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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fucking PIL!!!!

56 replies

FlamingoBingo · 16/09/2009 15:54

Posting here as I could do with a good fight. I'm in a bloody bad mood!

DCs birthdays are nearly always celebrated at my parents house as they have lots of room. MIL usually contributes to the food, which is kind of her.

But PIL are also prone to doing random things. DH told them that DD4's 1st birthday was being celebrated this Sunday about three weeks ago.

He just got back from the swings to say MIL had rung him to say they had a previous engagement and can't come after all.

Is three weeks not enough notice? Ok, I know this isn't a biggie in the grand scheme of things, but fucking hell I'm pissed off

They haven't missed one birthday so far - is DD4 not important because she's the 4th? They have no other grandchildren. What other engagement is more important than a DGC's birthday???

And mostly I'm because it upsets DH.

OP posts:
DailyMailNameChanger · 16/09/2009 16:18

Loving the venting - and taking on the chin all the YABU posts! Keep up the swearing, it is cathartic and good for the soul (well the not comitting parentinlawicide is good for the soul and the swearing helps achieve that )

Original poster
FlamingoBingo · 16/09/2009 16:20

I deliberately posted in AIBU to have a fight about it! How else does one get rid of anger?

DDs adore them, so I am so, so glad it is not one of the older one's birthdays they've chosen to punish us for their being shit GPs or I really would be ringing her!

OP posts:
OrmIrian · 16/09/2009 16:21

Goodness ! You don't care for them much it seems so let it go. There must be something else for it to wind you up so much
My MIL often doesn't come to b'day parties.

StayFrosty · 16/09/2009 16:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
FlamingoBingo · 16/09/2009 16:23

Oh there's loads of history OrmIrian - if I went into it here though, I'd be accused of AIBU by stealth

Besides, I feel much better now and am looking forward to not having to kiss FIL with his horrid scratchy beard and to pretending to be nice to MIL - will be a lovely party.

Thanks for calming me down girls and letting me get cross with you lot rather than completely ruin any relationship with PIL by getting cross with them!

OP posts:
pigletmania · 16/09/2009 16:24

oh well better not to have them there just enjoy you dd special day

OrmIrian · 16/09/2009 16:37

Well then clearly much better off without them then

annh · 16/09/2009 16:44

So they live in a small house and can't host parties, they contribute food to parties at your parents but are probably aware that you view it as them "muscling in" and pretending to be involved in the party. They live an hour away and don't drive, you don't want them to visit on weekdays, you have said some horrid things about them on here, admitted that you only pretend to be nice to them .... and you wonder why they have chosen to do something other than attend your dd's birthday party? It seems they can't do right for doing wrong! I'm sure there is lots of history here and you probably have justifiable grounds for being angry with them but you must also appreciate that they are probably only too well aware of how you feel about them and can't face another party of everyone pretending to get on together.

EmilyBrownlovesStanley · 16/09/2009 16:47

You clearly despise your PILs. Maybe they can't stand it any more - hence they are avoiding you.

thehairybabysmum · 16/09/2009 16:47

Well said annh

i was just about to comment that ''DH just got off phone from them again. He reiterated that they hadn't seen DD4 for ages - she's changing and walking etc. - and that, because of his hours increasing now on the lead up to Christmas, it's going to be difficult to meet up over the next few months. And she just said 'Mmmm'.''

So basically your DH has phoned them to effectively say that as they are not coming to the party you are going to punish them by not letting them see your dd til xmas....no wonder they may be a bit cool in theeir attitude.

Also you say yourself that birthdays are always at your mums house, maybe they feel excluded in general so are not so enthusiastic as the years go on?

Original poster
FlamingoBingo · 16/09/2009 16:49

Not like that Ann, but thanks for the insight!

Bugger - MIL just rang to say they've changed their minds! They're coming! Must have listened to DH for once in their lives! That's good news, that they've listened to him though. I'm pleased for him - he'll be delighted .

OP posts:
Original poster
FlamingoBingo · 16/09/2009 16:50

OMG punish them???? DH genuinely has to work very long hours from now on - they've known that for years. Not punishing at all - reminding them to think twice about this weekend as they may not get much chance to see us until Christmas time.

OP posts:
newpup · 16/09/2009 16:51

Either that or your mil is a mumsnetter!!!!

bigchris · 16/09/2009 16:54

yabu

my ds is five and my parents have been at one of his birthdays - only because we organised to stay with them that weekend

Original poster
FlamingoBingo · 16/09/2009 16:55

newpup - bloody hope not!

OP posts:
DailyMailNameChanger · 16/09/2009 16:56

lololol Oh well, that is some kind of poetic justice... or something like that

bigchris · 16/09/2009 17:00

oh god, guests that have been guilt tripped into coming, nothing worse!!

Original poster
FlamingoBingo · 16/09/2009 17:01

They've got a good few days to get over it. And don't assume my PIL are like your PIL or parents or anyone else you know.

I was posting here to vent because I was angry, whether justified or not, and I wanted not to be angry. Either I yell at them, or my family, or I use you lovely people who live in my computer

OP posts:
posieparker · 16/09/2009 17:06

Can't you ring and ask if they're still going to help with the food?

EmilyBrownlovesStanley · 16/09/2009 17:10

Why would you yell at your PIL, or your family, just because they don't jump when you tell them too?

Weegle · 16/09/2009 17:13

I don't get this... well I get what you're saying but I think you're slightly unhinged about it - meant in the nicest possible way of course.

Try having one set of grandparents live in Cyprus who despite having been back 3 times a year have met their GDS once, another set who thinks giving DS a packet of doilies is a treat, and another set who are ok on the surface but can't be left with DS alone due to alcohol and past abuse issues... I think you've got it pretty good on the grandparent front really...

TwoPersephone · 16/09/2009 17:19

I was expecting something awful, really dramatic and shocking. Ah well.

YABU, you invited them, they declined, it doesnt warrent the anger you feel.

bigchris · 16/09/2009 17:24

are we all just making you angrier though by telling you that you are being unreasonable

MorrisZapp · 16/09/2009 17:42

yabu. Grandparents owe you and your kids nothing.

You don't even like them anyway.

BettySuarez · 16/09/2009 18:25

It sounds as if there is obviously a degree of 'history' there. What with them trying to 'punish' you and you in turn having unreasonable expectations of them.

Families eh? You sound as bad as each other TBH