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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To "tell off" a 6 year old who bumped into me

138 replies

DoThisDoThat · 18/09/2009 12:43

Oops, know I'll be flamed so sorry in advance to anyone offended.

I was bumped into at a restaurant by a six year old girl, I said, "oh sorry" and smiled and she just looked blankly at me. So I said, "now you're supposed to say sorry too". Again, just a blank look.

So I continued outside and she was outside so I said "when you bump into someone, you're supposed to say sorry, it's good manners". Again, just a blank look. I wasn't mean, I wasn't snappy, just neutral and I had my own 3 children with me, including the 1 year old who I was carrying when I was bumped into. So, just walked out to car park when the mother comes up to me, with the girl in tow and asked me if I'd told her daughter she had bad manners. I said, "no, I told her that apologising would be good manners". Anyway, I got a telling off for upsetting her daugther, who was "nearly crying". Now, I am a bit cross because, if that was me with my 6 year old, I'd ask him to apologise to the adult. As it was, I apologised to the little girl for upsetting her. Which I really am sorry about. But aibu to think the mum was being a bit precious?

OP posts:
shonaspurtle · 18/09/2009 12:58

Saying it once was enough imo, but the mother was being precious coming to find you with child in tow and she should have got the child to apologise when you explained.

holdingittogether · 18/09/2009 12:58

if anyone bumps into me, adult or child, I say a quick "whoops, sorry" and move on. I don't stand there waiting for a reply. Life is far too short to give it a second thought!

diddl · 18/09/2009 13:01

I agree with everyone else.
And if you were bumped into, why did you say sorry??!!

nappyaddict · 18/09/2009 13:05

Also do you know she was definitely six? Some 4 year olds are the same size as 6 year olds.

MillyR · 18/09/2009 13:06

You entered into an altercation (in front of children) with another adult in a car park and you want to know if the 6 year old was in the wrong?!

You and the other parent are both a bit crazy.

DailyMailNameChanger · 18/09/2009 13:06

My ds (who does not have any SN for all that matters) would have been terrified at being addressed like that and would have given you a blank stare (if you were lucky - otherwise he would have just burst into tears) at this age. He was very shy and feared confrontation from/amongst strangers. He is, however, very very polite and kind, he would have known what he was supposed to do but, for some reason, would not have been able to come up with the words at that moment.

Your approach would have caused him no end of upset and I would have come after you and demanded you appologised to him at the very least. What gives you the right to "assess" a child as impolite at first glance and then also decide that you should "deal" with it? TBH I think you got off lucky.

argento · 18/09/2009 13:08

First time - a bit unneccessary but ok. Continuing outside wasn't nice at all. It wouldn't occur to me to tell off someone else's child for bumping into me.

nickschick · 18/09/2009 13:09

I think you went OTT, once is ok to remind a child about manners but to carry it on is a bit extreme....incidenteally S.N kids no longer have tattos on their forehead.

Wait til your dc get 'pulled up' by an adult and then you will know how the other mum felt.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 18/09/2009 13:10

YABU.

I'm not surprised the child got upset.

pocketmonster · 18/09/2009 13:16

YABU - I agree with the other posters. The child may have been a tall 4 year old. But even at 6 years kids are often intimidated by strangers. My DD (5) would have been traumatised by this!

TaylorSwift · 18/09/2009 13:20

Continuing once you left the restaurant was scary harridan-esque behaviour...

pooexplosions · 18/09/2009 13:23

YABU. I would have told you off too if you talked to me kid like that too, the first comment you might get away with, but followng her outside to continue would scare a lot of kids around that age, and was way out of order.

MYOB.

scrappydappydoo · 18/09/2009 13:38

Argree with first comment but I would left it after that and not said anything further. However I think the mum was out of order for confronting you.
I had a similar situation last weekend a 9yr old boy was running around in a restaurant and ran smack into my 1yr old dd - cue loud 10 min screaming fit from my dd so i said can you please stop running you might hurt someone - he runs off without an apology. Next thing I know his dad has come over and having a right go at me about upsetting HIS child.

curiositykilled · 18/09/2009 13:45

YABU - what did you think would happen after the first time you said it and she didn't respond? It's a bit intimidating to carry on trying to push someone else's child to say sorry like this. Not surprised the girl and mother were upset. It's not even as if she deliberately ran into you.

minxofmancunia · 18/09/2009 13:47

YABU, if you'd persued my dd and continued it outside I'd have had something to say to you! You were being a bit of a bully imo.

Keep it zipped, some parents are far too fond of disciplining other peoples children.

comewhinewithme · 18/09/2009 13:48

My dd also 6 would have probably gone quiet if a strange lady started telling her off for an accident . YABVVU .

meemarsgotabrandnewbump · 18/09/2009 13:50

Sorry OP - I agree with the overwhelming consensus that YABU.

My 6 year old DS has great manners, but in an awkward situation like bumping into an adult he would probably be too shy or embarrassed to offer an apology. If you had followed him out and badgered him further he would have been mortified.

You went too far.

ThePhantomPlopper · 18/09/2009 13:52

YABU.

She was 6 FGS! Get a grip. She walked into you by accident. You should have carried on when she didn't respond.

Sunfleurs · 18/09/2009 13:57

My son has ASD and regularly does this, he knows about saying sorry but does not make the connection and 9/10 times does not even realise he has bumped into anyone. Had you gone on at my son like this there is every chance I would have lost my temper in a big way. YABtotallyU.

Even if he did not have ASD and this happened I would have reacted the same way to some nutty woman pursuing my 6 year old to demand an apology.

Not sure if you are for real to be honest.

comewhinewithme · 18/09/2009 13:59

There is a big difference between a 6 year old and a grown woman.
Did you think about asking if she was ok when you bumped into each other or did you just jump straight into telling her off?

kittywise · 18/09/2009 14:01

you sound like a pita and yabvu

comewhinewithme · 18/09/2009 14:01

Straight to the point KItty .

colditz · 18/09/2009 14:03

You don't know the child and you don't know why she didn't apologise to you.

To mention it once it expressing that you think the child should have said sorry. To bang on about it is looper behavior.

pagwatch · 18/09/2009 14:03

OP YABU

My son is 12 and if he had bumped into you he would have been frightened. He would have stared blankly at you and if you had continued to hector him, as you did withthis girl, he would have been very frightened and upset although probably unable to show it. I would have known he was upset and would have been able to find out from him broadly what was wrong.
He has very profound SN but we rarely make him wear his badge or ring his bell to alert snotty passers by.

DD is just 7 and has very good manners. When something unpredictable happens though she can still be a little tongue tied and the notion that she has been naughty worries her. So although she is a bright average girl she too may well have just stared blankly at you.

To keep on in a bossy and small minded way was wrong of you. I agree with StayFrosty that in typical bully mode you would never have lectured a noisy teenager or small child accompanied by hairy handed trucker father.

The mother was equally unreasonable. Andthe notion of you two silly women making a fuss to extend the probable mortification of this child is extremely

Good manners include the abilty to avoid being pompous and pointing out others mistakes you know. Children learn manners by example. Yours were pretty poor.

juicy12 · 18/09/2009 14:09

You sound like you were a bit of a bully tbh.
You could have just said, "oops, careful, you might hurt yourself or someone else" and left it at that. Weird to want to carry on having a go at a small child. My 5yo DS has nice manners, but he's shy, and would have been mortified by your response. I'd have been straight there having a go back at you, peer-to-peer.

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