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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be seething and planning to complain to ds2's teacher tomorrow?

175 replies

Greensleeves · 17/09/2009 17:36

ds2 (aged 5 and just started Y1) has come home today with a library book - the children are taken to the library to choose a book once a week

he has come home with a huge hardbacked tome entitled "The Readers Digest Illustrated History of World War II"

I have flicked through it and it is full of photos of tanks, machine guns, people standing outside their bombed-out houses etc

I am FURIOUS

ds1 had this teacher last year and she is excellent, I think very highly of her and am VERY surprised to find that she has allowed this to happen

I really don't want to antagonise her (not only have I liked and respected her for more than a year, she's a bit scary) but I really feel I have to say something!

I have taken the book away from ds2 and told him that is isn't suitable for a 5yo - he is now crying in the living room

AIBU to be really fucked off?

OP posts:
Original poster
Greensleeves · 17/09/2009 18:33

I go in and help at other times, diddl, but I'm at work on the day they do the library trip

I am a school governor and do my bit for the PTA though, and help out in other classes, so I don't think I'm a completely derelict parent

I have NO intention of "getting over myself" when it comes to something as basic as not allowing a five year old child to take home a book featuring graphic pictures of murder victims and descriptions of the horrors of war. If a TA/teacher wrote down the title of the book, they would have been able to see instantly that it was a book which warranted at least a quick check of its content and suitability. A book like this simply should not be available to infants.

OP posts:
HigherThanAWombat · 17/09/2009 18:34

I think the way that the teacher in the 9/11 topic 'discussed' it with the children,while crying hysterically and using sensationalistic terms would have made it an unsuitable lesson for children of any age.
And therefore rather different from a child taking home an educational book about the second world war.

MadameCastafiore · 17/09/2009 18:36

Seems you made him cry and not what was in the book! - Says it all really.

hocuspontas · 17/09/2009 18:36

MissMoopy - the book is NOT appropriate for children and especially 5 year-olds and I can only assume it was a mistake that it was there for the class to access.

swanriver · 17/09/2009 18:38

It is difficult. YANBU but tread carefully before attacking library staff.
I work/help in school library and am constantly trying to stop 4 - 7 year olds taking home "unsuitable" (ie: Lord of Rings) books. But to be a proper library we found it not possible to divide all books into Infant and Junior sections especially Non-Fiction titles. Some of older kids need to be able to choose from selection of easier titles and vice versa for very advanced readers. I know my 6 year old boy loved 10 year old book on Tanks for example.
It is hard to advise dozens of kids going through library on individual choices, but most school libraries will try and get kids used to choosing their "own" books, and not dictate to them what they should or should read. I'm sure teacher library will welcome feedback and avoid this happening again.

pranma · 17/09/2009 18:38

markers so you can find the offending pages quickly not stand there riffling through
I can spell teacher,too and the its just my typing isnt very good at all

diddl · 17/09/2009 18:38

But if your son hasn´t seen the awful contents of this book then there is no harm done.

I would suggest you ask the teacher how he got access to it and why she allowed him to have it.

And be kind enough to let us know.

Goblinchild · 17/09/2009 18:39

So nobody logs the books out and back in again?
That's unusual in a school library. Our school has a KS1 and KS2 library and we have to record which books are removed by whom.
We also do half the class at a time, to avoid the 30 in a small space issues.

MissMoopy · 17/09/2009 18:39

Why is it not appropriate? Am asking genuine question, not challenging you.

BethNoire · 17/09/2009 18:41

Greeny you do know me but I name changed.

I have 4 boys and at 5 I woudln't be happy. I'd have been if it was evacuation etc (used to be a Rainbow Leader and we covered that in fact for a few weeks0 or similar, but not photographs of concentration camp victims- not at 5.

My boys know quite a bit now and we have discussed it since they were rpobably about 7 or 8 in more detail (they know bits about the Jews for example), but I wanted to provide info for before they coverd it at school- in fact the teacher mentioned disabled people being taken to the camps and that really upset ds1 who has asd. He didnt sleep for weeks.

I wouldn't go in all guns though- i'dtake it back in and just make a comment such as you brought it back becuase it seemed OK and then you noticed the pictures so maybe they ahdn't noticed, and then leave it.

Hulababy · 17/09/2009 18:42

Greensleeves - have looked up the book and you are right that this does not look like a suitable book for a primary school library. I would definitely go in and speak to the teacher and ask that this book is moved from general access, at least until it has been checked fully by the head, etc.

I alsways assume our library is stocked with appropriate books as the school library service provide them for us and they have staff to select appropriate books.

2kidzandi · 17/09/2009 18:44

So curious Greensleeves: Would you never take your ds to the imperial war museum, or let him see war portraits at the national gallery etc? I really want to know. Is it just the 2nd world war?

And i'm agaisn't teachers setting age graded reading books during library visits and free choice times. I was reading way above my recommended age level when I was young and reading some way-out stuff.

