to think it's high time somebody started an "I'm an imperfect mother" thread on here? Jeeez the number of perfectly perfect mums on here atm is quite scary

[emkana]

Okay I'll start

I'm not a perfect mother because

I lose my temper
I let them watch x factor and the cube on a Saturday night, and don't even read them a bedtime story after
I've taken them out of school for holidays

No You only get points if you abuse your children. Unless of course your DP is underage? In which case you get double points ...

Did a quick straw poll of parent friends this evening and couldn't find anyone who would admit to calling their child a shit, a fucking bitch, or indeed bribing them to lie to their teachers about their mother's hangover.

So yes, in my circle of friends it seems that sort of thing is not only rare, but non existent.
Gosh, we have enough halos to perform our very own mumsnet nativity this Christmas.

Oddly enough, most people I know in RL have sworn in front of, or sometimes at, their DC.

We obviously move in different circles.

actually no, I've got to get this out.

Can I just reiterate that I've never sworn at my children and never would. But I do shout, which some of you seem to say is just as bad. Can I ask whether you think that a different in temperament is not to be taken into consideration, cf. my earlier post re being a sulker vs being a shouter. What is worse. Also, does it make a difference how old your children are, how many you have, what your circumstances are, how much time you spend with them. So, to take it to extremes, can the SAHM with three children one of them with SN, all still young, be cut some slack for losing her temper sometimes, while the WOHM who sees her only child of over 10 years of age for just two hours a day cannot.

Am genuinely interested, please don't jump on me.

Emkana, have already said that I am a shouter.
I was a shouter as a SAHM and still am as a Part time WOHM (although I do work from home, but boys aren't here).
I try not to, I really do. But they ignore me, even if I do the stern face deep voice thing. I don't shout all the time or even every day, sometimes it can be weeks before I need to shout. I don't ever swear though, I don't actually know why. It is a bit scary because if I have the presence of mind not to swear, I should have the self-discipline not to shout.
I have two NT boys, aged 5 and 3.

I know I am not perfect, I truly do.

HarryB I have just choked on my tea. You rascal.

Jeez, Harry, I told my SIL for saying "fart" in front of 3mth old DS1

OK, a bit too far the other way.......

ha HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!Harry

...reminds me of a friend of mine, playing with his gf's sister's 1yo twins' farm, holding up the cow and repeating "MUM-meee! MUM-meee!"

OMG Harry that made me LOL!

They do say they take it all in at that stage, don't they.

If I could turn back time, I too would dream up some propaganda campaigns to chant to the DC. Maybe I could do it while they are asleep?

In my defence, I have only done it when she's REALLY pissed me off and always in a sing song voice, plus, before I'm judged, I wouldn't dare do it if I thought for a second that he could understand me - the chant does have a shelf life. It's just a little release every now and then.

At tea time at least one of my dds (6)invariably knocks a glass of juice over, usually cos of fighting or other horseplay...it drives me nutty cos the dogs walk thro it, everything gets sticky etc etc...this evening I did a quick poll on them both ie-if you knock your juice over, which would you rather I did, mutter "for fuckssake" under my breath, or shout "oh god not again, I've told you about that already etc etc" (I do either of these depending on my mood)

DD says, larffing "I'd rather you just said oh dearie me, I'll just go and fetch my mop"

...they and I know that this will never, ever happen

shiney - that's not a grey area at all, it is v v poor parenting.

then again DS yesterday while mum was looking after him sqirted some of his milk over her leg and promptly turned around and said 'don't worry nanna it will dry' oh the shame when I got in from the gym and told me (it's what I say to him when we spill water in the house)

When DD knocks her juice over I say, "oh never mind sweetheart, I'll just mop it up. Try and keep it up by the top of your plate not by the edge of the table."

She's 4. The look on her face when she knocks something over would break your heart. How I could conceivably shout at her or FFS her at that point, I have no idea.

Harry - that's gross. Really gross.

As for the person who was defending the 'f**&ing bitch' comment to the child, what the hell is your problem?? Why would that even come to your mind to say that no matter what a bad day you're having? Its not something that would ever occur to me to say to my dd. Surely you have to be a really weird person to even think/feel (and then to voice!) that your child is a bitch?

I must hide this thread its making me want to report some posters to social services.

And no I don't have a halo, I just don't like children being emotionally abused and swearing at your child is, as far as I'm concerned, emotionally abusing them. Flame me, I'll cope.

My twins leave trail of destruction wherever they go. And laugh mercilessly.

..please can I be considered as a Special Case??

Yeah, I really do. But then I've only started giving her an open beaker at mealtimes in the last month or so...so maybe check how I'm dealing with it in 6 months time if it's still getting spilt every mealtime

I don't shout either, just because m

My dad used to an it would actually make my heart race with fear. I have inherited his temper so I see it as my biggest challenge of motherhood to control it.

Having children has been brilliant for me in that regard. I don't shout at DH at all either...and I really used to. I mean, I've slung boots across the room before now and felled framed artwork from our walls in one fell swoop during arguments pre-children.

Not wanting them to feel how I felt when he came thundering up the stairs in a rage has been a major driving force in my busting arse not to repeat the cycle.

I loved him very much, he was a fantastic dad, but he could evoke proper fear and I actually don't think that's healthy. My mum controlled our behaviour much better with a kind of clear boundary setting and unconditional love. She also always seemed to expect we'd make good decisions. I really liked that...so I always tried to.