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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that ds expensive prep school are being difficult because I have to rush off to work in the morning

118 replies

lupo · 09/09/2009 19:53

To cut a long story short I have scrimped and saved for ds to go to local prep school which seems lovely. I do need to work to cover the fees though. The school has this rule where all parents have to help children change for PE one morning a week for the first term, but I cant do this as have to drop and run to get to work. I have explained this to the teacher, but was met with a bit of a short shrift..I could understand if i was a sahm mum but i no longer am. I manage to do pick ups and drop offs but hanging round for pe is just one commitment I literally cant' afford. I know can see if someone can help, another mum prob can but that is not the point. Am i being unreasonable to accept a bit of understanding here or am I being unrealistic to expect it. I know other mums are in the same boat but am surprised at how much it seems to have put the teachers out that they may have to help a few children to change!!
All comments appreciated. Thanks

OP posts:
BethNoire · 09/09/2009 20:09

YANBU

have come across this a few times (both on MN and in RL) but the teachers always knew there were parents who could not help; pregnant mums got an exemption as did those with babies from our old nursery school, and in other cases I have read about (and where my sister teaches) mums have an option of paying a small amopunt- this either goes to a parent willing to 'work' your palce, or to the nursery to increase staffing temporarily.

I also understood this had become viewed as bad practice recently.

colditz · 09/09/2009 20:11

Haven't any dads been asked to go in? No?

Thought not.

MadBadandDangerousToKnow · 09/09/2009 20:11

So there's a 1:1 ratio of parents and their dressing assistants? Surely that is overkill. Do you know another parent well enough to ask them to help your son too?

TsarChasm · 09/09/2009 20:12

They are being beyond ridicli-arse. For a whole term??!

Hulababy · 09/09/2009 20:12

I would be unable to commit to this either, be it every week or even just one week in 4 or whatever. DD's school (also independent) has never asked for parent helpers for anything, not even trips.

I work in a school myself, so have to be at my school reading to help my class of children.

The school should have sufficient staff to help the children change for PE without needing parental assistance. If they cannot manage they need to rethink either their uniform or the PE kits to ensure the children are able to dress and undress themselves.

That should be the case regardless of the school being state or fee paying IMO.

BTW, how many children are int he class, and how many staff?

mazzystartled · 09/09/2009 20:14

Surely most 4-5 year old children will be moe or less fine in getting changed anyway? Unless they have to wear ties or something ridiculous....

I would speak to the Head.

Hulababy · 09/09/2009 20:14

BTW next time you speak to the teacher about this matter, turn the question around. Ask the teacher if she would be able to go to her own child (or potential child)'s school and help in this way, whilsts till working in her current job.

Alarielle · 09/09/2009 20:15

YANBU

I've never heard of this before. When I was at primary school back in the 80's the teacher assisted with dressing and there was no TA's back then. Surely if they can manage to get them dressed after PE they can do so before as well?

Hulababy · 09/09/2009 20:15

mazzy - DD has to wear a tie. Within the first half term pretty much every child had learnt to tie their own. And the child helped one another too, such as helping with buttons. And the class teacher and TA helped the children.

Podrick · 09/09/2009 20:16

is your child unable to get changed on his own? Do you need to coach him at home instead? I think getting changes would not be beyond most 5 year olds with a bit of practice.

Original poster
lupo · 09/09/2009 20:16

Btw also work at a school so no flexibility need to be there for lesson starts

OP posts:
mazzystartled · 09/09/2009 20:17

You know what though, I wouldn't even enter into conversation about it.

Tell them you are not doing it because you are at work. It is their problem. Their proposed solution is unworkable.

mazzystartled · 09/09/2009 20:18

hula - i am impressed - dh still struggles at 36

you see i think that parents coming in to help is going to be the exact opposite of supporting self-sufficiency.

Original poster
lupo · 09/09/2009 20:21

ds could prob manage himself but that's not the point..was a bit annoyed about it and felt I had to justify myself to her..not too impressed to be honest. Other than that though the school does seem nice

OP posts:
Hassled · 09/09/2009 20:21

What mazzystartled said. They're not doing you a favour her - you are paying them. What matters ultimately is what your DS is happy with - if he's fine re getting himself sorted with minimal help, then just leave him to it.

hatwoman · 09/09/2009 20:22

you mentioned that some kids are in breakfast club. could there be a bit of "not getting it" when it comes to (slightly different) working patterns? ie because you do manage to be there at drop off the teacher somehow thinks your work/your need to be at work at a certain time isn't as essential as those who put the kids in breakfast club. Ask her outright what happens with the kids in breakfast club. ask her why your situation is any different. (if you feel like a scrap...if not then explain, rather than ask...)

BonsoirAnna · 09/09/2009 20:23

YANBU. This is all wrong. Schools should never expect parents to be available to help during school hours - if SAHPs or part-time working parents offer to help, fine and lovely if the school wants to take them up on the offer. But there it ends.

And 5 year olds really ought to be dressing themselves. If they can't, the sooner they are left to get on with it, the sooner they will learn.

MissSunny · 09/09/2009 20:25

Message withdrawn

Portofino · 09/09/2009 20:29

YANBU! Aren't they 7 when they start prep school? My dd's 3rd maternelle class will start swimming lessons this year. I supply a bag with the gear, the children should be able to dress/undress themselves maybe with a little help. They are 5.

Original poster
lupo · 09/09/2009 20:29

Not sure why these children need one to one, just while other mums are there ds will prob want me to help him too... and obv I can't. He is struggling with school as it is and this just adds to the pressure tbh.

OP posts:
noodlesoup · 09/09/2009 20:32

I may be wrong but I thought getting changed was part of the curriculum now so surely they should actually be doing it themselves. Its no different from asking a parent to read all the reading books so the child doesn't have to do it themselves. As a private school they won't have to follow the national curriculum but there expectations shouldn't be dramatically lower.

Ds wears a tie and proper shirt and his class change perfectly ok with 2 adults. They are a bit of a mess on p.e. day but not too bad.

LynetteScavo · 09/09/2009 20:32

YANBU.

Sorry if I've missed a bit, but are you expected just to changed them into thier PE kit, or do you have to hang around to change them back into thier uniform as well?

Do they really only do PE once a week?

My friend sent her DS to a prep school where once a week the parents had to go swimming with thier children...yes actually get into the pool with them.

Katisha · 09/09/2009 20:32

This is ridiculous. One of my rants is the way primary schools seem to be surprised that some mothers go to work, and don't get information out properly, relying on the school gate grapevine, and mention things casually, at extremely short notice. I wouldn't have found out DSs violin lesson had changed from Friday to Tuesday if I hadn't been working at home one day last week and gone into the school about something else.

I imagine you probably don't want to rock the boat in these early days, but I think iideally a conversation with the head is in order. Would he/she be happy with the school's own staff turning up late because they were dressing their own children at school?

It's mad.

BonsoirAnna · 09/09/2009 20:32

Agree Portofino - children in the third year of maternelle here in France are definitely expected to be able to dress and undress with no help at all. Teachers will not be impressed if they are unable to do so.

Hulababy · 09/09/2009 20:37

noodlesoup - if this is the equivalent of a reception class then, regardless of privte or not, they do have to follow the same curriculum as part of EYFS,; indepents are not exempt.

I am assuming that although it is a prep school, the child from OP is still 4/5y. Most prep schools have a preprep part to the school (equivalent of infants).