Really it's a shame because your DS sounds very bright. Is he into machines, planes tanks etc? Honestly, you can go through it with him and skip the pages you don't like. I'd only complain if it was mills and boons or something.

I feel sorry for his teacher.

Original poster
Greensleeves · 17/09/2009 18:47

I do feel awful that I made him cry by the way - I was just so taken aback, I fucked up, I'll readily admit that

I have given him a big cuddle and explained why I reacted as I did (I wasn't cross with him, but I think my reaction scared him and he didn't understand it)

and I have promised to look for a book about Star Wars, to try and get the book changed at school so he has a library book this week, and to take him to the town library at the weekend

so I have done my best to make things right and he is eating his dinner quite happily now

I am going to speak to the teacher and try to get the book changed - despite the MN reaction I still don't feel that this is acceptable - a 5yo should not have access to this sort of book, full stop. It contains graphic and horrific pictures of starving prisoners, piles of bodies etc. I do expect the adults at school to take better care of him thatn this.

OP posts:
MissMoopy · 17/09/2009 18:55

Okay, piles of bodies etc NOT appropriate for a 5 year old. Maybe compromise and get him a book on tanks - probably why he chose book in first place!

clam · 17/09/2009 18:56

I don't see that there was a lack of care. You can see by the reactions on here that many other mums wouldn't have had an issue as, presumably, the teacher herself didn't. (? S'cuse grammar!)

And I would think very carefully about possibly spoiling what has been a good parent-teacher relationship by speaking to her about this. Let it go.

alwayslookingforanswers · 17/09/2009 18:57

Greeny - I thought you'd left! I want to talk to you about cakes at some point if you wouldn't mind terribly......

Anyhow - to the point in question - I know this book - I wouldn't let my 5yr old read it (and I'm fairly relaxed about that sort of thing)

It's not a book for young children. I'm sure there must be plenty of books about WW2 that are more suitable for children that age.

Someone mentioned the Imperial War Museum - they do a trip to Duxford at the end of YR3 at DS1's Junior school. I can't imagie the infant school doing a trip with R-YR1

diddl · 17/09/2009 18:57

But what age does the school go up to?

Unfortunately the whole school is not about one child.

Original poster
Greensleeves · 17/09/2009 18:58

MissMoopy he chose it because he thought it was a book about Star Wars, that's what he told me

OP posts:
laweaselmys · 17/09/2009 19:12

From the sounds of the book (have googled) it is an entry level book to WW2, but way too complex for a 5 year old to read and understand regardless of the pictures.

Almost against my usual principles and attitudes I do think that you're right and that you should mention that perhaps their ought to be a separate library area for KS2 books that are too complex or adult for very young children.

IWantAChickAndADuck · 17/09/2009 19:24

Sounds like there's been a mistake somewhere that you should make the teacher aware of... it definately doesn't sound like a book I'd be comfortable with a 5 yr old looking at. YANBU.

GypsyMoth · 17/09/2009 19:33

year 4 in our school all the year make gas mask boxes and dress up in wartime clothing!!!

rest of the year view it also...

yabu

GypsyMoth · 17/09/2009 19:35

my dc were brought up on an army base where they passed soldiers armed with guns on the gate daily. (one was their own dad). there were also miliatry vehicles on display,along with a plane and rocket!

i assure you,all 5 dc are sanr and non violent!

what do you think will happen to your ds if he views the book??

EssieW · 17/09/2009 19:36

I can't believe so many people think you're being unreasonable.

I'd be shocked and wouldn't want my DS to read it. I remember being veyr shocked by war pictures as a teenager let alone as 5 year old. And am still shocked by them now (and I did a history degree).

Yes, talk to children about war and what happens but in age-appropriate ways. This isn't it.

Would have thought teacher would also want them looking at age-appropriate books - they're more likely to get something out of them.

draggedthrooabush · 17/09/2009 19:40

My ds1 (age 6) would probably also have picked this book. He came back from the library with his Dad very eager to read his choice of book 'Mega Book Of Combat Aircraft' It is full of pictures and some information about the WW2 bomber planes that he is currently obsessed with.

Have never been a 6 year old boy but according to my dh this is all very normal boy behaviour and says that he would have loved that book at his age too. I am delighted that he is keen to try and read this book himself.

Maybe your ds just liked the pictures of the tanks!! Its a progression from liking looking at pictures of tractors and trains for some children who are lovers of a vehicle.

Agree that I would not want my 6 year old to know too much about the horrors of war but you could try to skip the parts you object to and discuss the parts he really likes.

pigletmania · 17/09/2009 19:42

YABU its history. I was about 6/7 when we learned about the 2WW, learned about the Blitz and saw videos of wartime Britian including bombed out houses, I can tell you it increased my fascination of the subject to this present day. It is reality, you cannot cottn wool your child from everything.

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