to be seething and planning to complain to ds2's teacher tomorrow?

[Greensleeves]

ds2 (aged 5 and just started Y1) has come home today with a library book - the children are taken to the library to choose a book once a week

he has come home with a huge hardbacked tome entitled "The Readers Digest Illustrated History of World War II"

I have flicked through it and it is full of photos of tanks, machine guns, people standing outside their bombed-out houses etc

I am FURIOUS

ds1 had this teacher last year and she is excellent, I think very highly of her and am VERY surprised to find that she has allowed this to happen

I really don't want to antagonise her (not only have I liked and respected her for more than a year, she's a bit scary) but I really feel I have to say something!

I have taken the book away from ds2 and told him that is isn't suitable for a 5yo - he is now crying in the living room

AIBU to be really fucked off?

I can see why you're feeling like this but YABU.
I remember about the same age seeing something similar and my mum reacting the way you have to it which is shy it sticks out in my memory so much.
I was interested in the history of it and looking back now feel my mum missed an oppertunity to discuss it with me.
I think if he was interested enough in the book to bring it home then he should be allowed the book even if it is to sit with you and discuss the pictures and answer his questions.
I know for a fact dd (same age) would take one look at a book like this in discard it so the fact that he has brought it homw at all gives you a great chance for a history lesson with him.

I can see why you´re upset though.

I have a DS that age and he is very interested in tanks and guns, ánd even war. I try to explain to him about it without frightening him.

I don´t think you need to be overly upset about it, but I do understand it must have been a bit of a shock.

Children at that age becoem interested in things like death and war, denying it exists doesn´t help, but rubbing their face in it isn´t necessary either.

So yanbu about being put out, but yabu to be "fuming".

OK, it´s the school library.
Is it not in age appropriate sections?

Perhaps she did try to
persuade him not to take it.

But the fact that he is crying suggests to me that the situation has been badly handled,TBH.

Look at it with him, and skip the bits you think are unsuitable.

Has he never caught any news about soldiers being blown up?
Or people dying for any reason?

oops- just realised that of course there is a distinction between LIBRARY books and reading books that they are meant to try to learn to read from. tsk [where did I learn to read]

YABU to be seething and furious.

If it was a trip to the library, maybe the library was at fault. Maybe some children wandered off from the designated areas.

I would calmly get in touch with the school, calmly express surprise that such a book had been chosen and calmly ask if it could be avoided in future.

I wouldn't seethe in the least.

Good point Greensleeves

Gang rape happens
So does heroin addiction
Mass murder shootings

Lets all go and get books with graphic pictures on those topics for our 5yo to look at
[shock

He won't know the full horrors of the reality of war. I KNOW what happened. He opened a big book, and it pictures of tanks in it. "Cool!" yelled his testosterone. And he chose it to take home and show mum - who had a hissy fit about it.

He's crying cos you didn't think his cool thing was cool. And you're angry.

let him look at the tanks, they will be all he wants to see. Explain that they are for shooting big things, because sometimes people want to shoot big things when they aren't getting their own way, because they didn't have very good mummies who taught them how to negotiate properly.

oh ok, the school library.

I'd still do exactly the same.

Perhaps it is your 5yr old you should be seething with, after all one can only presume it was his choice!

I think you are over-reacting. Children need to make their own choices. If he finds the content disturbing he will stop looking at it.

Seething is an over-reaction. YABU.

And if you talk to the teacher-be civil and polite!

no, colditz, you don't KNOW what happened. You THINK you know what happened.

I have just had a little talk with him about why I reacted the way I did and why I was taken aback to see a book like that in his bookbag. I said I will ask his teacher nicely if we could nip into the library and change the book as I don't feel it is suitable for him. He seems happy enough with that and says there was another book he liked.

Thanks for the responses, they surprised me but I appreciate them all the same.

agree with colditz. You took his chosen book away, of course he's angry. I'd choose a few sections and talk through them with him in a very non-frightening way.

Well he'll be learning about WW2 pretty soon.My DD did it last year in a mixed Y2/3 class.What are you going to do then ?

Having said that, definately calmly talk to the teacher tomorrow to find out why he chose this book. Is it not a book aimed at children? I missed your original post about graphic details, thought it was a book aimed at children but if not talk to the teacher. Without seething.

hocuspontas Thu 17-Sep-09 17:44:42 Add a message | Report post | Contact poster

"It's an odd book to have in a primary school library though."

correct me if I am wrong but isn't the Second World War part of the curriculum in primary schools? So you would need books on WWII in the library.

