to feel a bit hurt by my friend?

[GreensleevesFlouncedLikeAKnob]

background - friend has children the same age as mine and they go to the same school. We've been friends for about a year and share other friends, have been out together and helped each other out etc

she has always been one of the nicest people I know, she is generous and kind and would do anything for anyone

My ds2 has a ridiculous haircut at the moment his fringe is cut straight across about 2 inches above his eyebrows and his hair slopes down to shoulder length at the back

he looks like a coconut

the reason for it is that he nicked my scissors and hacked his fringe nearly half-way across at that stupidly short length, and when I tried to tidy it up he wailed that I wasn't allowed to cut the back short because he wants a ponytail like Daddy

so I did the best I could with it and it looks tidy, even though it's a daft haircut

anyway lovely friend who I thought really liked me apparently said to a mutual friend the other morning at school

"Have you SEEN XX's hair, what on earth have they done to him" and was laughing and taking the piss

I know it's silly but I feel really hurt and also I feel as though I have to tell everyone we know why he has that haircut

I made dh mention it to his teacher this morning (two boys and two adults, so we take one each into school for the 10 minutes of 'early work', I had ds1 this morning)

AIBU to feel that my trust has been shaken? I would never have expected this friend to take the piss behind my back like that. Now I feel rather sad and wary of all the other people I thought liked me

I'm quite surprise at the number of people who notice small children's hair.

Green - As you said yourself your friend is lovely and kind. So this is kind of her 'first offence'! Gossip tends to be like a Chinese whisper and gets a bit distorted, she may well have not said it, like your mutual friend described and it might have been perfectly innocent.

My son goes out looking ridiculous most days, with his trousers on back to front (he thinks he looks like a cowboy), a blob of hair gel in his hair, if he doesnt care, then why should i!

Greensleeves, this should not have been repeated to you, the friend who did this was out of order.

It could have been just good natured teasing, but it was never meant for you to hear anyway.

I agree with franca, I would think about the motives of the friend who repeated this.

My dd's hairdresser was having a bad day once and she ended up with a wonky fringe, I was asked by someone jokingly if I did it myself! I thought she looked cute.

jesus fennel, that's excruciating

I suppose I should just laugh it off and try and tell as many people as possible that the dodgy haircut is his own damn fault

did you really really not notice it? He looks like a lego man

whose, of course. not who's.

I want to eat cake with you too greeny, I'll visit soon.

I agree with fennel, don't rely on second hand gossip.

I suppose you just need to remember that however friendly and nice your friends are to your face, all women can turn nasty behind your back, for all sorts of reasons. Dont take it to heart she was prob just trying to show off or make herself feel better. His hair will grow and it will be forgotten about.

Here's my take on this.

1. Friend probably didn't mean it in a nasty way, she might have worded it differently (in fact, probably should have worded it differently) but I doubt she was being deliberately nasty.

1. As a Mum, I am like a lioness with my cubs. I think most of us are. I'm a very nice person, friendly, chatty etcetcetc but if I heard that about my DS, I would feel EXACTLY the same as Greeny. I really would. Unreasonable or not, I would feel hurt, upset, angry and embarrassed.

1. I think you need to speak to your mate about it. Maybe say "some people have been laughing about DS hair, I feel really upset about it. [insert explanation of haircut here]" - then it won't be festering away inside you.

1. Could you persaude DS to get it tidied properly at the barbers? Maybe get your DH to tell him it will grow quickly and if it is cut properly, it will grow evenly to be like Daddy's hair.

Please don't let a thoughtless comment upset you Greeny. Am sure your friend would be devastated if she knew how much it had hurt you. My DH SHAVED my 5 year old's head last term. I was mortified. He said he forgot to put the comb on teh shaver (FGS) and DS lookd bald as he has very blonde hair. I cried when I saw it and felt like everybody was looking at him at school. HE was upset and said "A and B said my hair looks horrible". If I'd heard that somebody had said simliar about my son, I think I'd have been a gibbering wreck laid in the playground!

He looks like a Lego man? That is rather cool, imho.

Don't feel obliged to explain why he has that haircut. By all means laugh it off, make a joke etc, if people notice, but I find the idea that people could "judge you" from a child's haircut quite depressing.

And I bet he looks cute as usual.

