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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To "tell off" a 6 year old who bumped into me

138 replies

DoThisDoThat · 18/09/2009 12:43

Oops, know I'll be flamed so sorry in advance to anyone offended.

I was bumped into at a restaurant by a six year old girl, I said, "oh sorry" and smiled and she just looked blankly at me. So I said, "now you're supposed to say sorry too". Again, just a blank look.

So I continued outside and she was outside so I said "when you bump into someone, you're supposed to say sorry, it's good manners". Again, just a blank look. I wasn't mean, I wasn't snappy, just neutral and I had my own 3 children with me, including the 1 year old who I was carrying when I was bumped into. So, just walked out to car park when the mother comes up to me, with the girl in tow and asked me if I'd told her daughter she had bad manners. I said, "no, I told her that apologising would be good manners". Anyway, I got a telling off for upsetting her daugther, who was "nearly crying". Now, I am a bit cross because, if that was me with my 6 year old, I'd ask him to apologise to the adult. As it was, I apologised to the little girl for upsetting her. Which I really am sorry about. But aibu to think the mum was being a bit precious?

OP posts:
hercules1 · 19/09/2009 07:38

I apologise then.

mummygirl · 19/09/2009 07:45

OP, YABVVVVU and also VVVVV RUDE!!!

How dare you bully someone else's child like this? You were rude to this little girl who might have been shy or simply shocked by the bumbing into someone (surely she didn't do it on purpose) and you were being rude to the mother by implying that she hasn't taught her daughter manners.

How would you feel if a random stranger would decide to "set straight" one of your dcs?

bronze · 19/09/2009 09:59

I was quoting all the people who said she may have had sn- do you mean was I quoting word for word? No why would I be? It would have been easy for the mother say say sorry she has this sn and doesn't understand this social interaction and the op would probably have apologised themselves tot he child. An older child who couldn't cope with the social niceties could get themselves into worse trouble if left on their own in situations like this (sad though the world is)
My 6 year old may clam up when spoken to like she was outside but the comment inside was fairly harmless and if an adult said that to any of my children I would expect them to just say sorry (maybe not my 3 year old but I wouldnt let her walk around on her own).
and yes I do have experience of sn. I won't claim to have experience of all as each case is different but do have experience of some.

I don't think not saying sorry is perfectly expected behaviour for a six year old but there we obviously differ. So I will leave the thread as we will obviously not agree. Though in some ways we have agreed as I too said to carry on outside was wrong.

bronze · 19/09/2009 09:59

sorry threads since. Will quickly read catch up and then leave

bronze · 19/09/2009 10:02

Right no I will leave it as stands. I'm too tired to argue/carry on

though having said all that I would never say what the op said as I'm too chicken. Too scared that Dad will find me outside and stab me or something

discoball · 19/09/2009 10:04

Yes, YABU - to carry on with it outside was totally over the top - I actually feel sorry for the girl (she's 6 FGS) and if I was her mother I'd have said something to you, too. As other posters have said, perhaps she's been told not to talk to strangers/is shy, etc.... surely you can see that age is a factor here??????

sandcastles · 19/09/2009 10:14

Trouble is, it sounds like her parents didn't see her attack bump into you, so they shouldn'u had seen it happen, they should have offered an apology, as would I if it were my dd!

It is bad manners to pursue a 6yr old for an apology when you are a grown woman! You should have just left it after the bump. If she was 16 & did it maliciously, understandable, but 6, ffs!

My dd is 6 I would be livid if someone followed her outside demanding an apology!

You are being precious about it, imo!

sandcastles · 19/09/2009 10:38

Actually, I think my dd would have ran up to me in tears from being scared that someone was following her demanding an apology, tbh.

Again, she has been taught not to talk to strangers & I think this would have deffinitley freaked her out.

pigletmania · 19/09/2009 10:40

Poor little girl sounded scared and shy and quite rightly so, a grown woman repremandinggently correcting her. I think the op is feeling very now after reading the responses and reflecting on the siutation.

pigletmania · 19/09/2009 10:42

If the little girl had been rude or physically pushed me or my dd on purpose and its not an accident i would say something to the girl along the lines that thats not very nice to do that, but its only a bump and an accident so should have just been left instead of pursused.

oneopinionatedmother · 19/09/2009 13:55

Read the OP - the OP did not pursue the child. the child & mum came up to her in the car park...

that was OTT

RnB · 19/09/2009 14:01

YABVU

FranSanDisco · 19/09/2009 14:03

I wonder if you would have pursued an adult for an apology. Anyway you know yabu.

franklymydear · 19/09/2009 14:06

I wouldn't have followed her outside - saying it once was fine

but what an appalling behaved child and mother - and as usual mumsnetters seem to believe there is an excuse for this behaviour because it's a special little child and should be treated with kid gloves- absolute rot - it's bad behaviour from a little brat

ToAnswerYourQuestion · 19/09/2009 14:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FranSanDisco · 19/09/2009 14:11

Franklymydear, are you being deliberately provocative?

franklymydear · 19/09/2009 14:15

might be

but there is an annoyingly superior child-centric POV on this site I've found since I've been here that comes across a lot

Aric Seigman has a good article in The Guardian family section this week - worth a read

ToAnswerYourQuestion · 19/09/2009 14:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

franklymydear · 19/09/2009 14:19

"It does not come naturally to her in the way it does to us adults to say sorry for something like bumping into someone (presumably accidentally). "

well it should by now I'm afraid - it should be automatic to apologise when you bump into someone

franklymydear · 19/09/2009 14:20

even a shy child can look to the floor, scuff their shoes and mumble 'rry - we all used to when we were children

franklymydear · 19/09/2009 14:22

aha found the article

www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/sep/19/aric-sigman-parents-control

ToAnswerYourQuestion · 19/09/2009 14:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

franklymydear · 19/09/2009 14:35

the second time but not the first. And it was wrong of the mother to not ask said child to apologise but to go on the attack about making iddums cry

discoball · 19/09/2009 15:37

Frankly, have you forgotten the fact that we're talking about a 6 year old child here? How do you know what her manners are like generally? What a sweeping statement to call her a brat. I can't believe that you're so aggressive whilst talking about a 6 year old girl!! It will not come to a 6 year old automatically EVERY time - maybe she was just taken aback by bumping into this woman!! Let's get some perspective on this - I'm sure the woman might have asked her daughter if she said sorry when she bumped into this woman and said "it's always a good idea to say sorry, even though it was only an accident", but because the OP was so over the top, no wonder she was on the defensive!!! SHE IS SIX YEARS OLD!!!!!!

FranSanDisco · 19/09/2009 16:03

This is a 6 yo child who the OP thought was 8 yo initially. If it had been me the child had bumped into I would have been concerned that I, as the larger person, hadn't hurt her. It's not my job to teach manners to other people's children regardless of whether they are 'brats' or not.