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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish DH had given me a push present...?

326 replies

deliakate · 15/09/2009 13:30

A small part of me feels aggrieved that he didn't. He used to be so generous.......

OP posts:
tatt · 15/09/2009 22:31

It's the term push presnt that does it (sick emoticon).

There used to be a tradition that your husband bought you soemthing in the jewellry line when you gave birth. They get a "proof of affection", you get a nice gift .

I was a bit aggreived that I didn't even get a bunch of flowers or a box of chocolates.

BikeRunSki · 15/09/2009 22:35

Isn't an eternity ring more traditional?

UnquietDad · 15/09/2009 22:36

I can't believe you are all on about getting presents. Is that all you think about when you've just had a baby??

babyicebean · 15/09/2009 22:37

I got nothing at all, not even a thank you or a well done.Mum bought him a bacon sandwich with the first and didn't get me one.

Most of the other mums on the ward had flowers, chocolates, fluffy stuff and general bits and bobs from hubbys and other people.

UnquietDad · 15/09/2009 22:41

I got DW some flowers, but that was more of a token thing. She made no noises about expecting anything. If she had thrown a strop because she expected a £500 eternity ring or some expensive "push present", I'd have told her where she could push it, frankly. Thankfully I'm not married to that kind of woman!

babyicebean · 15/09/2009 22:48

Think I was more narked about the bacon sandwich as I had been trying to deliver the child for a goodly while before they had me in theatre and the slice of toast they handed me was not very nice.

A bacon sandwich would have been great as mum gave it to him while they admired they child.

I want a bacon sandwich!!!!!!!

Getting nothing was a blessing in the end as we were an emergency transfer to another hospital early in the morning so packing up the stuff would have been fun.

tatt · 15/09/2009 22:49

when you've just had a baby you are usually thinking what a total a your husband is and how you never what to go through that again. So no you aren't thinking about gifts. That waits until you get back to the ward and see some men do actually think about their wives.

mumeeee · 15/09/2009 22:50

YABU.I've had 3 children and did not expect my Dh to give me a present.

mumeeee · 15/09/2009 22:51

Oh yes he did by me flowers,

dizzymare · 15/09/2009 22:56

Do you get an extra gift if you've shit yourself during the labour

AngelaCarleen · 15/09/2009 23:14

I think there's a bonus on top of the £100 an hour for that dizzy , extra if it lands on the midwifes shoe !

hambler · 15/09/2009 23:19

I got a three cheese and onion sandwich from the petrol station.
It was the best sandwich I have ever tasted

womblingfree · 15/09/2009 23:21

Not unless you count the donut with a candle in that he bought into the maternity ward when I was still there a week later on my own birthday.

Mind you, I did get a fantastic belated birthday pressie of a home visit from a masseur when DD was a few weeks old - with DH on all night and following morning feeding duty and me tucked up in bed with earplugs !

seeker · 15/09/2009 23:22

Do people seriously use this term? They can't possibly, can they? It's too awful - I've never heard it before.

Dp gave me a little trinket with each of ours, but only because he was so overwhelmed by the experience he had to do something! I didn't expect it, and wouldn't have given it a first, never mind a second, thought if he hadn't.

But I did expect him to be awe struck and loving and attentive and doting and worship at my feet for being so amazing and cook me delicious meals while i sat on the sofa with my feet up feeding the baby and "recovering" - which he duly did. I would have been very miffed if he hadn't done that lot!

cathcat · 15/09/2009 23:30

I did get an nice sparkly present a few weeks after DC2. I accused my DH of
(a) having an affair
(b) money laundering

BlameItOnTheBoogie · 15/09/2009 23:35

I don't think it's weird! I and all my friends got an eternity ring after having baby number 1. I got a diamond necklace after dd2. My SIL gets a 'giving birth-day' present 3 times a year!

pruneplus2 · 15/09/2009 23:52

Haha, what an awful term - its up there with Baby Showers and Babymoon. Blaargh.

My (now ex) DH had a bottle of Champagne and some pate and Stilton and crackers waiting when I got home from 5 days in hospital having DC1. He did everything from cooking to cleaning to night feeds for weeks.

DC2, was born at 0300 (got into hospital at 2300), docs were happy to discharge us at 1200 and the same (now ex) DH took us home and fucked off to work "to catch up" (?????), returning at 1900 claiming he was knackered and going to bed leaving me to deal with newborn and now toddling DC1.

