To "tell off" a 6 year old who bumped into me

[DoThisDoThat]

Oops, know I'll be flamed so sorry in advance to anyone offended.

I was bumped into at a restaurant by a six year old girl, I said, "oh sorry" and smiled and she just looked blankly at me. So I said, "now you're supposed to say sorry too". Again, just a blank look.

So I continued outside and she was outside so I said "when you bump into someone, you're supposed to say sorry, it's good manners". Again, just a blank look. I wasn't mean, I wasn't snappy, just neutral and I had my own 3 children with me, including the 1 year old who I was carrying when I was bumped into. So, just walked out to car park when the mother comes up to me, with the girl in tow and asked me if I'd told her daughter she had bad manners. I said, "no, I told her that apologising would be good manners". Anyway, I got a telling off for upsetting her daugther, who was "nearly crying". Now, I am a bit cross because, if that was me with my 6 year old, I'd ask him to apologise to the adult. As it was, I apologised to the little girl for upsetting her. Which I really am sorry about. But aibu to think the mum was being a bit precious?

Well said, Fran. That's exactly what I'd have done. "Are you alright? Sorry about that!" and quite inadvertently (sorry if I've spelt that wrong!), you've demonstrated what to do if you bump into somebody, without all the commotion!!

Blimey. I would have not been happy if this had been my little girl. If people have an issue with my children - have the manners and balls to approach me and mention it. It is my job to decide what my children will be punished for.

OP, I'm afraid you would quite likely have been on the end of a discreet word from me in this situation. It's all very well people saying they would expect kids to apologise etc but to follow and heckle a 6 yr old girl??

Poor child. She was only 6 .

I hate judgy people.

Franklymydear, purely be chance came across a poem - check out poemhunter.com and search for poems on "guidance" and check out the poem by Theresa (Morrison?) I think, sorry, have forgotten the surname - and read verse 5 - how true!! Sorry, but I feel you could have more compassion, quite honestly.

YABU, if it was my DD1, she would have a melt down if you spoke to her, and then followed her to tell her again, she doesnt talkt o people she doesnt know well, even with me there.

Discoball, adults should be good role models to children as you rightly point out not frightening harradans. I thought we, as a society, had moved away from Victorian attitudes towards children. I wonder if the OP would have condoned another parent treating one of her dc's like this? We tend to be protective towards our own dc's but extremely unforgiving towards others dc's .

my 4 year old would apologise as would my 8 year old and 10 year old and 12 year old

compassion for a 6 year old - god get over yourselves

they bumped adult said sorry, asked child to say sorry gently (in my reading of OP) and child stared at her blankly

6 is not a baby - 6 is old enough and if you don't think it is then shame on you

OP should not have followed child out and asked again though - I agree with that bit though

but the rest of the thread is pure excuses, lack of manners and lack of boundaries - it is parenting gone mad

lol at parenting gone mad! She didn't apologise - hardly ASBO material.

considering every one tells their children not to talk to strangers, why is it people then expect children to speak to strangers??

Frankly, why do you say "god get over yourselves" when compassion is mentioned? Strange. Anyway, will not be posting on here again - have made my point and am sticking with it - you say your children would apologise - good for them - but you are missing the point totally as to why this SIX year old may not have. FranSanDisco, thanks for your comments, I can see that we are thinking along the same lines on this one!! Did you ever google that poem, Frankly? By the way, I am all for good manners in children, my own DS has always had good manners instilled/encouraged and he is very sensitive to others' feelings. Please try and see it from the little girl's point of view as well as your own. If I had a pound for every time someone in my class didn't say sorry if they stepped on my toes/bumped into me, I'd be rich!! But I make light of it (they didn't do it purposefully) and say, "could you just say sorry; I know you didn't mean it." Goodnight everyone!

get over yourselves was a comment on the overly emphatic child-centred mores oft expressed on this site.

But as you bring it up re Compassion - do you know what it means - it means an awareness and sympathy for another's suffering - a child suffers for being asked to say sorry? really?

the kid didn't say sorry and was asked to - much like you do with your kids when they step on you - I agreed she shouldn't be followed out and asked again which I have repeated again and again

and no of course I didn't google your poem, why would I? If it's so relevant to your point copy and paste it. I sincerely hope it isn't the trite I expect

Sorry,know I said I wouldn't post again (and this REALLY is the last time), but Frankly, of course I know what compassion means - do you have to be so personal and patronising - I have made my point without patronising you. I couldn't care less if you look at the poem or not and I'm certainly not going to cut and paste it!! Anyway, from your last sentence I see it would be a waste of time.... enough said.