To be upset that ds expensive prep school are being difficult because I have to rush off to work in the morning

[lupo]

To cut a long story short I have scrimped and saved for ds to go to local prep school which seems lovely. I do need to work to cover the fees though. The school has this rule where all parents have to help children change for PE one morning a week for the first term, but I cant do this as have to drop and run to get to work. I have explained this to the teacher, but was met with a bit of a short shrift..I could understand if i was a sahm mum but i no longer am. I manage to do pick ups and drop offs but hanging round for pe is just one commitment I literally cant' afford. I know can see if someone can help, another mum prob can but that is not the point. Am i being unreasonable to accept a bit of understanding here or am I being unrealistic to expect it. I know other mums are in the same boat but am surprised at how much it seems to have put the teachers out that they may have to help a few children to change!!
All comments appreciated. Thanks

YANBU at all!

Our DSs go to Prep schol and as Satsuma1 noted "Unfortunately one of the negatives of a fee paying school is that sometimes the staff can be a bit unrealistic."

Drives me irrationally mad that Prep schools (and we have had several) just assume there is a SAHM (never Dads either) are ready to drop everything to spend hours doing stuff in the school, attending this or that function, making stuff like costmes, buying stuff for raffles, etc. Always right in working hours in the middle of the day or necessitating leaving work early.

I can do it but the assumption do not work is absolutley staggering. How the heck do they think the fees get paid!

As for staying on to help chldren get changed surely sending them in teir kit or even the teachers teaching the chldren to get changed would be an idea.

I am one of those parents who does everything for ds at swimming. I have only 5 minutes available to get him changed before I need to be walking to the car so I can start work on time. What nobody sees is that he has 30 minutes at home to get out of uniform and into civvies and swimmers - and he usually takes it all and I have a cup of tea and read a book and leave him to it.

I think one reason private schools assume there will be a mum with nothing else to do but help at school is because there so often is. Also because parents are pretty committed to the school (as witnessed by the lavish school fees) they are often willing to bend over backwards to accommodate school requests. And also because those parents who do work often have sophisticated childcare like nannies to go in and help in lieu.

Is there a class committee or coffee group or parent's representative? Talk to them, you will find a sympathetic helper.

The one that used to get me was the school fair, which raised £ for the school library. The vast amount of work and stress caused to parents (baking cakes, trawling for raffle prizes etc) when they could have just put an extra £20 on the school fees and it wouldn't have shown at all! (We did get that changed so the money went to a partner school in Africa, who also got leftover uniform/school books/crayons etc. MUCH better vibe).

Well, unless you´ve signed a legally binding contract, what are they going to do?

Is it a rota thing whereby if you don´t do it mothers that can have to do more to make up for you?
If so,doyou have a friend or rellie who could do it?
Or is it each parent for their own child-in wwhich case make sure your son can easily change himself.

Join himinto the breakfast club on PE mornings?

Lupo - what do you mean by short shrift? Did she actually say something or was it just her manner?

There will be many occasions when you will feel that you are expected to be there but can't.

I am sure that the teachers are well aware of this as a possibility/probability. So, if the teacher seemed dismissive, it may just mean that she is totally fine with it IYSWIM.

The difficult bit IMO will be making sure that your DS is OK with you not being there on the occasions when other mums can.

misstheaction - yes! At last, another parent who just thinks an extra £20 a term on the fees is a damn sight easier than the whole raffle, bring and buy, coffee morning, barbecue, nonsense. Its money - add it to the bill!

If the £20 was ring fenced in a pot and the parents then got to make suggestions of on how it was spent or maybe a vote taken by the PTA committee I would be more than happy.

We should start a campaign.

A prep school I know (nursery class) asks them to come in in PE kit once a week and also they go home in in once a week to avoid a couple of changes. No help is aksed from parents - quite unbelievable really. They all managed - despite having a long sleeve blouse and tunic zipping up at the back..............! (for four yr olds)

asked...

What about parents there with other small kids & babys to look after. Does the school expect a mum/dad with other kids to somehow be able to help a whole class of 5yr olds change for gym whilst caring for their other own small kids.

I'm a sahm but wold tell this school to change their policy - if a parent can help the kids why can't the teacher being paid help?????

I have never come across this - they must be mad if they expect you to do this for a whole term. Is there someone higher up you could speak to, it's hardly an unreasonable request. One of the things about prep schools in theory is their smaller class sizes, if the teacher isn't capable of getting a smallish group of children ready for PE then what can they do...it's all part and parcel of teaching a reception class surely. Perhaps you could ask the teacher how they would feel if they had to do this for their child with the consequence of making them late for work!

We have used two prep schools and they have both been endlessly patient with the smalls, helping with everything, and occasionally they came back with their pants or socks on inside out, or shirts back to front but who cares. What do the other parents think of this, also is there a parent's association you could raise it with. Not much help in the short term, but worth a go maybe.