Not a fucking diamond in sight either time, lol. I reckon it would have made things much easier - I could have sold the damn things for a start to pay for the bloody subsequent divorce (I hasten to add it wasnt lack of sparklers or distinct lack of support with DC2 that decided the divorce!)

My Mum got it right - she came along with lots of Body Shop goodies, nice coffee, chocolate, wine and other stuff she knew I loved for me saying "I know everyone buys everything for the baby in the first few days, but you have done so well too, you also deserve a few treats" It meant the world to me.

xxx

seeker · 15/09/2009 23:53

I don't think it's weird to get a present. I do think it's weird to call it a "push present" and to expect it!

sillysalley · 15/09/2009 23:56

Totally agree with seeker

legspinner · 16/09/2009 04:29

Horrible term, "push present". Can't stand it!

I did get some edibles / drinkables whilst in hospital which was nice - including a 6-pack of stout "to help with feeding" from a GP friend of ours! Also my work clubbed together and brought me some lovely earrings before I went on leave to have the DTs - one for each baby I guess :-)and also some earplugs (again one for each baby...) I didn't expect that at all but it was lovely

Agree with seeker. Lovely to get presents, but isn't it better if you don't expect them?

tinkerbellesmuse · 16/09/2009 06:13

Gotta say it again I am amazed by how much people are revolted/outraged/disgusted by the idea of a receiving a gift.

TBH I can't remember thinking to deeply about why I was given the gifts beyond it was a celebration of a momentous occasion in our lives. DH gave them to me and I went "wow - big sparkly diamonds. Thanks". Now I realise I should probably have indulged in much hand ringing contemplation about whether I was participating in a darkly inappropriate capitalist patriarchal hell or DH was infantilising me. Ho hum.

DD loves my diamond ring and I tell her it was bought in celebration of her life and how much daddy loves me and her. One day I will give it to her and I hope she treasures it as much as I do.

nooka · 16/09/2009 06:25

Eternity rings aren't traditionally meant to be given at any time, they are just a style of ring where the stones go right around the ring. They can be used for engagement or wedding rings, but I always thought that they were gifts for long marriages - ie 10 or 20 year anniversaries, or when you want to reaffirm your vows.

Having babies is so expensive it doesn't seem a very sensible idea to me to be splashing out on something so non functional as a ring.

dh looked after me beautifully for a fortnight with each of mine, and during the pregnancies, and whilst I was breastfeeding too, which was lovely. The best gifts were books and food and big pants and pads when I was in hospital as I had a c-section instead of our planned home birth, so was very unprepared.

Presents are of course always lovely, but the demand aspect feels wrong, the name is very yuk (and I'd be another gash gift besides) and the concept does feel iffy. The only thing I woudl really have liked after ds was born would have been for dh to carry dd (second born) .

CommonNortherner · 16/09/2009 07:48

I just think the term is ridiculous, it doesn't actually affect me on an emotional level! LOL!

However I do question the whole "sparkly" term ffs, it's the princess-ifying of grown women

TheApprentice · 16/09/2009 08:06

I've never heard that term "push present" before, but DH did buy me jewellery after the birth of both our sons. I wouldnt have expected it, but DH was under the impression that was you were supposed to do, and I wasnt going to complain about that!

Ds was born by emergency section, and it had been quite a traumatic couple of days before that. The next day Dh presented me with a matching necklace and bracelet (not diamonds!). He said he was going to save the bracelet for my birthday but that I'd had such a hard time he thought he would give me both. I didnt see that as at all patronising btw, but was very touched that he appreciated it had been tough.

Now my mother, OTOH, had four children and was not presented with so much as a flower after her births from my father. Move on 25 years and , when recovering from a hysterectomy, Dad gave her a big bouquet..... as she says, there's a message in there somewhere!

dal21 · 16/09/2009 08:08

Am loving this thread!

Shonaspurtle - your savoy cabbage made me laugh out loud! reminds me when I sent DH off to buy a savoy cabbage, poor man looked most surprised at my request.

Unquietdad - no, presents were the last thing on my mind. More pressing on my mind was the fact that I had a newborn to look after along with the massive cut that had been made in my stomach, engorged breasts and trying to get breastfeeding started. I didnt demand a thing from DH, but the fact that he got me an eternity ring was absolutely lovely. Would I have loved him any less if he hadnt? Not one bit. This is not the stuff that makes or breaks a marriage. But did it bring a smile to my face at the time? Absolutely! And it continues to do so when I put it on every morning! And I do believe that my DH is very glad he is married to me, or as you so eloquently put it 'that kind of woman' So each to their own I say!

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