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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in not letting my 17 year go to magaluff next year

62 replies

DollyPS · 15/09/2009 13:53

I am not letting her go as I have heard horror stories of the ruddy place and she will be under age for drinking any way. No other adults will be going with them and there will be 16 of them all girls all 17 or 18 at the time the go.

We are not talking because I said NO to her well tough I stand by what I said.

OP posts:

mummylin2495 · 15/09/2009 15:03

Magaluf is one of our fav hol places and my mums too and she is 81 ! its not all just 24 hour drinking and if your dd is a sensible girl she wont be led by the ones who do intend to get slaughtered.We have been there many times and yes we have seen a fair few drunks about ,but equally there are the others who are just enjoying their holidays and being sensible.oh and i am a grandmother of three.so its not just youngsters who go there.

alypaly · 15/09/2009 15:04

Hulababy nice to hear someone respects their parental guidance. Mine do..i make sure of it at home but my eldest is 21 and its up to him and his mates!!!!!!!
will be glad when he is finished at uni and the job starts properly. Finances will be a little tighter if he wants his own place...

Hulababy · 15/09/2009 15:08

alypaly - looking back it is easier to say how it all worked, I guess at the time I probably whinged more about it, lol! But I did go out whn in sixth form, although not drinking before I was 17y I have to say - disadvantage of looking so young to start with. But once I was with my boyfriend (then DH) we did tend to go out more, but were generally sensible Yes, we drank a bit too much ome times but never to excess. Have never been one to drink themselves senseless - would be sick first. At university I'd go out and have a few, etc. but again it was never anything stupid. We would laugh and joke about how much we'd drank, bt generally it is bigging it up way more than reality IME.

curiositykilled · 15/09/2009 15:13

I think it is not just your decision to make without her as she's in that in-between age.

I do think if she is living with you and not respecting your household rules already then she isn't really giving an indication of being able to make adult decisions in a foreign country.

I wouldn't snoop on her bebo as it will confuse you. Think only about her and whether she deserves to go and will be able to keep herself safe while she's there. My sisters both went on foreign holidays with their boyfriends at that age but they were far less likely to get into trouble in that situation than with a group of girly friends.

glastocat · 15/09/2009 15:14

I think YABU, you know your daughter best. Of course some teenagers may be mature enough to go to Magaluf and not get shitfaced, but I assume you think that's unlikely. Of course you'll have to let her go next year, she may have grown up a bit by then.

I begged my mum to let me go to Benidorm (!)with my boyfriend when I was 17 - she refused, but let me go on holiday in Ireland. We had a very grim week in a caravan which nearly split us up. The next year we went to Benidorm and stupid dickhead boyfriend refused to use suncream and got heat stroke on day 2. I was so sick of him by the end of the week we did split up. Just in time for me to start university unencumbered. So, a happy ending if you like. Thanks mum, you did know best!

OrmIrian · 15/09/2009 15:17

Yeuch! I wouldn't like it much either. I have no issues with my DD having sex at that age, or even drinking, but it all seems so excessive. I want her to have a little respect for herself. However it may be that she is still as sensible at 17 and she is at 10 and would stand on the sidelines looking horrified

Evmw · 15/09/2009 15:21

you are right, they will all cane it and no matter how good she is her friedns will waylay her, get her to wait till she is 18!

AvengingGerbil · 15/09/2009 15:28

Who is paying?

If you, then she doesn't have a leg to stand on.

If her, then I think YANBU as if she goes she probably won't be able to stand on her legs. 16 is not an adult. Nor is 17.

belgo · 15/09/2009 15:33

Agree, who is paying;

I would not pay for this kind of holiday for my teenager.

MmeLindt · 15/09/2009 15:37

I don't think that grounding a teenager helps, tbh.

It is understandable that you have to impose some kind of punishment or consequence if your DD is brought home by the police.

Was the drinking a one off, or a regular occurance?

Has she been drinking since the night you got called by the police?

OtterInaSkoda · 15/09/2009 15:38

"We are not talking because I said NO to her well tough I stand by what I said"
So why are you asking us?

I think much depends on why they're planning this trip - and who is paying. If this is a post-exam/A-Level jaunt then YABU, especially if she'll be funding the trip herself.
If it had been me and I was paying, I'd have done a moonlight flit whatever my mother had said (especially if she wasn't talking to me at all), and she'd have had one phonecall to say I was OK.
Let her go. Tell her to be careful, make sure they have travel insurance and know who to contact if they get into any trouble.

