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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset that ds expensive prep school are being difficult because I have to rush off to work in the morning

118 replies

lupo · 09/09/2009 19:53

To cut a long story short I have scrimped and saved for ds to go to local prep school which seems lovely. I do need to work to cover the fees though. The school has this rule where all parents have to help children change for PE one morning a week for the first term, but I cant do this as have to drop and run to get to work. I have explained this to the teacher, but was met with a bit of a short shrift..I could understand if i was a sahm mum but i no longer am. I manage to do pick ups and drop offs but hanging round for pe is just one commitment I literally cant' afford. I know can see if someone can help, another mum prob can but that is not the point. Am i being unreasonable to accept a bit of understanding here or am I being unrealistic to expect it. I know other mums are in the same boat but am surprised at how much it seems to have put the teachers out that they may have to help a few children to change!!
All comments appreciated. Thanks

OP posts:

pasturesnew · 09/09/2009 19:54

No YANBU how do they think people afford their fees in the first place?

Original poster

lupo · 09/09/2009 19:54

To cut a long story short I have scrimped and saved for ds to go to local prep school which seems lovely. I do need to work to cover the fees though. The school has this rule where all parents have to help children change for PE one morning a week for the first term, but I cant do this as have to drop and run to get to work. I have explained this to the teacher, but was met with a bit of a short shrift..I could understand if i was a sahm mum but i no longer am. I manage to do pick ups and drop offs but hanging round for pe is just one commitment I literally cant' afford. I know I can see if someone can help, another mum prob can but that is not the point. Am i being unreasonable to accept a bit of understanding here or am I being unrealistic to expect it. I know other mums are in the same boat but am surprised at how much it seems to have put the teachers out that they may have to help a few children to change!!
All comments appreciated. Thanks

OP posts:

Original poster

lupo · 09/09/2009 19:55

SORRY, so worked up posted twice

OP posts:

pooter · 09/09/2009 19:56

can you send him to school in his pe kit for taht one morning?

pooter · 09/09/2009 19:56

or maybe with his pe kit on under his uniform?

Podrick · 09/09/2009 19:56

Don't worry about it, they're not going to expel your child if you don't help are they?!!

Milliways · 09/09/2009 19:57

YANBU.

You are paying for his place at school, they should be able to provide enough staff to cope with them!

Morloth · 09/09/2009 19:58

Did you know about the rule before committing to the school?

If yes, then YABU. If no, then YANBU.

I am much more demanding of our school than I would perhaps be if I wasn't paying for it. Definitely view myself as a "client" as well as a parent.

Wouldn't be happy with having to hang around to change DS for PE. Would expect the school to sort that out.

Can you put him in his PE kit to start with so he doesn't need to get changed?

Original poster

lupo · 09/09/2009 19:58

Not allowed to send in his PE kit..apparently does not fit with image of the school..they should bloody well help change him then!!! Any other schools do this?

OP posts:

Morloth · 09/09/2009 19:59

Ours doesn't, that is a pretty dumb arrangement IMO.

Kick up a stink.

blowninonabreeze · 09/09/2009 20:00

I'm amazed they haven't had this problem before - I'd have imagined that a significant proportion of the class will have 2 working parents.

I'm sure your fees will be more important than your help so I wouldn't worry -they'll find a way around it

blithedance · 09/09/2009 20:00

That is obviously a school where parents (or mums I guess) don't work! I would just say straight up, you are not available during the mornings. You are a working person just like the teacher is. What are they going to do, fine you?

Or perhaps you could suggest that one of the teachers takes a morning off to cover your job while you're away, or maybe you dock the cost of a half day annual leave from your next bill .

Don't let them run you down, it will be the thin end of the wedge!

BubbaAndBump · 09/09/2009 20:00

Very odd.

That's what you get if you pay for education (!)

WhingeBobShitPants · 09/09/2009 20:00

I don't see the relevance of the fee-paying tbh

there is a thread about exactly this problem in a state primary at the moment

just send him in in his PE kit

traceybath · 09/09/2009 20:01

How very odd of the teacher.

Firstly - one of the skills that children are learning/polishing is dressing/undressing so wouldn't have thought parents should be helping with that in school time.

Secondly - I'm a SAHM with a newborn and a toddler as well as school age child so would not be much help in the classroom - am sure there are therefore quite a few parents who can't make that commitment for whatever reasons.

DS1 is at pre-prep and last year we did have to help them change after swimming on a friday when they went home early. But if you couldn't make it for whatever reaons the teachers/TA's did it.

blithedance · 09/09/2009 20:01

YANBU in the slightest BTW.

hocuspontas · 09/09/2009 20:01

I thought lupo meant it was a rota where parents helped all the children.

LadyMuck · 09/09/2009 20:02

DS1's prep school asks for some parents to help change the boys for swimming for the first term in reception (not for games or PE though), but they would only ever want 3 or 4 parents helping, and certainly wouldn't demand it. Impressed they have so much room for all these parents.

TsarChasm · 09/09/2009 20:02

No yanbu.

What was the short shrift? Were they insisting?

How old are children at prep school? (sorry to be dense)

MadBadandDangerousToKnow · 09/09/2009 20:02

Is the arrangement supposed to be that you help just your child or the whole class? What are the other working parents planning to do?

YANBU to be upset if the teacher was rude to you, but is your job so inflexible that you can't go in late one day and make up the time later?

blithedance · 09/09/2009 20:03

Every week! they are having a laugh.

Satsuma1 · 09/09/2009 20:03

Unfortunately one of the negatives of a fee paying school is that sometimes the staff can be a bit unrealistic.

You are paying your fees and I very much doubt you are the first (or last!) parent to be working and unable to meet this so called requirement.

I would have a word with the Head and explain the situation. I would also say that it's unkind of the teacher to make a point out of this issue and in turn make not only you feel awkward but also your DS.

As already said, you are a client and should be treated as such.

Are you friendly with another parent who could help you out?

colditz · 09/09/2009 20:05

My son's state school manage to take all the class swimming once a week without asking for parental input - I stay with ds1 because he has 'difficulties' but I have been informed that should I need to go, the teachers and assistants will cope just fine!

I would, in no minced words, go mental if a service I was paying for failed to deliver then got snotty about it. It's like going into Cafe Nero, ordering coffee, and being asked to make it yourself. nNt On.

hocuspontas · 09/09/2009 20:06

That's a good point - you could be a reception teacher in another school!

Would your teacher take time off to go to her dd's school and help them get changed for PE?

Original poster

lupo · 09/09/2009 20:08

short shift me: 'Can someone help ds change'. He is 5 btw just started school.

teacher: 'was hoping that someone would be you.After all it was in the newsletter' (had already explained that I had to get to work the day before.

Each parent is expected to help child change..though some do go to breakfast club so guess the teachers help them ...

OP posts:

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