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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in not letting my 17 year go to magaluff next year

62 replies

DollyPS · 15/09/2009 13:53

I am not letting her go as I have heard horror stories of the ruddy place and she will be under age for drinking any way. No other adults will be going with them and there will be 16 of them all girls all 17 or 18 at the time the go.

We are not talking because I said NO to her well tough I stand by what I said.

OP posts:

madnotmad · 15/09/2009 13:55

Yadefinatelynbu.

I went when I was in my early 20's and it was hell on earth then.

You won't be able to stop her the next year though.....

malovitt · 15/09/2009 13:56

The 18 year olds will be adults, won't they?

twirlymum · 15/09/2009 14:02

Depends on the type of person she is, is she responsible, sensible, or utterly reckless?

alypaly · 15/09/2009 14:04

i wouldnt let my DS who is 17 in nov go either. I guess we dont have much choice when they are 18 but even then, he would have to fund it himself.
I am not into all this drinking lark and getting out of my head like youngsters seem to do these days. Why do alot of them have to be blotto to have a good time?

I allowed my 16 year old to have a drink under our supervision and he also had an adult wrist band for the all inclusive alcoholic drinks and i kept a watchful eye on him. ( accidentally given by hotel)
They seem to think it is clever to say i can drink 5 pints and it doesnt affect me...little do they know how much they slurr
their words and what its doing to their pancreas long term.. frightening!!!!
i wud worry about drinks being spiked with date rape drug if i had girls too and e's being slipped in drinks

Hando · 15/09/2009 14:27

When I was 17 I worked full time and funded my own holidays. I wouldn't have even considered asking permission to go away with friends.

My brother went to Majorca with his girlfriend for 10 days when he was 16 and they were very responsible and stayed out of the big clubs and dodgy places and had a lovely time.

If they are going to get wrecked in Magaluf then they are going to get wrecked on a Friday night at the pub here in UK.

MmeLindt · 15/09/2009 14:30

YABU

I left home at 17yo and would not have even considered asking my parents permission to go on holiday.

Speak to her so she knows the dangers of binge drinking (if you have not already) and let her go.

minervaitalica · 15/09/2009 14:31

I have never been to Magaluff so I have no idea what things are like. Also, do they have drinking age in Spain? If she came to Italy she could drink legally in most places - I thought it was the same in Spain.

In any case, if your daughter is 17, she will go to University or at least be 18 and able to do what she likes anyway - so if she wants to get slaughtered every day or whatever she can do so. So what practical difference would it make if she went on hols a few months before she turns 18 (I assume she would be paying her way)?

The message you are giving her is that she cannot be trusted - if that had been me I would have been very cross and much more determined to do what the hell I wanted once I turned 18. I do not know your DD so it's difficult to comment, but I do wonder whether just saying no without explanation may store problems in the long term.

When I was 17 I went on holiday to Thailand backpacking with a friend of mine who was 18. Perhaps my parents thought I was mature enough - but I behaved impeccably on that holiday because I knew that my parents had trusted me to go and wanted to show them that I was indeed an adult.

alypaly · 15/09/2009 14:33

I would not allow my 16/17 anywhere near a pub ( he can drink with us at meal times)and i am sure i now where he is most of the time. I have told my guys that whilst they are at school ,and they live at home they will not do things that are illegal, like going to pubs and anyway round here the pubs all ask for id and dont allow you in unless you are over 21. So that stops alot of under age drinking.

LaurieFairyCake · 15/09/2009 14:36

I was at Uni at 17, completely on my own.

I think if she's funding it herself you really should reconsider on account of her being old enough to be married and have a full-time job.

You could also say if you choose to go then we won't 'hold your room' for you while your away.

BitOfFun · 15/09/2009 14:36

YANBU

If she is over 18 and can pay her way, different matter. Otherwise, Forgeddaboudit!

Hando · 15/09/2009 14:37

MmeLindt - Are you me?

Actually the more I think about it the more I find "asking" permission to do something at 17/18 yrs old is a bit odd. I pretty much came and went as I pleased from the age of about 15. I was always responsible, never got slaughtered to the point where I didn't know where/who I was and never slept around, never took drugs or got into trouble etc. I would always tell my mum where I was going and if I was coming come but then I went out / away and got on with it. I did work full time from 16 though, and paid for my own expenses so I guess that sometimes makes a difference.

danthe4th · 15/09/2009 14:37

yabu she is not a child, she has to learn from her mistakes, if she wants to go and vomit the week away there is not much you can say or do. But it is worth pointing out that many young people are now being arrested for being drunk in maggaluf, You obviously don't trust her so good luck in sorting this one out, I think far more sensible to talk about the dangers and let her go, I presume she is paying as she is old enough to earn her own money.

ruddynorah · 15/09/2009 14:37

depends what she's like. i went to ibiza with friends when i was 17, only just 17 in fact as i'm a may birthday and we went in june after our exams.

the summer before that, so just turned 16, after GCSEs we went to one of the big music festivals for 3 nights.

if you aren't comfortable with it how about suggesting a trip somewhere closer to home or with fewer friends, or somewhere less erm..rough? having said that though, they 'could' get in trouble anywhere, if they're going to.