Original poster

DollyPS · 15/09/2009 15:48

she was hoping I was paying half as she said it was through the school and it clearly wasnt it was a list put on the notice board. I do check these things out and thoroughly.

I didnt snoop on her bebo I am on her friends lists and I was seeing what skin she had as she has had some really funny ones up at times.

I cant stop her if she is funding this herself as it is next year but I still worry that she will get waylaid and end up more drunk over there than here as it is a different country.

We have talked at length about this and the drinking but it hasnt went in sadly. She is a lass that sees no wrong in what she is doing at this young age and my ex doesnt help either as he doesnt care if she gets pissed or not as he said he did at that age arghhhhhhh

OP posts:

RubysReturn · 15/09/2009 15:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tiredemma · 15/09/2009 15:53

I moved to magaluf as a 17 year old to work (returned to the uk when I was 21)

I would never allow any 17 year old daughter of mine to go there alone. Its a meat market.

minervaitalica · 15/09/2009 15:56

"You are right, they will all cane it and no matter how good she is her friedns will waylay her, get her to wait till she is 18!"

OK - she will have peer pressure and may get drunk a lot on this holiday. But what's the difference if she does it when she turns 18? Should she get into real trouble, you are unlikely to be able to just ignore this because she is 18 - you will still be her parents and next of kin.

She is now an adult, and assuming she is paying her way I cannot see how saying no will make things better for you at home, if you seems to be saying that there are some problems with her behaviour.

Hando · 15/09/2009 15:56

"I would never allow any 17 year old daughter of mine to go there alone. Its a meat market."

Welcome to 99% of bars, clubs and pubs attracting at young people on a Friday or Saturday night in the UK!

OtterInaSkoda · 15/09/2009 15:57

"through the school"? Sneaky madam.

Hmmm. I would completely understand you not wanting to pay half. In fact I don't think I would, if I were in your shoes (and I said YABU originally).

Perhaps, if she behaves extraordinarily well for the next 6 months you could give in a wee bit? Nothing wrong with a bit of bribery here and there, imo.

MrFlibble · 15/09/2009 15:58

If you dont want her to go, then stick to your guns, but you need to start giving her some leeway because as soon as she turns 18 instead of having respect for your feelings she will just pull the "im 18 I can do what I want" card and you'll have no idea what she is doing.

Original poster

DollyPS · 15/09/2009 16:04

I was thinking of a good behaviour bond type thing for her but not for Magalluf but where is the question. See its the where I have problems with and the party all night long they think they can do.

Thats the scary part of it. I do want her to grow up and be independant.

Who said teenagers where easy lied LOL!!!!!!

OP posts:

RubysReturn · 15/09/2009 16:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HarlotOTara · 15/09/2009 16:05

I can understand your concerns but at 17 I think it would be hard to stop her going if she was determined to go. Parental authority doesn't hold much sway at 17, a young person can leave home at 16 and not be made to return I believe. It is a fine balancing act at this age between letting them spread their wings and keeping them safe (if only!).

Can you compromise on her going elsewhere after proof that she is responsible or something? Not all teenagers are going out getting so pissed they don't know what they are doing, and I am not saying that because I am naive.

minervaitalica · 15/09/2009 16:08

Lol at school trip to Magalluf (how could she think you'd believe that!). Well - I would not pay half, that is for sure!

What if she gets a part-time job around Xmas and funds it herself? You could suggest that if she works hard and gets enough money to go, and if she behaves well in the next 6 months or whatever then she can join her friends. She would have a goal to aim for, so she may surprise you in achieving that. Equally, if she does not manage that, she can only blame herself for not succeeding, as opposed to moaning at you about it!

It's becoming obvious from your posts though that this is a bigger issue than the trip itself with the drinking etc - however, perhaps something like Parentline or the AA may be able to give you better advice on how to deal with this as a whole. Or perhaps there are other places to get help? Anyone?

groundhogs · 15/09/2009 17:09

YANBU, Stick to your guns indeed!

lilysam · 15/09/2009 17:59

I'd not be happy at her being 17 either. I went away when i was 18 after a levels though. I think the fact she tried to disguise it as a school trip does nothing to help her case!

Another point - not sure what the case is at all - but would a travel agent let her book her own holiday at 17??? They may have some sort of age restriction no doubt someone else will be better informed.

DrNortherner · 15/09/2009 18:03

I too was working full time and funded my own holidays aged 17. Because of this I had a good head on my shoulders, but we did have a few girlie holidays involving drink, drugs and sex.......

Not helping really am I?!!!

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