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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it's high time somebody started an "I'm an imperfect mother" thread on here? Jeeez the number of perfectly perfect mums on here atm is quite scary

565 replies

emkana · 12/09/2009 23:32

Okay I'll start

I'm not a perfect mother because

I lose my temper
I let them watch x factor and the cube on a Saturday night, and don't even read them a bedtime story after
I've taken them out of school for holidays

OP posts:
GetOrfMoiLand · 14/09/2009 19:40

I swear in front of dd. I don't swear at her. That's the difference.

TwoIfBySea · 14/09/2009 19:49

I'm imperfect in every way. I had to ignore a thread earlier because I had been misconstrued (sp? see, can't even do that) and it was pi$$ing me off. I can't seem to do anything right at the moment, not one single thing!

DeFluffMyFanjo · 14/09/2009 19:50

Some things aren't important to me, so dd occasionally has rubbish food if we're out, I don't care re fruit shoots / sausage rolls etc. If we're both tired sometimes we leave her bath till the next night. If I'm tired / need to get work done then she watches a dvd.

Some things are important to me - I would never swear at her, try never to shout at her (I use raised voice if needs be, no shouting though), would never dream of calling her stupid.

She is told how loved she is 100x a day and cuddled and kissed all the time.

Some things are ok to be 'slummy' about, swearing at your children or not taking them to school because you have a hangover are disgusting. I'm judging? Good, I think if we had more judging over that kind of stuff we'd have less unhappy children. Makes me feel ill just thinking about calling a child stupid.

WhingeBobShitPants · 14/09/2009 19:53

the thing I don't like about these threads is that they encourage a sort of "never mind, we all do it" cameraderie - which is all very well as long as we are talking about sausage rolls

but when smackers and people who call their mchildren idiots and scream swear words at them come on and try to join in under the same umbrella -

well we DON'T all do it, and neither should you

StewieGriffinsMom · 14/09/2009 19:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

hatesponge · 14/09/2009 20:08

OK, it's probably not Boden. Most expensive 'school run' clothes look the same to me, I only recognise ones from shops I frequent, like Asda or Primark.

I live in a middle class area. It is full of wealthy competitive parents trying to raise the perfect child. The point I was inexpertly making is simply that not swearing at your child doesn't mean said child doesn't curse like a navvy when out of earshot. Or that if you swear at your child, it will have an appalling and irrevocable effect.

My children are 8 & 11 btw. They are not babies, and when they were they rarely heard me swear, probably because I found them much easier to deal with then

warthog · 14/09/2009 20:09

shineoncrazydiamond, that is a rather clear-cut case of reasonable judgment!

i'm talking about small things like froot shoots and greggs friggin sausage rolls. it's these small nit-picky things that yield this i'm-greater-than-you-my-kids-are-making-broccoli-cakes-right-now attitude. it's wearing.

hatesponge · 14/09/2009 20:11

I'm not sure anyone on this thread has said they hit their children.

I am happy to be corrected.

WhingeBobShitPants · 14/09/2009 20:15

pingapenguin did at 12.02

but the point is people bring things onto threads like these which are way beyond the rough end of normal, and the message of the threads is "never mind, we all do it"

which is a bit dodgy IMO

StewieGriffinsMom · 14/09/2009 20:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

WhingeBobShitPants · 14/09/2009 20:21

"people" are talking in terms of parenting blunders which are considerably more egregrious than giving a fruit shoot - of which smacking, calling children idiots and screaming "ffs" are all examples - gaining a degree of undeserved acceptability by being posted in the spirit of this thread

it's not complicated

RumourOfAHurricane · 14/09/2009 20:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

KIMItheThreadSlayer · 14/09/2009 20:29

When my children are naughty (and from a young age) I have threatened them with the following....

I am going to sell you to the gypsy's for 50p and some clothes pegs... and I really need the clothes pegs!!!!

noddyholder · 14/09/2009 20:35

It is sad to see this sort of camaraderie for what is essentially abusive damaging behaviour.And even sadder that people who never smack or swear and feed their kids certain foods are open to ridicule.No wonder this country is full of sad and dysfunctional people.

hatesponge · 14/09/2009 20:36

Have just re-read Pinga's post. She said that she has on very pushed occasions smacked bottoms. Not that she beats her children regularly.

