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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fucking PIL!!!!

56 replies

FlamingoBingo · 16/09/2009 15:54

Posting here as I could do with a good fight. I'm in a bloody bad mood!

DCs birthdays are nearly always celebrated at my parents house as they have lots of room. MIL usually contributes to the food, which is kind of her.

But PIL are also prone to doing random things. DH told them that DD4's 1st birthday was being celebrated this Sunday about three weeks ago.

He just got back from the swings to say MIL had rung him to say they had a previous engagement and can't come after all.

Is three weeks not enough notice? Ok, I know this isn't a biggie in the grand scheme of things, but fucking hell I'm pissed off

They haven't missed one birthday so far - is DD4 not important because she's the 4th? They have no other grandchildren. What other engagement is more important than a DGC's birthday???

And mostly I'm because it upsets DH.

OP posts:
Tortington · 16/09/2009 15:57

so they have always been and conribute but this time they can't

give em a break

there are lots of things better to do when your not the actual parent of a child - than go to it's party imo

Stigaloid · 16/09/2009 15:57

YaBu and are over-reacting. They don't have to be there and it is their loss anyway. They may have a sick relative to visit or something else going on.

Calm down and enjoy the time organising your beautidul daughter's birthday. I hope you have a lovely day.

AboardtheAxiom · 16/09/2009 15:57

Their loss. Your DD4 won't notice. If it was my parent(s) I would say to them that I was disappointed they couldn't make it and leave it at that (but be silently fuming). Is the party on the actual birth day? Maybe they are thinking they can pop round on the acual day?

more · 16/09/2009 15:58

Am I getting it right that they were invited three weeks ago, the party is this Sunday, and they have only just now said that they can't make it?

mathanxiety · 16/09/2009 15:59

tbh, I don't think this is worth 4 . I would say 1 at most.

annh · 16/09/2009 16:00

You are being completely unreasonable. Their lives do not revolve completely around your children, only grandchildren or not. They could have any number of reasons why they cannot make it.

bibbitybobbityhat · 16/09/2009 16:01

Do you really have to swear in the thread title?

Yabu, imo, btw.

pigletmania · 16/09/2009 16:02

look its not the end of the world these things do happen unfortunately, as long as your dcs have you and your dh and their other siblings around. My dd birthday always is a largish even that attracts PILs mothers aunties and cousins, i would just prefer it to be just us as a family. You said that they usually come, so not a biggy really if they cant this once.

DailyMailNameChanger · 16/09/2009 16:04

You know YABU but that does not make it any less annoying I am sure

Just enjoy a slightly more peaceful birthday and guilt trip them into providing an extra birthday tea another night so you and dh get double cake/jelly and ice-cream!

pigletmania · 16/09/2009 16:04

YRBU tbh, just enjoy the day, like others have said on here they have lives outside the family and you are really overreacting.

slushy06 · 16/09/2009 16:05

YABU my MIL has not yet graced us with her presence at any of my ds 3 birthdays but always attends her daughters ds's birthdays cut them some slack they sound nice and for all you know their prior engagement could be a hospital appointment that cant be changed.

famishedass · 16/09/2009 16:06

YABU - your PIL haven't missed a single one of your dc's birthdays so far, and instead of applauding them for that, you're angry that one time they can't come .

I'll say what your PIL are frightened to tell you - I expect your in-laws are bored of attending childrens parties and have found something they would rather do instead on that particular day.

They don't want to come, grow up and get over it.

girlsyearapart · 16/09/2009 16:09

actually i think yanbu
unless its a major thing that is keeping them away like hosp apt or foreign visitors in town for one day only or whatever??
My dds had a shared party as their birthdays are 3 days apart, this year (dds were 1 and 2) my pil were away for both birthdays and the party. It was a long trip and was for their Ruby anniv so I didn't mind but then my own parents said they were going to be away too. They hadn't yet booked and Ipointed out that it was pretty rubbish that there would be no GPs at the party.
They booked for day after party. Pleased they changed it wouldn't have been impressed otherwise!

Original poster
FlamingoBingo · 16/09/2009 16:10

at number of corresponding to level of unreasonableness.

yes, yes, I know their world does not revolve around my DDs, but they tend to do things like this to 'punish' us for not seeing them often enough...even though they don't actually try to see us.

Glad it's DD4 and not one of the older ones who would really notice and be upset.

Oh...DH just got off phone from them again. He reiterated that they hadn't seen DD4 for ages - she's changing and walking etc. - and that, because of his hours increasing now on the lead up to Christmas, it's going to be difficult to meet up over the next few months. And she just said 'Mmmm'.

Cowbag!

And fuck the lot of you too!

(But don't take it personally . If I don't say it to you lot, I'll be emailing it to her and I don't think that's really the best thing to do!)

And yes I do have to swear in the title, it's either swear on here or swear on the phone to PIL!

OP posts:
ReneRusso · 16/09/2009 16:11

YABU - you are overreacting

Original poster
FlamingoBingo · 16/09/2009 16:11

Oh and they're not nice. And it's a food festival they're going to, which is on Sat and Sun and they've chosen Sunday to go to it

And no, it's not boredom, it's bitchiness - seriously.

OP posts:
Original poster
FlamingoBingo · 16/09/2009 16:12

yy, I know I am Rene - but I've only just heard so heat of moment etc. etc.

I'll be fine after a good rant on here

OP posts:
ReneRusso · 16/09/2009 16:13

If it was me, I would take pleasure in their absence

eleveld · 16/09/2009 16:14

Sorry but I think you YAB completely U and over the top.

When I read the title I thought it must be something really serious and, to be honest, was quite shocked when I opened the post and read the content.

They either can't come because they genuinly have something else on or they can't come because, for some reason, they are being awkward, in which case, it's their loss.

Either way, forget it and concentrate on enjoying the day with the people that are there

Original poster
FlamingoBingo · 16/09/2009 16:14

Oh I will, don't worry about it! Will be much nicer without them. Stupid freaks!

Bum heads!

Poo breaths!

OP posts:
purpleduck · 16/09/2009 16:14

Your dd's birthday is being celebrated that day.... does that mean that is not her birthday?

I think you are being unreasonable.
Are you so this because MIL won't be able to do the food?

StayFrosty · 16/09/2009 16:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JemL · 16/09/2009 16:16

Maybe they are annoyed that the celebrations are always at your parents house. My MIL is funnly like this - I always have DS's parties at my Nan's house as her garden is ginormous. MIL feels that everything is taken over by my family, and is very resentful of this. PIL's live in a flat, so it is not as if they could host - she just gets huffy about it.

Original poster
FlamingoBingo · 16/09/2009 16:16

No way, purpleduck! Me and my mum do the food and MIL likes to contribute so it looks like she's an involved GP when she blatently isn't!

I'm because my DH wishes they were involved as much as my parents, so he's really upset.

And I'm being PFB about my DD4

Her birthday's on a weekday - they live an hour from us and don't have a car, so won't be popping over on the day (at least I bloody hope they won't!).

OP posts:
Original poster
FlamingoBingo · 16/09/2009 16:17

Jem - you're right, she is. But their house is tiny with no garden. She is very jealous of how close my parents are to my DDs but doesn't make any effort to be similarly close!

OP posts: