to feel a bit hurt by my friend?

[GreensleevesFlouncedLikeAKnob]

background - friend has children the same age as mine and they go to the same school. We've been friends for about a year and share other friends, have been out together and helped each other out etc

she has always been one of the nicest people I know, she is generous and kind and would do anything for anyone

My ds2 has a ridiculous haircut at the moment his fringe is cut straight across about 2 inches above his eyebrows and his hair slopes down to shoulder length at the back

he looks like a coconut

the reason for it is that he nicked my scissors and hacked his fringe nearly half-way across at that stupidly short length, and when I tried to tidy it up he wailed that I wasn't allowed to cut the back short because he wants a ponytail like Daddy

so I did the best I could with it and it looks tidy, even though it's a daft haircut

anyway lovely friend who I thought really liked me apparently said to a mutual friend the other morning at school

"Have you SEEN XX's hair, what on earth have they done to him" and was laughing and taking the piss

I know it's silly but I feel really hurt and also I feel as though I have to tell everyone we know why he has that haircut

I made dh mention it to his teacher this morning (two boys and two adults, so we take one each into school for the 10 minutes of 'early work', I had ds1 this morning)

AIBU to feel that my trust has been shaken? I would never have expected this friend to take the piss behind my back like that. Now I feel rather sad and wary of all the other people I thought liked me

Greeny I don't think you're being unreasonable to be a bit hurt, but for yur own sake you mustn't let that descend into 'she thought I was a wierdo all along, I bet they're laughing at me all the time,everybody all hates me' type thinking, which will push you over into depression.

Listen to waht other posters have said:

From all evidence it looks like she likes you (spensd time with you goes out with etc).

She is generally a nice kind woman, which suggests she wouldn't cynically befriend you just to accumulate funny stories to laugh at you about behind your back (that is a conpsiracy theory too far surely?). So she must be frinds with you because......?? She likes you??

The haircut is funny and so she was proably lauging about it in an affectionate, cute funny kids kind of way.

A bit of hurt is understandable but you need to rationalise it now and not let it dsced into 'what's the point everyone always hates me anyway.' That is eviedbntly NOT TRUE.

and yes I am shouting at you..

The poster in question is old, I know 2 of the 3 children on it quite well (I think the "odd looking girl" is the one I don't know). but that photo must have been taken at least 5 years ago,

but exactly, Greeny posts about "odd looking girl", someone reading this knows the mother of the girl and reports this back, that people on an internet chat room were bitching about her daughter's photo in a public space, mother gets very upset, feels violated, etc. It's so easy, when Greeny didn't mean it in that way.

Incidentally, can't you be both friends with someone and think they have traces of weirdo? I like quirky weirdo types. not, of course, that I think you are one, greeny, not at all.... (backpedals furiously, just another eg of how things can come out wrong).

I feel guilty now, I didn't mean she was horrible looking

she is very cute in fact, just very distinctive

Babs you are right, I must not fall down that hole

but you know when you always have a subconscious assumption that people think you are a twat, the smallest thing can seem to confirm it

and I AM a weirdo

Fennel is right Greeny wierdos are much more interesting.

Of course you didn't, Greeny and your friend wasn't being mean either.

I do understand that when you are not in the right frame of mind any little comment can cause upset (I have sobbed before at "harmless" comments others have made). But truly, don't take it to heart.

Exactly.

You have a formed a core belief that 'people think I'm a wierdo and do not like me.'

You then look for eviedence to prove your belief. Bingo! She laughed at his hair, which proves she hates you and thinks you're weird, just as you suspected all along!

Or does it? Could she actually be just a nice woamn who likes you and just found your cute kid's hair amusing??

Of course this is slightly complicated by the fact that you are weird, like being weird, it's imporatnt to your self image and yet you worry excessivlet that other poele may think you're wierd.

Would you like to come and lie on my couch??

No.Actually, get off my couch!!!
It's very simple. You are a bit differnt to other poele in some ways, you like it and they like it about it.

You're adorable son has an amusing hair cut.

That's it really.

That was meant to be 'they like it about you'

and your adorable son.

Araminta, you'll have to give a clue about where you live.

local cafes with this poster include: 36, Plant, Herbies, Mango.

are these right?

or perhaps they use the poster widely but it's children local to here.

On seeing a child with a wonky haircut I would have though, "Oh, look who got a hold of the scissors" and might even have laughed about it wiht a friend.

I don't think that you should take this too seriously, you said yourself that there are other things going on and you are feeling a bit fragile at the moment.

Don't cause a fall out with your friend over this.

My DS cut the dogs hair last week. Now she does look silly.

yes I do live near you !

tell me you are not the mum of the little girl I mentioned

she will probably want to kill me if she reads this thread

Mumsnet is getting to be scarily everywhere these days, til recently I never met anyone in real life who admitted to mumsnet use but now they seem to be all around.

No I am not the mum of that little girl although many years ago we did go to steiner nursery.

Is there no way you can get him to agree tohave the back cut short so it doesn't look so disproportionate?

I am a bit weirded out now i wonder if your kids go to the same school as mine. No don't tell me it is better if the two worlds don't collide don't you think.

it would look a lot better mumblechum

he is so bloody stubborn though (his response was "Good, I WANTED to look like lego man. I LIKE lego"

he insists that the back must be left long so he can have a bloody pony tail like his bloody father

If I had my way I'd wait until both of them were asleep and whip it all off with my scissors

dh's hair looks like an old broomstick frankly, but he won't cut it

I don't know Araminta

Are you nice??

lovely but a bit weird

my kids go to the school which was formed recently out of the merger of a middle and a first school...

Much to introverted to meet a mumsnetter in real life though I think.

my dc and Greeny's don't go to the same school. they will at secondary.

Half the people I know used to frequent Steiner nursery or toddler group, we must know a lot of the same people.

Hmmm I guess we probably do. Did you go to musickgarten ?

greeny to me, this does not show that friend isn't fond of you or that she was being a bitch or being mean about your ds at all. The very fact that friend 2 repeated it to you shows that it was probably very innocent.

My dds were playing hairdressers about a year ago and dd1 cut dd2 a really awful mullet. People found it funny. I didn't see it as people taking the piss out of her, it was genuinely pretty bad and quite funny.

Sorry you're feeling sad atm, if you're really hurt you should mention it to your friend as I'm sure she'd reassure you.

not sure how old your children are Araminta, don't you have secondary age ones? (IIRC from education threads).

We only moved here 3 years ago and by then my 3rd was a toddler so I didn't go to many local baby/toddler things. Haven't heard of musickgarten.