I don't know what to do...I am at my wit's end!! My 1st child dd is not even 7 weeks old yet and I have spent most of her little life arguing with dh over in laws. I've tried as much as I can to ignore the situation, and of course I've enjoyed her but it's coming to a point where neither of us can stand it anymore!
I have never had a good relationship with MIL. Not from want of trying on my part, and tbh i think she took an instant dislike to me (she also continually mentioned his ex not very tactful!)- we're far too different people but grated along because we both loved her ds/my dh. Anyway, after a while this culminated in her being drunk in her local and shouting in a pub at my much younger brother how she was going to hit him because 'yuk' he was related to me, her ds could do so much better etc etc.
This caused huge ructions, but eventually, I accepted that I had to partly forgive her and try and get on with things. I was still not fully accepted and relations were strained but we muddled along.
6 months later, I found out I was pregnant. My DH was happy but immediately demanded that his mother would be allowed to see the baby as much as mine, divided child care etc etc. Funnily enough my MIL was not my first thought!
We told his mother sooner than I'd have liked (after I found out that one of his mother's friends had found out via my pharmacist(!!!!!) and had told her children (one of whom was dh's ex) and they were taking it upon themselves to announce it to people ). She was overexcited.
Apparently all she'd ever wanted to be was a grandma. She was in my face 'dn't cut me out, don't cut me out' gave me presents etc. It was so wrong. I could understand that she was happy, but to force a relationship with me only to get to her GC I feel was wrong. I would have respected her more if she stuck to her guns, I would never have stopped her seeing her GC. Anyway, the undercurrent of dislike was still there. I had previously suffered from bulimia, and at a family dinner to celebrate our news, she read out a text from a friend to everyone saying 'oh congrats on becoming a gran. At least she'll have a reason to be sick now'... I couldn't believe my ears!
My pregnancy continued. She continued to make it about herself. She wanted to put pics of my Scan on her facebook. She wanted to be in at the birth, (my FIL offered to film it!). She bought us a fetal heart monitor but insisted that she listen to the baby first (before even us!) so the gift was evidently for herself not us. She wanted to buy a baby box, which was sweet, and she asked me to choose. So I did. She bought a different one, that she liked! Her house was filled with her own pram, her own crib etc...
Fast forward to the wonderful day my DD was born. They came to hospital. My MIL just got my FIL to take pics of her posing with DD. None of DD with her DS, none of DD on her own, none of DD with FIL (believe me I was not in any state to want to be photographed anyway!!) She then announced the birth of my daughter on Facebook before we got to tell our friends, and put up all of her pics of herself with DD on the same site.
The photoshoots have continued everytime she sees her.ONly herself with DD and all get put on Facebook. Now call me old-fashioned but I thought Grandparent took photos and put them up in their house, not all over a social networking site where you don't really have control over who is looking at these pics...(she was asked by DH not to after even more pics were taken, but she ignored him)
She wouldn't come around at weekends, because she caravans every fri sat sun mon, so I was asked to endure afternoons with her on my own immediately after DD was born. It was torture. And it was just one battle after another...why wasn't she allowed to have her on her own, why couldn't she take DD out for a walk etc. She is just waiting to have me out of the way!
Finally, we took our DD over to my ILs, when she was 3 weeks old. It was just a quick drop in for cuddles then home to feed her. (not comfortable about BFing at ILs.) MIL asked if she could walk out with DD (not in pram but in her arms) and take her over to the other side of her village to 'show off' to her friends. I said I'd rather she didn't (maybe overprotective but that's my right surely). She sulked, she may as well have stamped her foot. Ten minutes later, my head was turned in conversation with BIL and she ran out of the house with DD anyway!! She hasn't been around since then to see her. I put my foot down and said it was weekends only, when my DH is home, and I don't feel so vulnerable. It has been her choice to sulk at this, and doesn't want to come around when I'm here. (In fact she text my DH and said she wasn't coming round ever again, she knows I don't like her, which to me is just a ruse to get my DH to ship my DD over to her without me - She's too little!!! But my DH agrees with his MIL that I should be out of the way so his Mother can see GD. Who else lets their LOs out of there site at this age? Am I wrong?)
I truly feel that my DD is a trophy to her. There is no kissing of baby or real genuine affection. And she isn't happy just holding her and interacting with her. It has to be about parading her.
It has got to the point where the thought of her holding DD makes me cringe. I truly don't think she's nice woman. She doesn't understand that she can't emulate my closeness with my mother just to have equal access to DD. It's just the way it is! (Before DD was born she said she didn't like girls, and anyway she just KNEW it was a boy and she has already mentioned since we had her that shes sure we'll have a boy...enjoy the GD you have!)
What do I do. This is tearing our relationship apart. On top of everything else I can't trust my DH to support me. I think her walking out of the house with my 3 week old daughter would be enough for anyone, despite everything else? At least it's going to take me a while to trust her with my baby, and I'm not sure that's surprising. My closeness to my mother isn't helping the situation as DH sees this and resents that his mother can't have the same. I wouldn't let someone I think is essentially nasty, manipulative etc etc have sole charge of the thing that is most precious to me in all the world....even if she is my MIL.
So....after this long post, am I being unreasonable?!