to think it's high time somebody started an "I'm an imperfect mother" thread on here? Jeeez the number of perfectly perfect mums on here atm is quite scary

[emkana]

Okay I'll start

I'm not a perfect mother because

I lose my temper
I let them watch x factor and the cube on a Saturday night, and don't even read them a bedtime story after
I've taken them out of school for holidays

Always a good one to tell the grandkids

Emkana, I second what Shiney said, don't go! Quite a few of us took it as you intended it to be.

I sometimes wonder whatever would that man do if he somehow, by miraculous means, came across that thread.

I think his head would explode

And pickyvic, sweetkitty is a lovely MNer whom I have "known" on here for a long time, so yes I did defend her on that thread because the responses she got were too harsh. You can tell somebody that they should have acted differently in a supportive way.

I was on the thread that (I think) inspired this thread. I did tell the poster that I thought she had been unreasonable.

I am in no way a 'perfect parent'- I get bored and irritable at times too. But I realise that it's my problem, and I try treat them with love and respect.

I do think we owe it to our LO's to show them we are interested in them and encourage them to thrive in every way. As someone (noddy I think) already mentioned, this is supposed to be the time of their lives.

no emkana dont go, sorry if i got it all wrong-

ill get me coat. im sure i had a real life somewhere round here anyway....could be a good idea to go and find it again.

pickyvic, x post. Never mind.

mrsruffalo, I think the majority of parents try to treat their children with love and respect, I certainly do. What we post on here is only a tiny glimpse of what our lives with our families are like, so I think we should all be cautious with statements along the lines of "poor little girl" or "you have broken her trust". (not that you wrote either)

well thank god hardcrack had the courage to point out that some of these behaviours are actually just a shitty way to treat a person. i was reading it like this . and i am, for the record, a dangerously cavalier parent.

I agree emkana, sweet kitty is a lovely lovely MNer whom I admire and respect.
But I don't think by expressing my opinion that she had been overly harsh in punishing her daughter means I was portraying myself as a perfect parent either.

no i didnt write anything on that thread - i just read it. i didnt contribute at all.

anyway im a relative newbie to mumsnet and it obviously shows. i will keep my opinions to myself in future just like everyone else on MN does.

bye for now.

picky don't go anywhere, i like your posts. and yours emkana. (apart from this one, prolly. )

pickyvic you must be a newbie if you think people here keep their opinions to themselves.

aitch -

These threads do start off innocently enough- I don't think that many of these confessions are anything to worry about- but I do feel we need to comment on certain behaviour. For eg not being able to get the kids to school because of a hangover, calling then names, letting them watch 4 hours of TV on a regular basis etc is wrong and needs addressing

agree with you there mrsr

sycamoretreesville i am going to steal your ' i am a person too' line

It's yours

See this went south pretty quick!
Shame it was funny to start with,

Oh dear.

I see the inevitable happened.

Same sentiment as OrmIrian.

I guess on mn there is imperfect and there is imperfect.

This thread soon made me feel really ed, some of the stuff i do like,

*snap when i'm tired. BUT feel awful when i do.
*I have said for FFS and called ds spoilt under my breath. He's not even two yet.
*Given him porridge and banana for his dinner or toast when i've been out all day and have been too tired to cook when we get home.
*Let him watch milkshake whilst i doze on the sofa when i'm exhausted (pregnant).
*bribed him with fig rolls and digestives so that i can change his nappy (he thinks they are sweets)

But i don't swear AT him, get really drunk on a regular basis whilst he's in my care.
Smoke whilst pregnant.
Ignore him. He's perfectly happy to entertain himself, but if he wants me i will usually abandon what i'm doing to play with him etc.

I am no way anywhere near perfect but i try hard to make my son feel happy and safe and loved. Sure i shout but only when i'm my wits end and repetitive, 'don't do that', 'don't touch', 'No that's naughty!' don't work and the a short sharp shock of a raised voice usually works and he stops what he's doing.

There is a big difference between being too lazy to cook and having cereal for dinner, to swearing at your child for spilling food.

If you partner, friend, work colleague or mum spilled some food on the floor you wouldn't yell and swear at them, would you. So why do that to a small child for a small act of clumsiness? Why should a child be treated with less fundemantal respect than anyone else you know?

Loathe this kind of behaviour. Sticks and stones won't break my bones - rubbish. Being spoken to like this on a daily basis does affect you. I was battered on a regular basis as a child, also called all the names under the sun. The fact that I was beaten has been easier to get over than the fact that I was spoken to as if I was the scum of the earth. Those words stay with you forever.

And it's a short hop from little shit, to idiot, to twat, to f**ing moron, to bastard, to C**nt.

Some of the posts on this thread made me angry last night. Be nice to your kids ffs.

Agreed GOM. Threads like this are invaluable to restore some balance to Mumsnet piety. However, some people have used this thread to reinforce bad parenting. Having read the other thread, i understand MRs.Ruffelo's post and agree, that to criticise one poster is not to automatically infer that you are a better parent. I really don't think that either POV should be a catalyst for leaving.

and the trouble with a thread like this and the whole perfect parent accusation is that it validates terrible behaviour.

It is like people who have affairs who then say "well everyone does it" to avoid examining their own actions.

I know this thread was a joke and some of the comments were .
But people piling on to laugh about how screaming at the their child everyday is just not being perfect - as if anyone who doesn't behave like that is just an uptight prissy goody goody made me sad.

The "perfect parent" thing has become a real irritation to me. If someone says " I locked my child in her room for three hours and called her a shit" and I say " that isn't on - think how terrible that is for such a little one" that does not imply that I never do anything wrong in my parenting. It means that the OP needs to take a deep breath and consider what circumstances, what choices and pressures, brought her to a point where she did that.
If I come to MN to raise a question then I want honest answers. And if I already know my beahviour was too much or wrong then it is usually there in the OP.
If anyone posts to ask trhen they deserve an honest reply.

I will never understand why anyone would routinely treaty their child as an annoyance and shout and swear at them. Never.
I have sworn in front of my DCs. I have sworn at them very very rarely and it was always followed by an apology and feeling terrible . I haven't done that probably for ten years. I wonder if all the shouting swearing angry parents will be horrified when they suddenly realise they have shouting angry swearing teenagers. We teach them how to behave.

Of course none of us are perfect in any way. But I don't see trying to be the best parent you can as bad. And i don't glory in my mistakes. We should be aiming to be better shouldn't we?

Are chocolate brioches not considered "proper breakfast"? Shit!

I gave my dc cereal after school on Friday because I just couldn't be bothered to cook and the baby had colic again.