I didn't notice, but then (lofty emoticon) I look at children's darling little personalities not their physical appearance.

and it could be in context, lots of things that stick out in a school playground are pretty normal at woodcraft folk. Including quirky haircuts, along with conker shoes and Steiner fashions and home-knitted everything.

anyway. what's this about wanting to eat cake with Franca. What's wrong with ME?! I like to eat cake. Last night I dreamed I climbed up a mountain to a glacier which had a cafe. We all sat in the hot glacier and ate cake. Lemon cake, with meringue, and choc sauce (optional).

Fennel, Dh would have probably done the same as your dp. He is extremely tactless and has no clue

fennel nothing would delight me more than to scoff cake with you

but I'm not shinning up a fucking glacier for the privilege, we will have to make do with a cafe

are you free on thursday morning?

lol at 'Steiner fashions' oxymoron

you know that odd-looking little girl who is always on the steiner posters around here?

ds2 has HER fringe.

Are you 2 casting me out? Is it because of my haircut?

DP did notice what he was saying, just too late, and backpedalled furiuosly. He just about managed to divert attention and move on.

I am feeling a bit sorry for the possibly tactless friend, as one who does witter away to all and sundry, a bit too freely. I think cos i'm not that private a person I tend to forget that other people are more bothered about these things.

I'd hate things to get misreported back to people because I don't mean things in a bitchy way but if someone says them back in a different context they could sound quite bad.

so I'm sticking up for the unknown friend (though relieved it's not me).

I think it's understandable to expect your friends to have a bit of loyalty to you and to not laugh at your kids with other people when you're not around.

Some of my frirnds have very irrataing, difficult children, and I think this but would never say it to other parenst, out of loyalty to my friend. It's love me, love my kids with friends. I have a conscaious rule that the only person I will moan about others kids to is DH, and even then I feel bad and disloyal, as my lovely friend/s would be devastated if they heard me.

I know she was only talking about his hair, but I can identify wuth that feeling of 'you're my friend, don't join in the laughing, defend him for me, defend me!!'

It's a bit irrational, but I think many of us would feel it too.

I'm free late morning (possibly very late) Thurs, or afternoon. or anytime Friday.

Franca you are welcome too. you just have to move back here....

But maybe she wasn't giggling away about it, or taking the piss, maybe she was just commenting in a more neutral way. And it got reported back as giggling. If she is a nice generous person, as you say in the OP.

Reported chat always sounds much worse than in the original.

OY, Greeny, that "Odd-looking little girl" on the Steiner poster is my DD

Not really.

I don't think that your friend was being unkind or bitchy, just honest, you said yourself it is a silly haircut. My Mom used to cut my fringe really high and it was sooo wide,more fringe than anything else, not good when you have a football face.

He's a child, I prefer them with silly homemade haircuts than all spiky groomed styles anyway.

I will visit soon, I must admit I am a bit homesick. I hope Greeny will bake me one of her cakes...

"He's a child, I prefer them with silly homemade haircuts than all spiky groomed styles anyway."

Yes, yes, yes.

When i look back at photo books i often come across pictures of my son with some hilarious haircuts, they sound exactly like your sons hair now. Honestly, my aunt who is a 'hairdresser' gave his fringe a whopping chop on many occasion and his hair was always long so looked like a mullet/bowl cut. It was awful but he was only 2/3/4 so didn't really matter.

I would be hurt too OP purely because they felt this was something worth talking about. However i would realise there is every possibility what she actually said was more like 'have you seen greensleeves jnr hair, hilarious, poor soul, wait til he's 21 and sees the pictures he'll be mortified' .. very similar thing to say but not nasty imo just laughing along with the situation. Could be mutual friend twisting it slightly even if not intentionally.

"odd-looking" means she has a distinctive look, that's all - the fringe doesn't look as daft on her as it does on my ds2

I take the point about reported chat possibly being distorted

it was the "what on earth have they done to him" that really stung, but I can't exactly ask her whether she said it or not

I am very wary of thinking people are friends and then discovering that actually they think I am a weirdo

(I could blame my mother for being a two-faced cow, but that would be boringly predictable)

at the steiner poster reference. I actually think those posters are quite cute. I am sure you guys live near me. They are in all the cafe/newsagent windows here. Greeny I am sure your ds looks lovely and extra cute with his self inflicted haircut. I wouldn't take any notice of comments that you have not heard directly they are usually distorted.