to thinks if a school has issue with my parenting skills, that they contact me first?

[mixformax]

I recently made the (long-mulled-over) decision to leave DD (13) and DS (12) alone at home overnight with close supervision by friend and neighbours. Both children are sensible, trustworthy and used to being left for a few hours at a time.

One of DS's teachers learned of this and, without making ANY attempt to contact me, or any of the other emergency contact numbers (4 in total) called in social services which resulted in a plain clothes DC turning up on doorstep and questioning DD.

Also DS and DD attend different schools - DS's school had the cheek to email the other school and alert them of the "problem". Thankfully this school seems to be a bit more in touch with the pupils and actually listened to DD when she told them that she was perfectly happy with the arrangements.

But WHY couldn't DS's school even attempt to listen to him properly before jumping to (very wrong) conclusions of neglect?

HMM only got as far as the U which could be 'Until'?

If there is concern for a child's safety the school has no obligation to inform the parent of their concerns and can refer directly to Children's Services.

So YABU - the school have acted properly.

Not heard a thing from SS. The only reason I know that they were contacted is that the WDC told me on the phone.

First of all I want to know what UTGSN stands for.

Secondly, I don't think that leaving sensible 12 and 13 yrs old for a one off night equals to putting them at risk.

I don;t know. I wouldn't leave mine alone overnight at that age. But I still think it's unfair that they didn't speak to you first.

Oh FFS. It doesn't matter why the OP was away from the house that night, she made a careful and considered decision that her DC (whom she knows better than we do) would be OK. Some 13 year olds are more capable than others, sure, but don't forget that kids of 10/11 are going camping with scouts or brownies or whatever and coming to no harm.
And I would imagine that the reason nothing further has been heard from SS is that someone with an actual braincell looked at the circumstances and worked out that the DC were in no danger, not regularly neglected or abused and that there was in fact no need to waste any more time on the issue.
I do get very tired with the shrieking, nappy-filling, WAAAAHHH what if it RAINS HAMMERS? mindset some people have, expecting the absolute worst to happen every minute and rendering their DC incapable of doing anything without Mummy, a lawyer, a social worker and a coule of therapists handy.

I want to know how the school got to know about it in the first place. It's quite an important question.
But YABU to be annoyed at the school. Safeguarding policies meant that they had to contact SS as they deemed a child welfare issue was involved.
IMO, as the parent of a very sensible and mature 12 year old who I am happy to leave alone for several hours in the daytime - no I would not leave alone overnight until 14/15 even with the supervision of a neighbour. I think YABU.

Unless They've Got Special Needs?

excellent

Just looked up the Child Protection Policy at the junior school I work at & it says:

"X Junior School believes in open and honest communication and will always share with parents/carers any information or concerns that they have about their children at the earliest opportunity. The only exception to this would be where it was felt that such communication might compromise the child's safety."

"If X Junior School receives information which suggests a child may have been abused or neglected or abuse or neglect may be likely, then it will consult with the Social Services Department.
In these circumstances the Social Services Department may decide to begin a child protection investigation in which case its procedures will apply."

"If X Junior School receives information about a child which suggests that he/she has been actually abused or neglected or that this is likely, it has a duty to refer these concerns to the Social Services Department or Police. The school has no discretion in this matter. In these circumstances the Social Services Department's child abuse investigation procedures apply."

In either case parents will be informed of what has happened at the earliest opportunity consistent with the child's best interests.

these children are both at secondary school...so on the fence for this one.

my dd's are 13 and 15 and they would kill each other if i left them overnight or for just 3 hours.....

do leave them separately,but not overnight as yet

If I left my 12yr old he simply wouldn't go to bed. At all.

Thank you Rusty Bear - interesting reading. Still had no contact from the school in question though. And the CPP requested has not materialised in my inbox. I appreciate that teachers are teaching, but are the admin staff not admin'ing?!

Shockingly irresponsible.WHy did you leave thm?It must have been an emergency surely

LOL Solidgoldbrass at Raining hammers - very witty!

I can only understand leaving them in an emergency or some highly unusual circumstance. This sounds long in the planning though.

At 12 or 13 it's not appropriate to say to them 'would you like to sleep over with the neighbour' - you would surely say 'I'm going away for the night, I have arranged for you to stay with X'. End of discussion.

I am very curious to know what you were doing, but that's just because I'm nosy. But you do realise that everyone here is imagining that you're a dreadful mother who has gone to spend the night with a new man?

Does it make a difference to your judgment of me (which I had never requested - only an opinion on the school's actions) whether I was away for a night volunteering on a Samaritan's phone line, or if I had nipped over to Amsterdam for a drug-fuelled shagfest?

Neither scenario apply....

Shagfest sounds more fun. But what I want to know is how the school found out. Do you know?

I think the police were wrong to send a plain clothes officer to question a child, surely a uniformed officer would have been better?

I dont think that saying to two secondary school kids they can either stay alone or have the option of staying at a neighbours is that bad

But hell i was living alone at 16 (literally days after birthday), paying rent etc. and this was less than ten years ago so hardly days of old.......

What makes a difference for me is whether it was planned or an emergency. If you had no choice and it was an emergency then fine, but if you knew you were going to be away and had time to make alternative arrangements for you kids then I think you were wrong to leave them.

So either of those two scenarios would be equally bad IMO

I think this one run and run..... along with ear peircing babies, smacking and fruit shoots...

Child protection officers are all, as far as I know, plain clothes, specifically because a police officer in uniform can be scary/ intimidating.

Oh, UTGSN

bitofFun

until the girl says no?

unless the garbage stops now?

under the garage stays neat?

please tell.