Hando · 15/09/2009 14:39

Also, the age limit isn't going to make any difference. They do not ask for ID in most places in Magaluf. It's not like here in London where they ask everyone.

Original poster

DollyPS · 15/09/2009 14:39

She does get hammered the now and is 16 and we have grounded her for this so she would get hammered in Magaluff and then what as she is reckless at times. Her guard would be down in another country I think and yes at the mo I do not trust her. So I have said no and why I have said no to her.

On her bebo as I am on it her friends have put shag a luff on it now that got my hackles up for a start.

I know it isnt easy have teens and I have 3 of them the now, but I just want her to be safe and she cant do that here in her own country what chance does she have aboard.

OP posts:

BitOfFun · 15/09/2009 14:41

I was always responsible, never got slaughtered to the point where I didn't know where/who I was and never slept around, never took drugs or got into trouble etc.>

That's the point though. Isn't it? We live in a porno-chic drug/drink culture now, which a seventeen yr old with over a dozen other girls can't expect not to be a target for. No kids with the maturity to withstand those sorts of pressures would be remotely interested in a trip to Magga, I would venture. If she wanted to go Eurostarring with a couple of buddies, different matter.

MmeLindt · 15/09/2009 14:43

Hando
I was just wondering that. I was the same. My parents let me have a fair amount of freedom from about age 15/16 and I did not abuse their trust.

Yes, I got drunk (tipsy, not binge drinking) when I was 16/17 but my parents always knew where I was and who I was with until I moved away from home.

Not allowing a 16/17 to drink at all is asking for trouble. I was allowed a "wee martini" from about age 15, when my parents were having a party. More lemonade than martini really.

If you forbid something hten you make it all the more attractive.

Hando · 15/09/2009 14:45

I think YABU and a little over the top and out of touch (with all due respect of course).

Magaluf is called Shag a luf as a nickname, just like Lanzarote is affectionally known as Lanzagrotty but... that doesn't mean that everyone who goes there is going to sleep around.

Going to Magaluf is as far from being in a foreign country as you can possibly imagine.

Also, you grounded her? I think I'm not really able to comment any further on this thread as I think "grounding" is good for kids, not 16 nearly 17 year olds who are adults not children.

Hassled · 15/09/2009 14:46

I understand why you're concerned, but there's not much you can do about it. She'll go anyway - but probably go much more determined to behave badly than she would be if she went with your blessing. Explain calmly why you're worried - just talk about it, rather than issue bans.

When DS1 was 18 he spent 6 months travelling around AFrica with 2 mates - and he was fine. They're usually tougher and more sensible than a parent assumes.

overthemill · 15/09/2009 14:50

i think you are being a bit hard. she is 17 fgs. assume she is generally responsible and she understands your reasons for not thinking it's agreat idea? when our 16yo dd wanted to go to greece this year we talked with her about how people tend to lose tehir inhibitions on holiday and behaviour they would normally think acceptable looks ok. We told her about the distraught young girl my dh found walking early one morning in avery respectable greek resort and told her what we'd understood had happened to her. we trusted her to go and to be sensible but that we would always look out for her

she talked to her friends and decided not to go as most of them intended going to get pissed and sunbathe all day.
i think if we said 'no' she may have ended up going!

alypaly · 15/09/2009 14:57

My eldest whom is now at uni and has been for 3 years said 'oh i'll never be one to drink alot, in fact i dont really like drink'.well that has changed ,get them in a group and its mass drinking sessions,shots,all night parties. He has made the mistake of allowing me on his facebook and i can now see all the comments about their nights out. I am sure half of them will be vey ill or dead by the time they leave uni and as potential pharmacists and medics the3y should all know so much better. Whats more worrying is when we are older we will be in their hands!!!!!!!!!!!

alypaly · 15/09/2009 14:58

peer pressure is immense when they are in large group whether it is on holiday r at uni. No one likes to be seen to be doing the correct thing

Hulababy · 15/09/2009 14:58

Who is fundung the trip?
Who supports your DD at home? Does she live at home, go to school/college, etc?

At 17y I was still living at home, at sixth form (school), was supported financially (and other) by my parents and, although I had a PT job, required most big stuff to be supported by my parents. I would have expected to ask permission and would always have done so. Infact at 18y after finishing school I still would have asked. I used to check it was okay to come in late at weekends, etc as my parents house, their rules, etc. So I do think things like the above make a difference.

Would I allow my 17y to go in your shoes? Would depend on her general behaviour I guess, especially if I was funding. If she was funding I would still want to be consulted and it be discussed, although untimately would have less say in the final decision obviously.

alypaly · 15/09/2009 14:58

DollyPS ...stick to your guns...

Original poster

DollyPS · 15/09/2009 15:00

Hando you think its ok then to not ground her even if she under age for drinking are you serious she maybe an adult but we have house rules for god sake. She knows the risks as we have told her them numerous times I might add.

What would you do with a 16 year old being pissed and the police on the phone asking you to collect her mmmm. Do tell. let her get on with it as that isnt how it works as most teens need us parents to guide them through to adulthood. Just cause the law says at 16 thats it your adult us parents can say no it doesnt.

OP posts:

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