The only one who has said they scream FFS is me. I don't do it on a loop, or every day. But to put it in context, my children have to catch a bus at 7.25am. The walk to the bus stop takes 5 mins, 2-3 if they run. If they miss the bus, they are late for school. I do not want them to get into trouble at school, or be late. If it is 7.20am, and after 10 or so warnings that they need to be ready to leave, they are still faffing around, no shoes or coats on, then I will shout. And if by 7.23am they have still not left,I will shout or indeed scream 'FFS will you please go now you are going to be late' or words to that effect.

At which point they will, finally, leave.

WhingeBobShitPants · 14/09/2009 20:40

I didn't mention beating either, I said smacking - and screaming the f-word AT children, and calling them stupid/idiots. I haven't criticised anything that hasn't beren admitted to on the thread.

Those things are not just sloppy parenting, they are bloody awful and damaging, and have no place being laughed along with on a cameraderie thread about parental corner-cutting

HerBeatitude · 14/09/2009 20:40

Hmm I'm not sure if it's not "normal" to swear at your kids tbh. Lots and lots of people in this country swear as a matter of course as part of their normal language and they don't even notice they're doing it. So they swear at their kids as well, not necessarily in an abusive fashion. It may be very difficult for some of you to believe that swearing at your DC's can ever be not an abusive thing to do, but I'm sorry, not everyone in this country sees swearing as something which is beyond the pale. You might not like hearing it in public, but I'm a bit uncomfortable with declaring that the way someone speaks, is shit parenting. For me, that falls into the category of fruit shoots and Greggs. It's different if the swearing is aggressive and abusive, but if it's just the normal way someone talks, OK I don't like it much but I don't think it's right to say it's shit parenting.

WhingeBobShitPants · 14/09/2009 20:41

are you saying that you have to use that kind of language to get them out of the door? Why? I don't buy it I'm afraid. It's a vile thing to do and you should be aware of how vile it is. Sorry.

noddyholder · 14/09/2009 20:43

Get up 5 mins earlier if thats all it takes it should be easy

pingapengin · 14/09/2009 20:43

Yes i said i have on occasions i have smacked my kids bottoms.

Once when my younset tried to put her dolly in the plug socket and once when my eldest pushed her sister down the stairs.

So shoot me.

hatesponge · 14/09/2009 20:43

I think most dysfunctional people - certainly any I have ever come across - come from families where they were constantly ignored, or never felt loved. Not where on occasion, their parents might let out a swear word, or do some shouting.

WhingeBobShitPants · 14/09/2009 20:45

I don't want to shoot you (I don't solve my problems with physical violence ), I just don't think admissions of serious thing like smacking/screaming "ffs"/calling your child an idiot belong on a light-hearted thread about making minor blunders and cutting corners

Jude68 · 14/09/2009 20:48

Well I'm surely headed foe eternal hell and damnation.
I've hit and swore at my 2.5 yr old. I am not however remotely proud of it...quite the opposite.
The particular day (after yet another sleepless night with my youngest) my DD had a huge fit because I'd taken her dirty dummy off her and replaced it with a clean one. We were just about to leave the house. She hurled the dummy across the hall and was screaming for the dirty one. We were short of time so I bunged her in the pushchair where she screamed and writhed about all the way to the bus stop. I lost it and pulled her out, smacked her bum and said "FFS stop it stop it STOP IT NOW!"
I've also sworn when she's deliberately thrown her cereal round the room.

NoahAmin · 14/09/2009 20:49

i do HATE swearing to kids.

pingapengin · 14/09/2009 20:51

Why not?

I know that i sometimes i feel bad for losing my temper or not doing things that are not ideal, yep sometimes giving them to much crap to eat/not enough veggies/too much tv allthe things which are frowned upon.

Things that are drummed into us that make our kids dysfunctional drug taking/knife weilding personality disorderd types.

Its nice to share our imperfections.

I dont agree with some of them, but IMHO it seems that some of the responses are very OTT.