANBU. Children should be taught how to beahve in restaurants or not be brought to eat in them

Quattrocento · 28/09/2009 22:33

I think we need some clear labelling of restaurants here, to help us all to make informed choices. Like this:

Child-unfriendly - where you go to enjoy a civilised meal. No children under 14.

Child-friendly - children are permitted, facilities will be provided for them, but parents are required to ensure that their offspring do not run around or shriek

Bearpit - children are actively encouraged - there will be play areas. Warning: children will be running around and shrieking AT ALL TIMES. Earplugs will be provided upon request

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