To wish DH had given me a push present...?

[deliakate]

A small part of me feels aggrieved that he didn't. He used to be so generous.......

got to be a wind up. did you get him a "spunk present", just get the fuck over yourself.

The only people I've ever heard of receiving / giving "push presents" have been naff wankers.

(Apols to all naff wankers on this thread)

I got a six pack of probiotics from DH. Love is protecting your wife's gut flora.

I can't work out why it annoys me so much. I want to believe it's because it represents a patriarchal reinforcement whereby a woman gifts the continuance of the male line and he reciprocates by producing a trinket, reducing the whole thing down to the level of currency, woman does something for man and is duly rewarded. While I think I can argue this, I suspect I'm more annoyed by the fact that it's naff.

I love push presents!

Dd#1 - Diamond pendant

Dd#2 - Diamond cocktail ring

Dd#3 - A new (and bigger!) diamond and platinum engagement ring. He re-proposed too! T'was very romantic.

I don't yhink you are being unreasonable to expect some sort of a thank you gift. Whether it sperkles or not tough depends on the state of your finances. It would be unreasonable to expect a big gift if finances won't stretch at mo.

Maybe you didn't push hard enough.

my husband gave me a gorgeous pair of amethyst? sp earrings after ds1 son it wasnt a push present YUK just a present because he loved me and wanted to do something nice i lost them by the way ,didnt get a thing for ds2 and he doesnt even love me any more sniff

I think a present in a kind of congratulations/cheer you up kind of way is fine, but the idea that your DH should be thanking you for your child is a bit weird.

Whilst my DP wasn't in any physical pain before/during/after the births of our DCs, he certainly experienced the emotional trauma of thinking he was going to lose us and the physical hard work of running around after me (pre-eclampsia) whilst working and looking after a toddler. So, I think we did it together and in no way does he owe me a gift to say thank you for all I supposedly did for him. If anything I had no choice in how I handled it all - it just happened, but he was brilliant in coping with everything and making sure his family was OK.

I'll go now before I make myself sick...

My DH thanked me by making me dinner every day for 3 weeks after I had given birth. He thanked me by taking the baby off me or out so I could get some kip. He thanked me by doing nearly all of the nappy changes when he was at home. He thanked me by making me a gazilion cups of tea when I was feeding etc etc.

I wonder what would have happened if I had demanded a diamond ring?

Well, I probably would have got one, but he would have been gutted and hurt.

I really thought a gift of some sort was the norm...

I got a cartier watch when I had DS...

Given I had an elec. CS, maybe it was a 'too posh to push' present

Mind you, I got bugger all when I had my daughter!!

But why Dizzyclarebear, why would you get a gift? A thank-you? Did you have the baby for him?

I too now want a Slashed Open Present! Perhaps some diamond beads the surgeon could've threaded on as I was sewn up!

Maybe many of us feel a bit weird about the idea of push presents because we're looking at it as a reward/payment for bearing a child, as if the mother is a surrogate rather that a full partner. But often gifts mark a one-off life landmark or achievement - christening, silver wedding anniversary, graduation, etc., and is there a larger life mark than birth of a child? Presents of that nature, when I look at them, do remind me of the occasion they celebrate.

Maybe the idea is that when you are at the end of your tether with that little monster, you can look at your sparkly push present and be reminded of how you felt about it at the time of the birth, and it helps you to grit your teeth and carry on.

I'm expecting a gift - any occasion to buy someone a pressie is a lovely idea.

I think the fact that your DW carried your child for 40 weeks and then laboured for countless hours is a wonderful reason to give her a present. We give each other presents for far weaker reasons i.e birthdays etc.

I would like to add another ffs

I thought a gift was quite normal as well. Might be yet another cultural difference.

DH bought me the sweetest little teacup/teapot combo thingy in really fine porcelain and has made me cups of tea in bed in it since the birth of DS (hehe 5 years ago - only on the weekends now!).

well, showofhands, part thank you, part well done, part presents are great.

Refering to my earlier comment though - I'm expecting first DC and don't think I'll be getting any sparkles as I'm getting a big fridge freezer. Far more practical and probably get more use... (and depressingly, will probably cost DH more to treat me to that than to buy me some earrings)

the only thing im expecting from dp when ds is born is a hug and not expecting me to apologise for the foul language and the breaking of his fingers
i do expect flowers off sombody though just because it would be nice

the term 'push present' makes me want to vomit
you got a baby, and i asume its healthy aswell
thats the only thing you can ask for

Well, yes, a gift to mark a special occasion is not unusual in itself, but the idea that it's the woman's special occasion alone is rather patronising. Or does she give him a sparkley gift too?

And a pretty ring is not enough to help me through the dark days of sleeplessness and tantrums. A big glass of wine is though!

But why do you expect a thank you and a well done? Will you be buying him something as a thank you and a well done because I was under the distinct impression that a baby was something made by both of you not gifted between you.

Nowt wrong with a fridge. Much better than jewellery.

It's not the buying of the gift, that in itself is a lovely thing to do for somebody because you want to do it. It's the level of expectation and strange naffness of look at what a clever little woman you are.

I think the idea is you both get the baby but only one of you actually has to do the work of birth.

Never thought of it as "yuck", so there you go you learn something new everyday.

I've heard of people getting a present (in some cases a diamond eternity ring!), so don't really think it's odd.

I wasn't expecting anything, although a small bouquet of flowers in a vase when I returned home was a nice thought. In the end I also got a bracelet and earrings which rather than being a present for giving birth was rather something to mark the happy occasion. I wear them when we go out for a special meal (not very often I admit) and we always end up talking about how wonderful DS is and how lucky we are to have him (going dewy eyed at the thought!).

Soooo I don't think the OP is being entirely unreasonable, but do think it's something some people have heard about/do, rather than something which is strong tradition in the UK.

Don't really like the name though...