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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish DH had given me a push present...?

326 replies

deliakate · 15/09/2009 13:30

A small part of me feels aggrieved that he didn't. He used to be so generous.......

OP posts:
naughtymummy · 15/09/2009 20:44

I hate presents and diamonds for that mater. Why would you object? How lovely for the MNers whose the DPs who did. I am sadly not one of their number oh well maybe third time lucky..... Having said that DH bought curtains for the living room and paid for DS to go to nursery 3 days a week whilst I was on maternity leave with DD. Probrably better than diamonds but both would have been nice. How old is your DC delikate ? maybe he still will.

GreenMonkies · 15/09/2009 20:47

Well, traditionally a DH gives his DW an eternity ring when she presents him with their first child, so I guess this is the origin of the "Push Present". Not sure what you are supposed to get for Baby#2 though!

My "Push Present" was my baby, and I never expected anything else to be honest!

thebody · 15/09/2009 20:58

My eldest son is 20 today and when I had him after an awful labour with forceps and dozens of stitches my dh got me an air cushin to sit on.. no flowers or chocs... practical but ffs...still tease the b.....d about it even now....

fiercebadrabbit · 15/09/2009 21:01

The most materialistic person I know (banker's wife) emailed me when dd1 was born to inform me of the concept of push presents and to make sure I stood up for my rights and held out for at least an eternity ring.

Four years and another dd later I'm still waiting

redsky · 15/09/2009 21:04

I would have loved some kind of recognition for the ghastliness of pregnancy and chidlbirth. It is just one of the many resentments that continue to irk me. We have been married 28 years.

sarahken · 15/09/2009 21:10

Ha ha, love it. I thought you were meant to get a diamond eternity ring on the birth of your first child. We weren't married at the time of birth of my first son but I did get diamond earrings instead and I got a bottle of perfume off my ds when I had my daughter (bought by daddy!). So I suppose I've had slashed open presents both time

thesecondcoming · 15/09/2009 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SolidGoldBrass · 15/09/2009 21:12

I remember being quite surprised and pleased at getting flowers from friends and workmates when DS was born and, on his first Christmas, my mum gave me a necklace 'from' DS, engraved with his name and the date.
Perhaps because I am single and DS dad wasn't around during the PG or the birth, I never got hung up on the concept of 'reward-for-birthing' though I am/was vaguely aware of the associated patriarchal traditions. But I don't see anything much wrong with buying people celebratory presents, really.

WidowWadman · 15/09/2009 21:13

redsky - why does the recognition need to come with a price tag? The bloke put up with me during pregnancy and birth, and that's present enough for me.

AngelaCarleen · 15/09/2009 21:22

Don't like the term push present [vomit emoticon].

My friends told DH that I should get an eternity ring, and its £100 per hour BTW . I don't want him to waste money on something that spensive, but a small pressie would be nice, just 'cos I like getting spoiled [wink). Not to say thank you, or well done, but just because becoming parents is a big thing (am planning on getting him nice bottle of whisky from the baby BTW).

IsItMeOr · 15/09/2009 21:29

Angela - is that per hour of pushing, of labour, or pregnancy? If you're not going to bankrupt him, perhaps labour would do it?

cheesesarnie · 15/09/2009 21:31

i got huge sanitary towels as a present.so romantic

my 'reward' for having our 3dc was 3 tiny perfect babies.

theagedparent · 15/09/2009 21:32

All I got was a shish kebab.

AngelaCarleen · 15/09/2009 21:33

I think its per hour of labour , although maybe those people who are really grabby could charge for every hour over 40 weeks? Did already let him off the hook. Not too keen on eternity rings and I hardly ever have my wedding/engagement rings on as can't wear them at work . Doesn't everyone like getting little pressies now and again?

redsky · 15/09/2009 21:35

you are quite right wm to say it shouldn't come with a price tag, but I have always felt unloved, as if I was just a marriageable partner rather than the love of his life - it is my attitude that is wrong, not his.

WidowWadman · 15/09/2009 21:38

redsky - feeling unloved is an entirely different kettle of fish, and I'd be narked if I didn't feel appreciated.

As it was, the bloke even went to antenatal class on his own when I was too ill to attend, little things like that mean more to me than any presents.

dogonpoints · 15/09/2009 21:42

I got a big bunch of red roses for each dd. I liked it. I thought it was a lovely gesture. I like lovely gestures.

shonaspurtle · 15/09/2009 21:43

I got a savoy cabbage.

(well, that was the first thing dh bought me after ds was born. Less a push present, more a jeez-your-norks-are-bigger-than-your-head present)

hanaboo · 15/09/2009 21:56

i got one (a baby cherub pendant)and was totally surprised to receive it! (this is from the same man who, two hours after i'd given birth, having asked him to tidy my things and put stuff back into my hospital bag, informed me shouted at me that he was tired and didn't i realise he'd been up all night here with me!)LOL i had to laugh!

but until today i had no idea it had a name! and actually i like the name... its funny!
£100 per hour you say? i'm now feeling jealous (for the first time)of my bff's labour, worth £4800!

i also think people have been a little bit hard on the op, maybe shes just given birth and is feeling a bit fragile? i like the concept of a present and i don't see it as a reward.

hanaboo · 15/09/2009 21:58

aww i put a space in the middle of my strike out words lol, well u all get what i mean

morocco · 15/09/2009 22:21

I bought myself a kenwood mixer as my reward to me for dd's birth

does that count?

zazen · 15/09/2009 22:25

I'm thinking that peops have been a bit hard on the OP.

You know how very sensitive we are at that time? Give her a break

I'm also in the slashed open crash section present brigade, after three days labour following an induction and augmentation - and my DH did appreciate my labours - he presented me with earrings after 9 months of torturous breastfeeding (DD self-weaned).

So as my 'bonus' I 'got' one earring for pregnancy and being slashed open, and one earring for almost constant mastitis and blocked ducts, leaky boobs and even after a shower, stinking like a dairy (Avent shields overflows)!

I really love my earrings, I'm very happy when I wear them, and they are going to my DD in my will, as we share a birth stone.

I hope the OP is feeling better appreciated soon, but I don't think you are being too unreasonable - it's a helluva laborious thing to do after all.

feralgirl · 15/09/2009 22:26

I got a nasty salad and a pair of tracksuit trousers from Sainsburys. DH did give me his (worn) socks though coz I'd forgotten to put any on as we were leaving the house.

LittleWhiteWolf · 15/09/2009 22:26

DH bought me an eternity ring for the birth of DD 9 1/2 weeks ago and I was very grateful. He'd wanted to buy me the 18 carat ring, but I argued him down to the 9 carat which was £100 cheaper. We were having a baby after all!
To be honest, I didnt argue about receiving the ring, mainly because I inherited my wedding and engagement rings from my great-nan so he never bought me anything to propose to me and he felt awkward about that. So I graciously accepted the eternity ring, which I LOVE!
I've told him I'll take a bunch of flowers next time and thats that!

Quattrocento · 15/09/2009 22:29

That's a disgusting term.

I did hope this was another of those everlasting threads about prams.