Missing/BetaDad - I will join your campaign!!

Much less stressful than baking.

I can't actually imagine it would work anyway. I would much rather manage a group of kids without their parents fussing and hovering than with. ime if you're not mum or dad and you ask a kid to put their socks/shoes/shorts on they generally do it. if mum or dad is there they suddenly can't find them, need help to do them up/are more interested in chatting to their friends. Ok so I'm not a teacher but I have large groups of children round quite a lot (parties, tea, visting families) and I'd much rather deal with them with the parents out the room. in part because them there's no doubt who's in charge. and it's ME. the thought of a changing room full of kids does kind of fill me with horror. but the thought of a changing room full of kids and their parents (and possibly some attendent babies and toddlers) sounds worse!

Well put colditz.

YANBU

YANBU

sounds like a non confrontational solution would be to put him into breakfast club on PE days? For this first term anyway?

ds is also in reception at a prep school. BUT -they are allowed to go in in PE kit on PE days. Teacher plus TA then manage to help 23 children get changed back into uniform afterwards. No need for one helper per child?

But ds's uniform is all pull on - elasticated waist shorts, polo shirt and sweatshirt. is your uniform more complicated? maybe practice buttons/tie with your ds so that he's pretty independent?

Unless a child has some degree of special needs they should be able to dress and undress themselves quite competently by 4 years old.

Mine had to wear lace up shoes and ties at prep prep, the last 10 minutes of the day was spent teaching this and helping each other, After a week they could all do it.

This is what the local state nursery require for 3 year olds.

Encourage your child to be as independent as possible. It is very helpful if he/she can do these things at home in preparation for the demands of a busy nursery class:

Remove coat and hang it up.
Go to the toilet unaided
Wash and dry hands.
Put on own shoes.
Dress and undress.
Use a tissue to blow own nose.
Tidy and clear away toys.
Share with other children.

sandyball My sister and I call them" coathanger" children, they stand with their arms out waiting to be dressed. As a school nurse she sees it a lot.

My nephew was like this as he had a philipina nanny who did EVERYTHING for him, drying between his toes at 7, and wiping his bottom!

OP I think the school are being put of order. I take lots of little ones to prep and pre prep, none of the mums, childminders or nannies are ever have to stay and help. The girls are expected to do it themselves, some were only 4 in August. It is amusing though when they come out in the first few weeks, you know which days they have had PE, socks on inside out, collars tucked in, tunics askew! They soon learn.

WTF? I'd have been mortified if my mum had had to come in to school to help me change.
There's an expectation at the uber-desirable state primary here for that sort of thing, and it's dealt with like this:
"I'm going to be at work. Your move."
Do it now....don't bother about rocking the boat....you won't be the 1st to do this....they're just trying their luck.

Well he won´t be the only one without his mum, as the "Breakfast Club" mum´s aren´t there.

If you are friendly with a mum that will be there, ask her to keep an eye out.
Not necessarily to help him, but to chat to whilst sorting her own child so that he doesn´t feel completely left out.
(If ther is a danger of that happening).

I thought there would need to be a CRB check?

Hehe ABetaDad and Rorty, DS's school doesn't do fundraising (for the school - we do the harvest and Christmas things with food/money for a local charity) or do baking days or anything like that. I give them the money, drop the boy off (with appropriate kit) and they sort it out - is bliss.

Even our sports day is catered . It is the ultimate school for the lazy parent!

Going to be quite a shock for me next year when he goes to school in Sydney and I have to actually get involved...

My DD1's little village school asked for volunteer parents to help get the kids rallied before/after swimming lessons. I was working and couldn't do it - it was never a problem with any of the staff.

Just ignore this - the school are being idiotic and seem to be stuck in the 1950s.

Talking of unrealistic expectations we did once get asked to build a model of a space shuttle one evening for homework (ie had to be done that evening). This included gluing on dozens of little tiles...

Morloth - is it very expensive? Now that sounds like the sort of service I am expecting and feel better now I know it can be done.

Sandyballs, have you ever heard the phrase "Smug Mothers Of Girls"? I believe it comes from the Times Alpha Mummy column.

YANBU at all. The teacher's reaction sounds v unfair. It's ridiculous to assume that all the mothers don't have to work just because the school is an independent one. Surely, at an independent school, there should be plenty of staff on hand to help. I thought good staff- child ratios were what you pay for at pre prep schools?!

YANBU

my charge is in year 2 at one of the best prep schools in the area.

they all got themselves changed for swimming in reception.

they have rediculouse rules to promote the image of the school, (ie all children wear ties from year 1) all children where blazers to and from school (even when its scorching hot 30C and we are all melting they have to wear their blazers) and boys can only wear shorts (even in the snow)

despite this those who have PE 1st thing in the morning go to school dressed in PE kit!