To be upset that ds expensive prep school are being difficult because I have to rush off to work in the morning

[lupo]

To cut a long story short I have scrimped and saved for ds to go to local prep school which seems lovely. I do need to work to cover the fees though. The school has this rule where all parents have to help children change for PE one morning a week for the first term, but I cant do this as have to drop and run to get to work. I have explained this to the teacher, but was met with a bit of a short shrift..I could understand if i was a sahm mum but i no longer am. I manage to do pick ups and drop offs but hanging round for pe is just one commitment I literally cant' afford. I know can see if someone can help, another mum prob can but that is not the point. Am i being unreasonable to accept a bit of understanding here or am I being unrealistic to expect it. I know other mums are in the same boat but am surprised at how much it seems to have put the teachers out that they may have to help a few children to change!!
All comments appreciated. Thanks

YANBU. but i remember when i looked round our local prepschool and expressed surprise that they didnt have after school club till they were 7 years old i got a similar response.

but on reflection it is because i think they get a lot of people who have the attitude "well i am paying x amount you can look after my kid" as opposed to educate my kid and they are probably doing it because they believe it helps your child adjust to the (quite strange for some children) scenario where they dress/uundress themselves. which only a parent can do.

i am sure thought if you explain the situation they will be understanding, and perhaps even pair with another parent so that he/she can help your dc?

But surely part of preparing for school is learning to dress/undress for PE etc? Or just in general? I have spent time with my dd since she was 4 encouraging her to do things herself, and of course i am there if she needs a hand, but how do they learn otherwise?

Drop him off at breakfast club first, and then make a run for it???

portofino i agree completely with you! but some parents dont see it the way we do, and you would be surprised what they arrive at school unable to do because their parents havent bothered to teach them, and parents do expect teachers to teach them some strange things.

that is completely and utterly nuts. State schools with 30 kids in the class, a higher level of SEN manage without parental input.

Do they have an exceptionally poncy uniform?

Well we both work and couldn't do this. The dc's (prep) school has never asked us to do such a thing though. Fortunately, because we wouldn't have been able to do it.

My experience is that in a class of 30 children there may well be one or two whose motor skills are so slow in developing that they cannot dress themselves at age 4 despite the best efforts of their parents. My ds was one of them and I would have been sorry indeed if his school had taken a dim view of him for something not his fault.

But we're talking about a couple of children at most in your average class, should be well within the scope of the teacher.

Ds goes to private school with the full long socks and garters, tie, proper shirt, wool shorts etc. and they manage to get themselves into PE kit. The boys who can do ties usually help the others. My one concession is those curly shoe laces so he doesn't trip over or spend all break time trying to put his shoes on.

Even if they have PE first thing they have to come in school uniform - which as the PE kit is only 4 bits and the uniform more than twice that- is a good thing.

The only time we are "expected" to help them change is for after school football practise - but we would usually be picking them up at 3pm anyway.

Any swimming trip a helpful SAHM usually goes along so she can watch her boy swim - which I think is a just reward for getting 18 boys into speedos in a confined space! If they swim in the school pool they somehow all manage by themselves.

How bizarre! My DS1 was in a big reception class last year - 28 children with one teacher, one TA, and at least one other regular helper most of the time. One of their projects for the first term was teaching the children to get dressed and undressed for PE.

The children tried really hard and were encouraged kindly. The first couple lessons the length of time actually spent doing PE was apparently pretty short.

What would they do if you were ill? Or with a baby and toddler? Very odd.

YANBU. One of the things I loved about my kids former school (was independent pre-prep/prep) was that on the day that the kids had sport or swimming, the lower years went in to school in their PE kit (shorts/shirts with a tracksuit on top). They did their morning lessons in their kit then spent the afternoon playing sport. (For swimming days it meant that they didn't have to struggle with shirt/tie/blazer). It was this sort of thing that made me feel that the fees were worth every penny.