YABU. Your 5 year old wont understand the pictures of dead people (other than they are dead), or anything else and in my (limited I admit) experience, is highly unlikely to have nightmares over something he sees in a book as it is static. More likely to be traumitised by a childrens programme on tv where he is sucked in and 'part' of it. If he is anything like my children he will look at it with interest but little emotion. I think it is a suitable book for primary school actually and I wouldnt have a problem with it (and I am very conservative where my children are concerned). I would be pleased to see they had picked a book like this rather than a really childish book suitable for pre-schoolers like mine seem to! Mine love our medical dictionary with pictures of people being cut open and brains and things. Yet they cant watch scooby doo as it is too frightening.

I'm a supply teaching assistant and if a year1 child had picked up that book I wouldn't have a problem with them doing so . I don't think a 5 year old is able too see it the way older children would. At that age GED see the children were sad but I don't think he'd actually'get what it ws all about.

To be honest of it were my child I'd give it back to him he would flick through it very quickly then dump it and probably not pick it up again.

Library time is manic I have often done them it would be very difficult to check every book the children pick up.

Greensleeves he is your DS and you should decide what he reads. You are the only one here who has seen the book and you should be confident in your own judgement - if your instinct was to take it away i'm sure that was the right thing to do.

He probably just wanted to look at the tanks or something, kids don't really understand what they do, they're just another truck.

Maybe ask him why he chose the book, what aspect he liked, and take him to your local library and find a book just with that aspect in - like a book about tanks or something. Make it clear it's not his fault for choosing wrongly or anything.

No way would i encourage my DS to read up about war. They should learn about it in a gradual way yes, but too much detail at that age is terrifying, especially about things like the holocaust - how can a 5 year old deal with that?

I wouldn't be angry with the teacher though - maybe make her aware that the book was chosen and you felt it was unsuitable but don't get angry, i'm sure it would be a genuine error.

I'm am shocked at how many people here say they would let a 5 year old read unsupervised about the holocaust.

Trust your judgement!

Think you're being COMPLETELY reasonable.

It's not a children's book, is it? If it was the Dorland Kindsley History of WW2 it wouldn't bother me, but there are all sorts of issues her IMO:

• your son is unlikely to 'get as much' out of it as he would if it had been a more age-appropriate book

• it may contain unsuitable material, and you were not given any choice over whether he sees this (initially at least)

I suspect it's a mistake more than anything else. Is it a school that goes up to age 11? Could this have been being used by an older child and have been left out - attracting your son's attention.

If you're otherwise happy with this teacher I would try to calm down, and then just quietly and politely let her know that you thought this particular book was unsuitable.Ask what their library policy is. See what her own reaction is - you may well find she also considers it unsuitable?

cory - I presumed this was an adult book which is why I thought it was odd. The primary schools I have worked in have only stocked books aimed at children. (AFAIK - obviously I haven't checked every single one!)

I had a similar "issue" when dd1 was in infant school, because she tended to choose books according to the cover. A lot of those books were fictions for much older children. I used to just bring it back to school whenever it happenened and ask if she could change because I was finding it inappropriate for her age, no big deal.

I think I might have kept a factual book though, even it it was a bit too grown up and chosen to have a look at what was "explainable" to her at the time.

I do not not think YABU in the sense that it is your right as a parent to "filter" things until you are confident your Dcs can undestand then better. but I think YAB a bit U about being so ennoyed at the teacher. She did not read the book to your DS, she let him take a book home to share with you. If the teacher was censoring (sorry, bad use of the word but am struggling to find a better one) you might think she is taking away from you the right to decide what you want your Ds to know about. The way things happened, you had the choice to read/look through the book with him or not.

I'm totally with you Greensleeves and amazed at the negative reaction you're getting. Having googled the book, it is clearly not intended for an audience of 5yos. It looks like an adult reference book - and a meaty one, at that.

I agree with others that there's nothing wrong with 5yos learning about war, at their level. But not reasonable for a book like that to be freely available in an infant library. I wouldn't have wanted my daughter looking at graphic pictures of WWII at 5. I might, just possibly, be happy to read it with her now, at age 7.

If the school library isn't properly organised so that infants only have access to infant-level material, I'd say that was quite reasonable grounds for complaint/discussion with the teacher.

If your ds1 is anything like my dd1 then I really think YANBU. Books that graphic would start nightmares for months.

We've talked about war and the general details of what goes on, but we haven't broken out the pics of severed limbs ect.

I know that some children may be able to cope with the raelities, but I think I'll cushion mine from them for a little longer. Jeeze, they are only 5!

It is most definitely NOT aimed at primary school children - it's an adult book and it goes into great detail about every aspect of the second world war

some of the pictures are truly horrendous

realities!!