YANBU

Am I really missing something? My DD (now 5) has been dressing herself for at least the last three years. In fact she was so determined to chose what she got to wear in the mornings that there ws no teaching on our part, she just got on and did it. So surely by five most children can do this? Can't they? YANBU. School should be teaching your child about the practicalities of life, as well as latin declensions.

this thread is a pile o shit

YANBU. OK lupo, no matter how lovely the school is, they are not doing you a huge favour by educating your child - you are paying them (and I am paying my ds's school as well, via taxes, it's not a school fee issue). So you need to get assertive in the best possible way. Since this has become an issue, make an appointment with the teacher and just say that this appears to be a problem, because you are at work by the time your ds gets changed. What is her suggestion? And how is she going to make sure that your ds does not feel he is the odd one out in this?

YANBU

I'm a SAHM but would be cross if I was expected to supervise my child changing (who has been perfectly capable of dressing herself since starting school) one morning a week, if only because I also have a baby to look after and a pre-schooler who needs taking to nursery. It's not just working parents who would find this requirement unfeasible.

Parents help a lot in our school but it is 100% voluntary.

If i had read this thread a few months ago I would have found it quite astonishing that so many 5 year olds are unable to dress themselves without help. Obv if special needs are involved than that is different.

But since enrolling my DDs in swimming classes I have seen first hand how many mums do absolutely everything for kids this age.
The kids literally stand there whilst their mums strip them and hold out their trunks for them to step into. Then wait to be towel dried afterwards and eased into their clothes . I almost felt as though i was neglecting my DDs by letting them get on with it.

I have got to say that the vast majority of these kids were boys. What is it about mums and boys where they feel they have to do everything for them.

YANBU.
If you think about it, the whole thing is RIDICULOUS.
Send him in his PE kit and walk out. Make a stand.
I can't believe the SAHMs want to stay and get them changed either. As a SAHM ATM I've got enough to do without hanging round the school either. Pity a few of them wouldn't join you and bring their DC already changed. Set a trend, and maybe they'll follow too.
In years to come you will be faced with PT meetings during school hours only etc..this is the thin end of the wedge...
Good luck. Stand your ground!

Enquire if those mums helping the children to change have an enhanced crb check as they are obviously in regular contact with the children, and see if the need for help is still there.

Point out you teach/work in a school and that you have to be there. It's the first prep/preprep I've heard of that wants parental help in getting the kids changed.

sorry don't understand why an NT 5yo needs help to get changed anyway.

They don't really get it in any FS2 class (of 4yos too) I've ever been in

But I don't think YABU OP. You have to work - seems fair enough.

"I have got to say that the vast majority of these kids were boys. What is it about mums and boys where they feel they have to do everything for them."

My DS1 was dressing himself at 3 (closer to 4), DS2 was just turned 3 when he started - but now (at nearly 6) still needs the odd hand turning clothes the right way in. My BF's DD (same class as DS2) still needs help. and my point is????????? fark knows apart from the fact that DS3 isn't anywhere close yet (2 3/4 0

OP YANBU at all.

I've seen mums dressing their kids at swimming as well. I mean kids who are having lessons so at least 4 (and often more like 6 yo )

I just think it;s bizarre that a school, any school, would ask this, nay demand it.

Ours asks for parent helpers on trips etc, but there's no 3-line whip. You certainly don't ever have to do it.

Hi, thanks for responses so far...glad to see I wasn't expecting too much!

DS does struggle a bit with undressing and I would like teachers to help voluntarily rather than grudgingly if he needs it.

It just seems a silly request to make to parents and obv if most other mums are there he will want me also, so I then feel the guilt factor etc both from him and teacher.

I will stand my ground and rexplain to teacher if necessary...lots of helpful responses as I am new to the private sector as was beginning to think this was the norm at an independant school. Lol at parents having to go in the swimming pool with their little darlings at another prep school as described by one poster. Whatever next...